serenading unicorn

quote of the day

When you're faced with a dilemma...
Just toss a coin...
not because it will help you decide...
but because you will then learn what your heart is hoping for
while the coin is in the air.

quote of the day

via lacylipstick

5 Ways Facebook Changed Dating (For the Worse)

Thought I'd quickly bubble an article I just read...


Facebook can mess up your life in a whole bunch of ways. It can get you fired or evicted, plunge you into debt with its addictive games, and even (yeah, right) infect you with syphilis. We wouldn’t look at all of those as serious threats, but we all know from experience that one threat is real: Facebook makes dating far more complicated than it used to be.

You can use Facebook’s privacy settings to mitigate the pains, and you can even make an impossible-to-maintain rule that you won’t accept friend requests from people you’re dating, but it’s almost guaranteed that Facebook will somehow catch up to your budding relationship and challenge it with some confusion eventually.

The site can be a boon for dating in some ways too, of course, but for now we’re talking about how it makes things complicated. Here are five ways that Facebook’s erosion of personal boundaries and privacy has made finding security in love and sex more difficult.


1. Overanalyzing Will Drive You Crazy

He posted on your wall four times today — does that mean he’s too into you? She keeps posting status updates about the cute guys in her office — should you be worried that you’ll be outdone? You’ve hardly seen any updates on his profile since you had a fight — is he hiding the updates from you, is he so depressed that he’s not engaging, or is it just a coincidence? Why does she keep untagging herself from photos with you in them?

If you’re already feeling insecure or suspicious, your partner’s Facebook feed will contribute about ten gallons of gasoline to it.

It’s obviously best not to indulge any obsessive or stalking behaviors, but love (and lust) drive people to do silly things. Sometimes you just can’t help but wonder what this or that update means for your relationship. Chances are it means nothing, but that won’t stop those nagging insecurities.


2. You See All the Action Your Ex Is Getting

That guy just posted on her wall thanking her for the wonderful time they had last night, but she just broke up with you last week. Man, that smarts.

Most of the items on this list have something to do with privacy. In this case, it’s not your privacy, it’s hers. It’s tough to get over someone you’ve just lost, but it’s even harder when you know she’s having a smashing time without you. Facebook makes sure of that.

Maybe it’s important for Facebook users to carefully watch their feeds to make sure that nothing comes up that will cause any hurt to any exes, or maybe their exes are responsible for clicking “hide” in the news feed until they’re over it. If at least one of those things doesn’t happen, it can get painful for one person, minimum.



3. Relationships and Breakups Are Public

Dramatized in the above scene from the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory, it’s the most classic Facebook dating dilemma: Who pulls the trigger to make a relationship official on Facebook first? It would be embarrassing to declare yourself to be in a relationship if your (you thought) significant other doesn’t reciprocate.

Changing Facebook relationship status has, for better or worse, joined first date, first kiss, first night together, exclusivity talk, and first “I love you” on the list of important relationship milestones. It’s one of the most awkward milestones because it’s public by necessity.

That first status change isn’t the only challenge. When a relationship ends, how soon is it okay to switch back to single? Doing so right away seems callous, but holding on for too long makes you look fixated. And God forbid that somebody break the news to her partner that she’s dumping him or her by publicly switching her status over to “Single.” But we’ve all heard stories of that happening.

We’ve also heard stories of people seeing their dates switch to “In a Relationship” with someone else. That can’t feel good.


4. It’s a Record of Every Relationship Mistake You’ve Made

If he can’t help but snoop, he can look back and see all those consolation posts from friends about your last breakup. Maybe he’ll see your previous partner’s angry wall posts after you let him know that you wouldn’t be seeing him again. Maybe this new friend of yours will see your immature responses. Worst of all, he might see just how much of a loser your last man was and decide you’re playing in different leagues.

Facebook serves up a record of everything you’ve done since you created your profile. It’s best to carefully curate all that information to make sure none of it comes back to haunt you later, but that takes a lot of work, and some things are bound to slip through the cracks.

To make things even more frustrating, you can’t modify the privacy settings for things you’ve already posted. You might have hidden that incriminating status update from your last boyfriend, but since your new one just friended you today, you’ll have to remember to go back and delete it if you’re afraid he’ll be browsing.


5. Other People’s Comments Will Make Your Date Jealous

This has caused many a breakup. Some people tend towards jealousy, and as with item #1 on this list, the flame of insecurity will get doused in gasoline.

