Thursday, July 30, 2009

love guru vs love victims

It seems that my once-in-a-blue-moon nocturnal appearances in msn have always been greeted by love victims. Never mind that I’ve no credentials in Psychology whatsoever or that I’m no love guru myself - they don’t seem to care.

I can’t help but suspect that few of them are lying in wait, all ready to test the threshold of my patience.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m always happy to offer a listening ear and my honest opinion, especially so when a good friend of mine is concerned. But pleaaaseeee…. if you ever need to talk, don’t ask me for my opinion once and then again, and again, and again just cos my initial reply wasn’t what you wanted to hear.

Anyway, thought I’d compile a few of them here in case there were similar love victims.


........................................................................................................................
CASE 1:
Guy is interested in Girl, who is pretty and popular. Guy asked Girl out, she accepts invitation. Date went “alright” although “alright” really meant “different” which really, really meant “awkward cos there weren’t many things in common”.

Girl loves cutesy annoying songs which Guy absolutely detests. But Guy complements them anyway. “Nice,” Guy said. He even pretends to enjoy the music when he is actually gagging. 'Isn’t this what they term as “sacrifice”?'

Guy believes that love is blind and that he is behaving how he is because he is in love with her.


To guys:
Firstly, if there’s anything a girl hates, it’s deceit.
Secondly, please think with your brain, not with your …
Interest based on physical attraction alone cannot withstand the test of time.


To girls:
If a guy tells you that you both have lots in common, take it with a pinch of salt.
Then wait and see.



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CASE 2:
Guy likes Girl. But something came between them and they lost touch. Finally, somehow the friendship was rekindled.

Then Guy confesses to Girl that he used to like her. At the same time he assures her that the feelings are long gone – he lied. He didn’t want her to run away.

To guys:
What is the objective of lying again? A girl who learns that she has been struck off your list will similarly strike you off HER list.

To girls:
This is a rare case. If a guy says he’s over you, no need for second-guessing - he means it.


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CASE 3:
Guy loses sleep over quarrel with best friend, Girl. He is unable to focus at work, and is trying all sorts of methods to seek her forgiveness. He doesn’t even realize that he has stopped courting another girl he was interested in.

“She’s my best friend, my soul mate,” Guy said regretfully as he recalls all the hurt he had caused her. He explains that she know him best and feels terrible at the thought of losing the friendship.

To guys:
Best friend?!!!
If you’ve found a soul mate in a girl, that means she’s THE one. Don’t let her go.
Isn’t it obvious?


To girls:
If a guy fails to see or acknowledge just how important you are in his life, LEAVE!


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CASE 4:
Guy hits on Girl B only to learn that her best friend is his ex-girlfriend, A whom he secretly had never been able to let go since their break up. He had always regarded their split to be one of unrequited love.

He tries to find ways to chat with Girl A without Girl B’s knowledge but it seems like she’s avoiding him.

To guys:
Come clean.

To girls:
Good guys are hard to find but good friends are even harder.

........................................................................................................................

So there, hopefully, by doing this, I’ll be sparing friends of love victims the agony of repeating their advices over and over again.

Anyway, a couple of updates:

Case 1: Guy snaps out of love blindness and finally displays signs of common sense.

Case 3: Guy and Girl are now in a relationship – yes, they realized that they’re meant for each other… finally, heh.


Note: the love victims were males

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

hearties on holiday


No dates...
No stress...
No men...
Well, except for the polite men who graciously welcomed and greeted us like royalty :)

The hearties found time to escape to an undisclosed haven. It was amazing that despite little planning, everything fell into place and the hearties were all available those same days.

Good to know that we haven't lost our sense of spontaneity :)


Can't wait for our next stop, hearties.
Please grab your passports!


*Pls click on image to view in better resolution.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

love advice from a man

was surfing around and stumbled upon this on dailycandy.com. the lone male editor of this online mag answers some of the most frequently asked qns we ladies ask...

