the music of my heart

i'm reading the unbearable lightness of being by milan kundera. not an easy read, i must admit. the premise of the story is about the love lives of 2 couples but underneath this context is kundera’s take on philosopher friedrich nietzsche's theory of eternal return (if i'm wrong, please correct me, all you deep philo students).

ya. vair cheem. i also don’t get much of it. heh. but i read for his love analogies that i think most of us can relate to.

there’s a part in the book where he talks about how one word can hold different meanings for 2 people in a relationship, giving way to misunderstandings or a lack of understanding for each other.

he likens our lives to a musical composition. when we are young, our musical compositions are “still in its opening bars” and we write it together with our partner, through shared experiences, or motifs as he calls it.

each time the same object would give rise to a new meaning, through all
former meanings would resonate (like an echo, like a parade of echoes) together with the new one. each new experience would resound, each time enriching the harmony

we hear people say that first loves are the hardest to forget. maybe this is the reason why? that person you shared so much with has helped to carve your lives, whether you like it or not. memories and meanings resonate deep in your soul, and will remain part of you for many years to come, if not forever.

and have you ever realised how much easier it is to be with someone when we are younger? we didn’t have too many criteria of that perfect guy, we accept them as they are more readily, we are less critical of that person.

but as we get older, our musical compositions are more or less complete. every motif, every word holds a different meaning… making it harder to fit with another tune. even the slightest beats that are off key can make us throw away that composition, and vow never to listen to it again.

in the case of the 2 characters, franz and sabina, they met when they were older and there was this abyss separating these lovers.

he listened eagerly to the story of her life and she was equally eager to
hear the story if his, but although they had a clear understanding of the
logical meaning of the words they exchanged, they failed to hear the
semantic susurrus of the river flowing through them.

in short, they just don’t get each other. that’s the problem with trying to find a partner later in life. well, for me at least. on the outside, 2 people may look like they are fit for each other. but after they try to sing together, they realise their music, in fact, clash, making a din instead. or worse, silence.

as for me? i’m still trying to find a person who can strike a chord with my slightly offbeat and out of tune song :)