the one who had little to say

I should have thought things through before I gave that little teaser at the end of my last entry.

What can I possibly say about a date who doesnt talk much right?

But anyways.

I got to know mr n last year. We started off conversing over the sms and met up a few times before. It's sort of a matchmake thingy by my family so I just gave it a shot for the sake of the other people involved in this.

The problem every time we meet is this...”cricket...cricket...” (sound efx courtesy of plastered heart).

At first I thought it was merely because we just got to know each other. But the last date I had with him a few weeks ago, which was the 4th, was really not much different from the 1st one.

The first time we met was for dinner after work, at this eating place both of us had always wanted to go. I ended work at 6, made my way down and reached there at 7 and I was home by.... 8.30. I told my mom that I wasn't coming home for dinner and SHE was surprised to see me back so early cos usually my dinner with friends will last until at least 9ish or 10.

During dinner, we tried to keep the conversation going... it usually revolved around work. Other topics surfaced but none were engaging... I really didn't remember much of it. You know how a typical dinner date will be followed by maybe drinks or coffee somewhere else but how could I suggest it when we were barely talking over dinner. It's not like we had so much to talk about to each other that we had to go elsewhere. So yeah, I was sent straight home (and it's not like HE suggested it either).

Dates two and three were slightly better (lasted more than 2 hours), but in terms of er.. quality of talk time, it was still so-so. After that, there was a long hiatus when he didnt ask me out, so I was relieved (at least I could tell my mom that HE stopped calling me mah).

But he did ask me out again for a movie recently. So how did it go? I really enjoyed it... the movie, that is. The show ended at about 4.30pm, still early right? So I thought we'd go for a meal at least. I was starving but when I asked him if he was hungry, he replied, “actually i'm not hungry.... but if you wanna eat, I can accompany you la.”

ok granted, he did offer to eat with me but so weird right? What is he gonna do while I eat? Twiddle his thumbs? We got nothing to say to each other! So I said it's ok, i'll eat at home. After that we basically just walked around the whole mall, without really shopping or window shopping. I was waiting for him to say something about where to go next or at least say that we should go off now, but he didnt! When we reached the spot where we first started walking from, I couldnt stand it anymore and just told him “Where you wanna go now? If you have nowhere in mind, just go home ah.”

Even though dates with mr n were very short, I always feel drained out. I think it's coz I have to think so hard of the next topic to talk about... have you guys ever done that before? It's tiring! Plus, I have to keep a polite smile or at least, try to not look too bored. That also sapped my energy...

As much as I want to give this a shot, and as much as my parents want this to work out, it's really futile. What's this talk about ppl getting better after they get married and will open up more then? At the current rate we're going, it's a huge risk that i'd be taking, by hoping that he would be a different person.

Maybe he's one of those guys who really don't know how to express themselves with words. But even if I accept the fact that he's not a very vocal person, I dont know how to work around it and build a relationship out of this. If there's some initial attraction or common grounds to start with, maybe it's possible. But this, like a friend said, is like fitting a circle into a square. It wont work.

I decided after I got home that day that I'm not going to waste time (mine and his) on this anymore. If he ever asks me out again, i'll have to say no. and if my parents ask about my progress with him, i'm going to have to tell them I cant do this anymore.

Wish me luck, hearties.