I really would’ve replied, “Do you really have to because, they wouldn’t have ended up being exes now, would they?”
But I didn’t cos I suppose it’s a valid question. Her new beau had quite a few partners before. And it’s natural to want to know how we measure up in the eyes of someone who’s been dating a lot or has been in multiple relationships. I mean it would really suck to believe all this while that you’re good at something or bringing something positive to the relationship only to learn that his ex was way better than you at it. What better way to feel confident, huh?
I don’t remember how I answered her. But I remember this – once I asked a friend how many girlfriends he had. His answer… “It doesn’t matter because only one girl mattered.”
Oh, I wonder if that girl knew she had such a strong hold on him still... Which leads me to the question – what makes us drawn to a particular person?
There’s no definite answer of course, everyone is different in personality and character and definitely has different tastes. But seriously, have you ever wondered - of all the persons you’ve ever had a crush on, or dated or loved, who mattered to you most? Why?
Why is that one person so special to you…I gave it some thought and decided that if that same friend asked me the same question again (which is highly probable, as she has a habit of repeating herself), I would tell her (or anyone who wondered the same thing as she did) this:
That you would kick yourself for all the things you did or did not do…
That you wished you didn't let go...
That you can never ever forget…
That you never found anyone else who came close...
It’s human nature to compare. But instead of comparing yourself to someone’s exes, try measuring yourself up against him/her. Think of all the wonderful things he/she has done/ given to you; can you honestly say that you’d have brought equal, if not more positivity into his/her life?
How would YOU fare against him/her?
Cos really, I think that’s the only comparison that ever matters.
With that, let me leave you with this lovely song:
when i saw the title, tat song immediately popped in my head. heh.
ReplyDeletesometimes you really cant beat the ghosts from ur partner's past. if i knew that his last ex was the one he termed 'love of his life', it'd be really demoralising. but since we cant erase the past, the next best thing is to give it your best shot and try to make him as happy as possible. and hope tat he gives his all to me too, coz in the end, i'm the one he chose to be with NOW.
i wouldn't be able to deal with such a thing...
ReplyDeletei will leave the guy, for sure! hehehe
don't you guys just love this song? heh
ReplyDeletebarren: my sentiments exactly. we should all give our best, not only for the best of the relationship, but for the sake of ourselves.
plastered: leave the guy you love? hmm is that your heart or your mind talking? haha just teasing :P but yea i think if a guy still thinks of an ex as the benchmark, he hasn't fully let go, and hasn't fully let you in. we all deserve dedicated love and attention, don't we?
MetroMan finds time amid work & says:
ReplyDelete"Apparitions" of the past should not matter. While, it is idle fantasy (most times for him) to wish that the present one had certain physical attributes of a few before, what was past should NOT be a factor when we hv already decided to take a chance for a future with someone. And when we do, we go in with a combination of heart and mind... a grounded love, if you may call it. I reiterate... its A CHANCE we're taking. It may or may not work out, but one thing for sure is that we are a sum of the pple of our past & present(i.e. we are better in experience, happy ending or otherwise). If you like what you see, this is it; we can't be someone else and we don't make reasons for not being as such. The other extreme degree of idle fantasy would be pining for an old flame. Then said person has too many excess baggage to deal with to see what opportunities present itself.
i don't think that all that we are is a sum of the ppl of our past & present, but rather, much of us is a sum of our experiences (like you said, happy or otherwise).
ReplyDeletewhile your past should not matter or haunt you, it does not mean it should not be a factor. in fact, sometimes, it is the summary of lessons learnt from past failed relationships that serve as a reminder of the things that should or should not matter.
it's pointless to harp on someone in our past and be blind to present opportunities. for with each relationship and with time, we grow. and inevitably in growth, we change.
so let's all take our chances :)