the one about the crush (part iii)

contributed by one of our readers, random heart.

M and I exchanged numbers in one of our chats. But we never progressed to chatting on the phone. If I remember correctly, he called once on the pretext that his University mate was looking for a tutor for the cousin or something and he had passed on his phone to his friend and I had passed my phone to my friend. Very silly right? LOL

We only SMSed Hari Raya and birthday wishes.

When M entered University, he was so preoccupied with his new routine that I rarely saw him on msn. Our usual chats died down and the only thing that kept our virtual friendship going were occasional emails. Each time I decided that it’s time to forget M, he’d pop back into my life.

Meanwhile, I was an avid blogger on Multiply and each time I blogged about something, he’d receive a copy of my entry. The beauty of Multiply allowed me to know who read my entry and when. But of course the person had to choose to open the email in the first place.

I realized then, that he’d pass on boring titles like "My day at work" and go for titles like "My Date with..." So I couldn’t help but adopt attention-grabbing titles. He was the first to read my entry grousing about my granny (the title had sounded like I was chiding a love interest).

Through that avenue, he managed to find out my birthday. He was 4 days too late but sent an SMS anyway:

M: Happy belated birthday! How, lots of presents? For me I never get any in fact have to give presents on my birthday.

I was pleasantly surprised to get that SMS, quite unexpected because our contact with each other had been sporadic lately.

Anyway being cheeky, I sent a reply:

Me: That’s all? No presents?

He: Yes, there is… A little prayer that you’ll be happy always, dunia & akhirat. (english: in this lifetime and afterlife)

Awwww! Do you guys get how I feel? These are exactly the kind of things that makes me fall deeper and deeper!

By this time, he had completed his degree and was scheduled to train in another country for 2 years.

At that time, he was already drawing his paycheck from his job training. Funnily he liked to withdraw his money at the ATM near my block even though there is one in the one of that central place near his block. And how did I know that? Because I get weird SMSes from him like: Eh still so early how come your kitchen light is on? Langsir dapur lawa sey. (english: Nice kitchen curtains)

How did he know which unit I lived in? I suspected that he had probably had checked it out when he was serving NS at the NPC right about the same time I shifted house. Yea, this naïve girl had disclosed her name then.

Anyway, after he landed a high flying job, our contacts had been very minimal. I no longer have his number after he had gone off to another country to do his training. MSN was our only mode of communication.

It dwindled from occasional chats to just a few liners.

And even when he returned back to Singapore, it seemed that his status on MSN is always OUT FOR LUNCH. Cannot be always out for lunch right?

And after reading Mr Greg Behrendt’s “He’s just not into you” self-help book… Well that’s probably what it was all about - He just wasn’t that into me.

Because let’s face it, he had every chance of asking me out if he wanted to. He can’t be that thick not to know that I have crush on him - after all he’s very intelligent.

So there I had my closure. It had always been a one-sided thing. I had a humongous crush on him but that’s about it.

Up till now I still have not deleted him from my contacts. It’s just a constant reminder of my memories with my dear VERY VIRTUAL friend/crush.

Well nevertheless I hope he is happy always and of course having memories like this is part of the growing up process.



And that my dear hearties, is my story.

I didn’t promise a happy ending now did I?