Q: Brains or beauty? Really?
A: Say the following sentence aloud:

I met a guy last night, and he is sooo hot!

Now say this one:

I met a guy last night, and he is sooo smart!

Which one sounds more accurate?

barren: hey, i'd swoon over a smart guy too! single ones are rare species y'know...

Q: How do I move on after a breakup in the least painful way?
A: I’m not saying you should fool around with a bunch of men, but if your mom were to call up and advise you to fool around with a bunch of men, I’d say listen to your mother.

barren: ok, my momma would never say that. but i always say, the best way to get over a man is in the arms of another. rebound does work in some cases!

Q: How early can you sleep with a guy without being considered a whore?
A: 6 a.m.

Q: My boyfriend said he would prefer that I dress sluttier. He didn’t go in to detail. What exactly does he mean?
A: Assuming your boyfriend doesn’t want you to dress like a hooker, I would guess that by “sluttier,” he means sexier. Meaning, the next time you try something on and think, “I’m too old to wear this,” that is exactly what he wants you to wear. The next time he takes you on a date, surprise him with a short skirt, low-cut top, and a thesaurus.

Q: What does it mean when a guy doesn’t call you the next day after you spend the night with him for the first time?
A: It can mean any number of things: that he lost your phone number, that he was in a tragic skiing accident, or that the experience of being with you was so emotionally overwhelming that he needs an entire 24 hours to compose himself. But usually it means he’s too busy carving a notch in his bedpost to get to the phone.

barren: lol! one of the major failings of us girls is that we give the guy too much credit!

Q: My boyfriend treats me well, includes me in everything, and is a great guy. But after one year of dating, he refuses to tell me he loves me. I am starting to feel very insecure.
A: The use of the L-bomb is entirely subjective.

barren: a totally guy answer. tsk tsk.

Q: Are men truly intimidated by smart, successful women, or is that just something unattractive girls tell themselves to make them feel better about being single?
A: Let’s just say that there aren’t that many smart, successful, really friggin’ hot women filling up the singles mixers.

Q: Why do guys say, “I’ll call you,” when they know they have no intention of ever calling? Why don’t they have the balls to just say, “Had fun, but I don’t think we should do this again”?
A: For the same reason you say it’s no big deal when your boyfriend says a skirt doesn’t look good on you, when in reality you die a little inside. It’s just easier that way. Do yourself a favor and, when a guy leaves after saying he’ll call, automatically assume he gets hit by a truck. That way if he calls you, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

barren: mental note: remember to assume my date is dead if he doesnt call.

Q: Why is it that guys act attentive and then suddenly, without reason, disappear and become totally unreachable?
A: Sounds like you’ve fallen for the oldest trick in the book – it’s called dating. For weeks on end a man will be very nice to you (dinners, movies, midpriced wine) until he realizes he doesn’t like you after all, at which point he will vanish. Either that, or you’ve been unknowingly dating international spies.

barren: lotsa james bond wannabes in my dating list...

Q: My boyfriend and I just broke up. I want to start dating again, but most of my friends are partnered up, and I don’t go out to the bars a ton anymore. Any suggestions?
A: Do what most guys do: Treat every possible destination (the grocery store, public transportation, elevators) as a place to find love. Soon you’ll be so fed up that bars will be fun again.

Q: My ex-boyfriend drunk texts me at 2 a.m. saying he wants to meet up for drinks to celebrate his birthday. The next day I reply saying, “Sure let me know when and where.” But then he replies that he’s still recovering from too much birthday celebration. What gives?
A: I stopped reading at “the next day,” and I’m assuming he did, too.

Q: Does putting out on the first date pretty much guarantee that the relationship will never be anything serious?
A: No, but it does guarantee that everyone had a good time.

