the break up

Its been over 3 yrs. The journey has been most fulfilling, full of highs and lows, lots of laughter and tears,and just as many glorious winning moments as there are weary battles lost. But the relationship is slowly becoming... stifling. Too clingy, too dependent. Not enough room to breathe. Suddenly, things that I'd do out of passion became an obligation. And that sense of dread in the pit of my stomach to face another day, to face you. Never a good sign. The thought of leaving crossed my mind, but I never had the courage to actually do it. A fear of the unknown? And if I could find someone who could treat me as well as you do?

Then something unexpected comes along. A long lost contact, a familiar voice calls me up with an offer to pick up where we left before. One meeting was all it took to make me reconsider my options. Against well-intended advice from friends and family, I felt it's time to move on.

Breaking the news was awkward, because I never showed signs of unhappiness. Always with a ready smile, never complaining. It came as a shocker, I'm sure. At first acceptance, and then came the slow talk.

"What can I do to make you stay?" he asked. I knew he genuinely wanted me there.

To my utter disbelief, he made me an offer I find hard to resist. It's what I always wanted, dangling in front of me. But it means staying for all the wrong reasons. The reasons to leave will still be there, the nagging, little problems that sowed seeds of my discontent will persist. And yet, he promises me a better future, that things will get better, to just give him a little more time.

This is of course, a safer path to take. A route I've traversed for years and for all its problems, one that I'm comfortable with.

On the other hand, there is someone waiting for my answer. Or rather, already assuming I will say yes. Sure, it's not exciting as what I'm used to now, but I can expect stability, and a fresh start, which I really need badly now.

So what now? I hate dilemmas.

How I wish my love life is as exciting as my work life, and instead of managers, men fight for me. Pfft!