man's biggest secret

Recently, I was enlightened by the discovery of a little known fact. Someone told me that from reading this blog, he realised that men’s dating experiences and thought processes are not much different from us girls’.

I find it hard to believe, but there you have it, coming straight from the (male) horse’s mouth.

"The fact is that we men are less reluctant to express ourselves… but still feel the same emotions as any other woman. They do think much of things. Just tat they don’t show it. I guess tats how men are being built."

So there you go folks. Man’s biggest secret: They are just like us. Maybe they do post-mortem on their dates. Maybe they are just as insecure about us as we are about them. And they find us hard to decipher.

But the difference is this – even though they think like us, they don’t act the same. They are not likely to express what they’re thinking, or discuss their dates with their mates or jot them down in a public space like this :)

To me, this is one of the most frustrating attributes of the male species. Why can’t they express themselves more? Or say what they feel? I’ve always felt that honesty is the way to go to make any relationship work. So how will it work when one party doesn’t say what’s going on in their heads?

This was one of the main causes of many recurring fights I had with my partner before. We can’t possibly live like that all our lives can we? It’s not healthy when such genetic differences get in the way of a relationship.

I lamented on how guys seem more attentive and are more likely to share their emotions when they first get to know us girls. After the courtship is over, they tend to get lazy and not be as expressive as the first few months.

His take on men being less attentive after courtship is this… the concept of love in a man is very simple. Man loves woman and decides to be with her. To a man...that’s the ultimate declaration of his love. He doesn’t have to express anything else after that.

Ok. That’s discovery no. 2 for me. So since we can’t change the way the male brain works (and god knows how hard we’ve tried), what to do?

His solution is that each gender must understand the psyche of one another. It’s not just about fitting the bill or finding the perfect partner. It’s the ability to be comfortable with each other's psyche… It’s a feeling, not an action.

I guess that’s compromise at the very top level. Whoever you end up with, you have to understand that guys are built differently from us. But I think it’s much easier to compromise if you’re with someone you love in the 1^st place. If not, it’s going to be the hardest relationship ever.

I think the underlying lesson my companion was telling me was this:

There is no point in blaming or finding fault in all the men that we dated, coz ultimately, men are built differently.

Perhaps the reason I’m still single and searching is because of my mindset.

I could either wait (possibly a long, long one) for the right kind of guy to come along. Or I could have a mindset change, a paradigm shift, or perception management, if you can call it that.

Once I accept the fact that very few men are going to pour out their heart and soul to me, maybe it’ll be easier to be with a man of very few words.

We’ll see about that. Stay tuned for updates of my date with The One Who Had Little to Say.

p/s: thanks to the guy with whom i had this interesting conversation with. but if i had misrepresented what you said in any way or left anything out, please feel free to make it right :)