Q: Should you keep in contact with an ex-boyfriend after he breaks up with you?
A: Do you keep in touch with old bosses after they fire you?

barren: i do! for both the ex AND the bosses. lol

Q: Why can’t I find Mr. Right? I’m a single, attractive physician who just turned 30, and I can’t even seem to find a date, let alone make a relationship work! What on earth am I doing wrong?
A: First of all, stop talking about Twilight. We don’t understand it, nor do we want to. Second, stop looking for Mr. Right and just settle for Mr. Good in Bed or Mr. Does My Taxes or Mr. Cooks Me Dinner. It’s not lowering your standards; it’s raising your limitations.

barren: mr cooks me dinner sounds like a great potential candidate...


Tuesday, July 14, 2009

what is that?



Love is patience.


---------------------------------------------------------------

(Updated 26 July 09)

The above is a Greek short film made in 2007. I just discovered a Petronas advertisement for Hari Raya which bore the same storyline. It also dates back in 2007.

Interesting to watch the same story in different setting. (Advertisement is in Malay.)


Sunday, July 12, 2009

the one who fell in love with my friend

do you believe in serendipity?

I got to know mr y from irc (hey it WAS hot then, no judging!). As we got to talking, he found out I was from a certain polytechnic, and told me his cousin was studying there too. And it turned out that I did know her, although she's from a different course.

On our first date, as we were on the bus home, we made another discovery after asking each other which sec sch we came from. He asked me if I knew this girl, and it only turned out to be one of my good friends, who was my classmate for... oh, I dunno... all 4 years there? Then it hit me, as I recalled my friend telling us about her first love. Tadaa.... mr y! But that was eons ago, when they were both too young to love (I think).

Now at that time, I was close to this girl, ms e, and we'd talk to each other for hours, complain about boy problems (mainly hers) and entertain ourselves by teasing boys on irc. I told her about mr y and she was excited that I got to know a nice boy. Once, both of them were online and I think we got to group chatting. Or rather, I opened up a channel just for the 3 of us (it's not exactly msn) and introduced them both.

Ms e was a very outgoing and friendly girl... the kind who can talk and make friends with anyone. From the chat, I saw that they hit it off pretty well. Details are a bit fuzzy now (pls pardon me, this happened way back in poly before the millenium) but I think mr y's cousin was having a bbq party at east coast the next day. So on the channel, ms e and I were planning to meet first and get the present before heading to east coast. And for some reason, mr y offered to follow us to go orchard and suggested we make our way to the party together. I'm not that dense so I kinda sensed something there...

A sense of which came true when we all met the next day. I never believed in love at first sight, but I believe that's what happened to mr y that day, right before my eyes. It's kinda amazing how well they hit it off, both mildly flirting with each other, the way he was looking at her, totally enamored. I told myself, “He's hooked.”

And true enough, the day after the bbq, mr y called me and told me he's so into my friend. Duh! It really wasn't any surprise and honestly, I didnt even feel jealous or anything. I was young then and although mr y was a very, very nice guy, I wasnt that affected. Ok maybe just a little bit, but there was nothing going on with mr y and I in the first place anyway.

So they did hook up and got engaged a few years later. After another couple of years, they broke up for a year I think. But thankfully, they got back together and got married! I was invited of course, even though we lost contact for a long while. At the wedding dinner, the bride and groom were telling their guests about their love story, and they gave their special thanks to me for bringing them both together :) it was all very sweet until they called out my name to ask me to stage. Gah!

There I was in the back, willing myself to look invisible so they couldnt spot me. Lol! Well, I did say hello to them on my way in, so they KNEW I was there...

Bride: Ms barren, ms barren... please show yourself. I think we all want to see who's our matchmaker...
Groom: Tadi dia ade tau, mana dia eh? (She was just here, where is she now?)

It's sweet that they want to give due credit to moi but so embarrassing la! I made it up by showing up at the end to congratulate them...

Looking back, it's kinda funny how things turned out. But I'm glad I had a hand in bringing two people together :)


Saturday, July 11, 2009

quote of the day

how do you know he is a great guy?
he makes you feel good!
~ wondering heart


How's that for the quote of the day? It came to me like an epiphany. I thought it was brilliant (*grin... ego moment here). I ripped... err I was inspired by a quotation I spotted on a wall :)

It's true isn't it? A great guy would love you for who you are, flaws and all. He puts you at ease, motivates you and is always there for you. In short, he makes you feel good!

