Which girl doesn't dream of the perfect wedding? The perfect dress. The perfect ring. The perfect man.
Sometimes the idea of a wedding is so enticing that we lose focus. All we want is the perfect wedding, when really, shouldn't we work towards the perfect marriage instead?
Before you plan your wedding, shouldn't you make sure you're with the right person first? What happened to making sure he's The One? And shouldn't we ask ourselves if we are mentally ready to take the next step? It's a marriage, not playing house with your boyfriend. Are we so wedding-oriented that we would just grab the guy next to us and make him sign on the dotted line with us?
No, this isn't about me again. I'm just perplexed by what I observed so far. I know people who'd do whatever it takes just to get married, to the point of deluding themselves.
Example: Couple A have been together for 5 years. As with most couples, they bicker, they have problems. But since they've come this far, they're not seeing anyone else or meeting anyone new and the whole world knows them as “Couple A”, they take the next step. Get married. It seems like the natural progression huh? But the truth is, there are still many kinks to iron out, many issues remain unresolved. There are things they hate about each other, but deep inside, they tell themselves, “It'll get better once we're married.”
Will it?
After that, the madness of planning the wedding starts. This process can be arduous and straining to the relationship (or so I've been told) and couples have been known to break up and call off the wedding in the planning stage. I'd say good for them. Better than after you say your vows right?
For those who do get through the wedding, they'll face the next challenge ahead: the rest of their lives together. The first few months of honeymoon period will be bliss for sure, when you are settling into life as one. After the perfect wedding, this is what you've always been waiting for. Coming home to your loved one, cooking for your husband, basking in your new found status as “husband and wife”.
And when you think all is well, something happens. You realise, the guy you married is still the same as before. With the same quirks and flaws that seem to be exponentially blown up now that you're living under the same roof.
Nothing really has changed. Reality bites. And marriage is no miracle cure.
Some people fight to work things out, which is admirable and well, isn't that what marriage is all about? Other aren't so lucky. The cracks that appeared during their courtship had escalated to a gaping hole between them; one that's beyond repair, impossible to ignore and now you KNOW won't just “get better.” These are the ones who end up in divorce a couple of years after tying the knot.
Sad isn't it? All that trouble, money spent on the grand wedding, only to come to naught.
I, for one, have been dreaming of that white wedding for the longest time. But I hope, if my time does come, that I don't lose sight of it all and will try my best to plan my marriage instead of just my wedding.
your opening liner would've made me feel less of a girl if it weren't for the "perfect man" bit haha.
ReplyDeletea slew of questions rushed thru my mind when i read this.
"how can you ensure someone is THE ONE?" it's difficult enough to find someone to love, but to ensure he is THE ONE...
"there will always be ups and downs in relationship, but unless enough is enough, what would warrant an end to it?" relationships are alive and growing, in which quarrels are inevitable... when do you stick it out or move on to your search for The One?
i totally agree that marriage is one that involves a lot of planning. "where are we staying, who's managing the finances, how many kids"... the list goes on. but marriage is so huge, it's really something bigger than just the two of you (parents and in laws to be included) that you can't plan every tiny detail.
what you can plan however, is committing to your resolute to make things work, no matter what happens.
i'm not saying 2 people should just give it up just because they fight a lot. but you shouldnt dive into a marriage with the expectation that the other party will change overnight. sometimes people change for the better... maybe being married and having a kid will make one more matured and responsible. but that's not always the case is it?
ReplyDeletemy point is you cant expect someone to change just coz you're married. so before getting hitched, we should acknowledge and accept the person that he is now, flaws and all, without the perception that he will change and the relationship will get better later.
hope im making some sense here, lest i sound like some marriage-bashing sour-graped single woman. lol
lol lol... nah you don't sound like a marriage bashing sour grape. haha.
ReplyDeletei got what you mean, if you can't wholly accept his flaws, how else do you expect to team up and face future problems head on?
although sometimes, even after being mentally prepared, we are just thrown of track cos we really don't know the full extent of the flaw till we really live together haha. (sounds really ominous ha ha)
btw, my earlier questions were 'wonders' sparked by your entry but i guess i should have just left them out of this comment box. haha...