Let’s say some girl has a bunch of innocuous guy friends who are innocently posting flirtatious messages on her wall. Most folks are okay with flirting, but some can’t handle it, and something about seeing it written out on Facebook makes it worse. That girl’s boyfriend will either become passive aggressive or burst out in jealous rage, setting the stage for the end of an otherwise positive relationship.

This one illustrates the same point as all the others: Facebook brings us too close to people too quickly. Dating is as much about maintaining healthy and safe boundaries as it is about intimacy — at least at first — and social networking makes that harder than ever. It’s not dissimilar to dating someone who works in your office; you can’t control the exposure you’ll have, and that can be a recipe for disaster.



by Samuel Axon (Source: http://mashable.com/2010/04/10/facebook-dating/)

stick boy and match girl

quote of the day

Love does not consist in gazing at each other,
but in looking outward in the same direction.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

still alive, just dormant

I can’t sleep… despite knowing that tomorrow’s gonna be a looong day. So yea, here I am trying to bubble. Geee… bh was right. We’ve really been bad, bad hearties.

But but… to be fair, even my personal blog was sorely neglected. Then again maybe I’m not such a bad heartie considering my last written entry was 3 posts ago :P (shame on you, bh!)

Ok ok shan’t stress her out.

Bubbling should NEVER be an obligation.
It’s a popping stress-reliever!

Okaay… a sudden wave of sleepiness just hit me. I’d better seize the moment and hit the sack before I lose it.

I apologise for this skimpy entry, but believe me, I had such big plans when I switched on the computer.

Sigh bh… Are we the only ones up to our eyebrows?

time

“Time is too slow for those who wait,
too swift for those who fear,
too long for those who grieve,
too short for those who rejoice,
but for those who love,
time is eternity."

Henry Van Dyke

love is in the air

I was so happy last weekend when I bumped into the couple I successfully matchmade! And get this, I have never met them ever since I gave them each other's numbers - that was some FIVE years ago!!!

And they're getting married!

It's so surreal.

The thing was, when they first got in touch via sms, things got off on the wrong foot. I remember my last conversation with the girl... how I was apologetic that things didn't take off, although I knew I wasn't to be blamed... But some months later, I got wind that they somehow hooked up!

So yea that night we hung out and the couple finally submitted their progress report after all these years. Haha...

When the girl was out of earshot, the guy profusely thanked me for introducing her to him. And he said something which was really sweet:

"Which couple would not quarrel...? but I have to say, having learnt my lessons from past relationships, we have managed to go through the distance. I must say, her presence in my life... it was timely..."

Aww... *dabs tears

I know this sounds silly but it feels as though they're my babies. I feel so blessed to be able to witness their union.

I really really wish them a lifetime of bliss. *throws confetti

in the doghouse

I must forget

slightly past a year
but it seemed as clear
as yesterday...
yesterday...

Everything simply flooded back to me...
The scenes, the emotions, the words...
Couldn't hold back negative thoughts.
I knew I shouldn't be thinking them but I couldn't help myself.
The more I tried to control them, the wilder they became.
It was awful.

I felt awful.

husband after the wedding

make the right choice.

an american finds love in paris

I love this ad.

will you?

A proposal app.
How about that?
the creator must be a guy who thinks he's rescuing
all the stumped and lazy guys out there...

Unless the guy had painfully scripted and written this app from scratch
just for a girl and surprised her with it (which would be romantic),
we girls want the REAL thing.

Don't you girls agree?

* will you is an entertainment iphone app developed by sanji celeski

quote of the day

no one is worth my tears; and one who is will not make me cry

straight from the horse's mouth

Just yesterday, two men were in my office, servicing the printer. For a couple of servicemen on the job, they sure talked a lot… and loudly too.

So while I was minding my own business at my desk, I couldn't help but overhear their conversation.

They were chatting about several different topics when Guy A started sharing his problems to Guy B. He talked about his mother, brother and basically sighed a lot.

Guy A: itulah… banyak benda (see… there’s plenty of problems)
Guy B: alah kau dah kahwin ape (well, at least you’re already married)
I suppose Guy B was consoling him that at least he wasn’t alone in this.
Guy A: kahwin? Kahwin, tak kahwin… kahwin tu untuk lepaskan nafsu (married? Marriage makes no difference. Marriage is just to relieve your lust)

I was appalled! I felt like turning around and smacking Guy A’s bloody face. But then it wouldn’t be worth it – he’s not worth it.

It reminded me of this episode of this Malay programme I caught on Suria called Mahligai Kaca (it basically means “Glass Castle”… aptly captures the fragility of marriage). I was told that the storylines were derived from real family court cases, although I’m not too sure about the accuracy of this.

