the one who made me run (part II)

Have you ever reflected on something you did ages ago and wondered why the hell you even did it? Like why, why, why?

Well, that’s how I felt whenever I think back about Mr big eyes.
Ok… after my sprinting episode, he finally left me alone. Thank God... No more sudden appearances, no more staring, no more stalking, nothing. Months passed and he graduated. I no longer saw him around in school and I soon forgot all about him...

Until the day I met him again.

Was walking towards my usual bus stop when I spotted him standing there. We boarded the same bus but did nothing more than to give each other the eye of recognition.

It happened quite often after that but he never did anything that scared me so I soon decided that he was harmless. Only after crossing paths a few more times, he made small talk with me. It was no longer something lame like the weather but we sort of exchanged nuggets of information.

I can’t remember what happened in detail but oddly we became friends. Why, why why? I guess I remember thinking that he probably scared girls away with his looks and weird approaches and deduced that maybe all he needed was just a friend. I suppose that’s how I decided to give him a chance.

I have a pretty good memory but I can’t remember how or why I passed him my address. But it must have happened otherwise he wouldn’t have written me letters. Yea, yea… Why, why why? The irony of it… being pen pals with your ex-stalker.

Anyway, we kept in touch via letters, emails and even hung out a few times. I know, I know.. Why, why why? Well, until…

I invited him to an exhibition that I was a part of. He turned up. I thought it was rather nice of him and was appreciative about it but as I couldn’t bring him around myself, I advised him to look around by himself.

I remember this scene distinctly. I was standing with my friends when a friend pointed out to me, “Hey your friend’s been staring at you the whole time from upstairs”. I looked up and there was Mr big eyes, two levels above me, his big eyes fixated on me.

Realising that I have caught sight of him, he gave a slow wave.

I don’t know why but I froze that very minute. A familiar feeling started to creep up on me.

I suddenly recalled a time when he asked what perfume I applied. When I told him I didn’t apply any, he stood close to me and took a deep long sniff of my hair with his eyes closed.

I shuddered. The familiar feeling started to make sense...

It was fear.

You might think I’m silly but I never quite gotten over that fear. It creeped me out so bad that I avoided his calls, did not reply his emails and letters. In fact he was the original reason why I used pseudonyms online.

From that day on, it’s as though I suffered a short circuit in my memory. Imagine, I could remember the entire earlier scary experience of being stalked in school but couldn’t remember much of what happened during our friendship.

His last letter to me was a few years ago. He had just returned from the United States after five years and wanted to make contact again. I suppose he was trying his luck by sending me a letter.

I still remember his last letter… it was white and had tiny heart designs all around.

I never replied.

You could say I made myself scarce from his life.