"I must bubble this," I thought to myself and snapped a photo of the original quotation (yes people, it's only right to cite your sources).


Then I realised that all around it were 'buaya' (crocodile) soft toys.

Suddenly it occurred to me that 'buayas' (playboys) too prey on unsuspecting girls by making them feel good, just to obtain what they want.
With their own flirty ways and whispers of sweet nothings, the 'relationship' always come to nought, and the girls left feeling cheated.

Hmm
not so great after all huh?

So it seems that my brilliant inspired quote has a loophole.

Damn!


Tuesday, July 7, 2009

bubblewrapped and bored

random 1:

Bubblewrap my heart and keep it from harm’s way

May it repel any pokes, prods and unpleasantries

Cushioned in pockets of air, let no fall crack it

Enveloped in a plastic cocoon, where no sadness can reach it


A place of no warmth; where sunshine stifles

With no reprieve from the shackles

Of time lost and chances wasted.


Will there ever come a time

When there’s no need for this absolute protection

Imagine a day

The bubbles are popped one by one

Leaving the heart open, exposed, waiting to be filled again.

Such sweet, sweet release.



random 2:

Found a piece of bubblewrap in the store room and now popping it while surfing. Great stress-cum-boredom reliever




Thursday, July 2, 2009

what’s your aura?

I was walking past a group of male colleagues from a different department who were bantering amongst themselves when one of them turned to me and asked, “You’re married?”

I was stunned for a while at the sudden spring of question. I can’t remember what immediate thoughts came to mind but a couple of them were probably “Don’t I still look like a student?” and “Do I exude a married aura?” Haha.. but while I was stoned out from the lack of sleep that led to my delayed reaction, one young male colleague pointed to my hand.

I looked down and saw the ring gracing my right hand’s ring finger. “Haha… yea, I’m married to my mum,” I thought and looked at the other ring on my left hand… “and myself too”.

“Not yet,” I laughed in reply, only to regret later. Because I wasn’t there in the earlier part of their conversation, I had no clue what topic they were on. I’m not gonna delve into details, but let’s just say, with some guys (*gag), you’d rather leave them to believe you’re already taken or married just so that you’ll be left alone.

Anyway… it just reminded me of my friend who complained to me about being a swinging single but was always being mistaken as attached. Even after her last break up with her boyfriend, others always presumed she had already hooked up with someone else, although her social life was only just packed with catching up with her girlfriends over coffee and cakes.

Or another friend who laments about always being dismissed as unavailable just because… well, reasons unknown. She wondered, is it her dressing? Her looks? Her attitude?

A guy friend said that with some attractive girls, he wouldn’t be surprised to find out that they’re attached. In fact, he admits sheepishly that he would instinctively presume that they’re already “reserved” and are “untouchable”.
More often than not, the presumption would lead to a dismissal of any show of interest.

And when he finally befriends a particular girl and discovers that she is unattached, he’ll think of it as a case that’s “Too good to be true”.

I don’t know if he represents the majority in men. I have always had the impression that men would try their luck anyway and would only back off only if they had confirmed that the girl is unavailable or blatantly uninterested in them.

We stereotype, we presume, we judge – it’s human nature. How often have we girls been guilty of saying the infamous line “All good men are either attached or married”?

Isn’t it a curious thing how people presume what they presumed about you?

It depends on your aura, I tell you… like what sort of vibe you emanate or airs you possess.

There are obviously pros and cons to having a contradictory aura. While a single girl can use her mistaken ‘identity’ or ‘aura’ to her advantage to easily avoid unnecessary advances from undesired men, unfortunately, that would also mean that she would also be crossed out from the lists of eligible single men.

Can one's aura be changed then?

Anyway for me, it appears that I have a range of auras from single to lesbian to married.

So what’s your aura?