But I must say the programme was an eye-opener. I only managed to catch one episode, which happened to be the last one.

It was about this lady who’s been divorced twice but doesn’t give up her search for the perfect man. She finally fell in love with a man, also divorced.

However, her good friend and even the man’s ex-wife advised her not to marry him. They warned that he’s a womanizer and that he could turn abusive. But she turned a deaf ear on them and chose to follow her heart instead.

However, just a few weeks before the wedding, she started to have doubts about him. But by then, all the wedding invites were sent out and in her opinion, it was simply too late to back out. So she proceeded with the wedding any way, praying that she had been wrong to doubt him.

Sadly, just three days after the wedding, he started not coming home, preferring to keep himself busy in the company of other women. When his friends reminded him that he was married, he replied something along the lines of:

“I get married so that I do not have to commit a sin. Having a wife means you can have ‘it’ anytime you want, without resorting to visits to back alleys. A wife saves you costs.”

While I was disgusted with that notion, at the back of my mind, it was just an actor delivering his lines.

Nothing beats the disgust of hearing the actual words from a man himself.
N o t h i n g .

Food for thought:
We often wonder if we're marrying for the wrong reasons.
But how often do we wonder if the man isn't marrying for the wrong reason?

So I shall quote this from Mahligai Kaca which I think is very true:

"It's easy to find a man, but it’s not easy to find a husband.”

happy bubbleday!

Yes, we’re officially ONE today!

Gosh, it just seemed like yesterday when bh, ph and I were chilling out at macs just lamenting about our lives. (errr… ok, that doesn’t sound too good)

But we were hardly sobbing. That’s the thing I love about my fellow hearties - we’re always laughing in our laments! And it was that very session that we started bubbling some ideas about our own space.

I loved that session, I loved our ideas and that motivated this very blog.

We started off as just the three of us, wondering, pondering and reflecting… Will we all find love and settle down in future? Well, we can never know what lies ahead for us, but it’s been a year and it’s definitely good to know that we’re not alone :)

Thank you all readers and contributors. Happy Holidays!




PS: Sorry hearties for disappearing. I just needed to get myself away from the world I knew for a while. So I did and now I’m back and feeling better. bh, you did an awesome job manning the blog all by yourself! *hugs

crazy

It seems lately I've been crazy over acoustic songs...
Listen to this sexy swoon-worthy cover of Gnarls Barkley's song by Ray Lamontagne.

God, I love his voice!

november rain

dedicated to the month and the weather...

the video is somehow cut off at the end, but otherwise, enjoy this acoustic cover of the Guns N' Roses song :)

which is the way to a woman’s heart?

A colleague had turned up at the office with something he whipped up himself for everyone. It just so happened that I was on medical leave that very day. Fortunately, I still managed to get a taste of his culinary skills via his personal home delivery service that evening. Haha, yea, very sweet colleagues I have.

Anyway, I was relating it to my girlfriends. One of them asked, “Is the guy married or not?”. She seemed rather happy to entertain the idea of having a boyfriend who cooks well and I offered to introduce him to her. It was hilarious how the conversation evolved from there.

The topic then arose - everyone knows the phrase, “The way to man’s heart is through his stomach”. But what about us women? Which is the way to a woman’s heart?

And it seemed that my dear foodie girlfriends were both unanimous in their answers “Stomach!” But I refuse to take their answers seriously cos (1) they were feeling peckish (2) they were feeding their imagination of chef boyfriends serving up dishes of love and (3) we were obviously not taking things seriously.

When I asked them that question, I wasn’t thinking of a guy’s ability to whip up a storm in the kitchen...

Fact is, women are such complex cerebral creatures. What we don’t feel, what we don’t understand, we can never bring ourselves to do. We can lie to that busybody auntie to get her nose out of where it doesn’t belong, we can lie to that irritating friend just so he would stop bugging us but we just can’t lie to our hearts and order them be opened to just any Tom, Dick or Harry (even if he does possess some mean culinary skills).

So what would or could a guy do to win my heart? Later, I started asking myself questions…

How can I fall in love with a man if I can’t see something good in him?
How can I be touched by his actions if I can’t feel his sincerity?
How can I feel secure if I can’t taste his efforts and the fruits they bear?
How can I miss someone whose presence I’ve never smelled?
How can I share a fulfilling relationship with someone whom I can’t hear his thoughts, ideas and dreams?

And then I found my answer.


Of course I’m not representing all women in this, but yes, my take on which would be the way to a woman’s heart?

It would be through her senses.