mark-chicks

I stuck my head out my room door to see what the din in my living room was all about...

I was totally unprepared for the sight that greeted me.

Rows of makciks (malay aunties) were sitting on the floor. Who were they? I wondered, not recognising any one of them from my restricted view. And just as I decided to check on my appearance before I went out properly to greet them, a few pairs of eyes turned to me.

Spotted, I smiled. Okay… no chance to turn back now… I walked towards the ones sitting nearest to my room and then I realized… there were so many of them… probably twenty. Even the furniture was pushed to the side of the wall just to make room for them.

It was intimidating.

Despite their smiles, their eyes betrayed their analytical if not critical thoughts. Some nodded as though in approval of my manners and dressing. The rest observed me closely as I salam-ed every makcik and was systematically making my way towards them.

The dreaded questions hung heavily in the air…

“Is she single?”
“ How old is she?”
“What is she doing now?”

Urgh! I felt like an unwilling female contestant being graded by these “mark-chicks” in some reality game show.



* mark-chicks - malay makciks whose second nature is to mark the qualities in "anak daras" (single ladies)

confessions of a metro man

my interview with the metrosexual man (MetroMan).

a little background info... MetroMan enjoys the company of the fairer sex, he enjoys making them comfy. But MetroMan has a dark secret. He's selfish and can't bring himself to commit for fear of becoming like the "bapak-bapak" types such as his frens who got hitched.

Metroman's weakness is the hot model type woman; his diction goes weak in their presence and is reduced to what i think is akin to the Caveman. He mumbles & grunts. I've seen myself a few of these specimen that MetroMan is attracted to. ok la. Gruntworthy.

When he goes on dates, MetroMan is polite to no end, even if he finds that they talk too much, are too short or too boring. The ladies will ask for seconds, but MetroMan always has some reason... usually very believable but made-up and delivered in a politically-correct and gentlemanly way, always, of course.

A summary of what MetroMan wants?

Manicured & mischievious, organised & outgoing, sassy & smart, and HOT. His M.O.S.H rule.

Well, if this is what most metro men go for, no wonder i'm still single.

the one who was too atas

Have you ever went out with someone who made you feel inferior? Not someone who looks down on you or talks in a condescending way. But someone who’s just so way up there that you feel… little.

This guy I got to know was just like that. His profile was what made me reply to his msg to me. In less than 50 words, he came off as a witty, smart and yet unassuming kinda guy.

After a few exchanges online and over sms, we agreed to meet. He’s really cute in person, just the right height (haha) and he picked me up in his swanky continental car. Not what I expected at all. As we were talking, I got to know more about him…his high-flying post at a big company, his hobbies, in which I saw just how freaking talented he is, where he was schooling before… In short, his resume is mighty impressive.

Then he went on about the music and bands he likes and general views about pop culture. He’d ask me if I heard about this band or read about this theory… most of the time my answer would be “er…no”. He’d go on telling me about this and that, to which I’d have nothing much to say coz I have no freaking idea what he’s talking about! Cheemology to the highest level man, this one. A smart guy is a turn-on but his repository of knowledge is so vast that I’m beginning to feel like an ignorant little girl beside him. Very unflattering and not great for self-esteem.

He must have felt the same coz after 2 dates, he was gone.

But a few months later, he popped up on the radar and we chatted again. This time, he lamented that there are no interesting girls to get to know online. I guess by that, he meant I’m not interesting enough for him. Fair enough and I couldn’t agree more :P

I told him, there are some happening chicks out there, just that he hasn’t found any. Coincidentally, I knew of a friend’s friend, this girl who was smart and outgoing, which I thought would be suitable for him. So I just gave him her profile page link and told him to just send her a message. I told him I don’t know her, but from her profile, she seemed interesting… which was a half lie coz I did know her a little.

After that, I never heard from him again. But many moons later, I heard from my friend (the friend of that girl’s), that she’s dating this super-atas guy who drives a certain continental car and works at so and so company.

Whaddya know, my Cupid's arrow got a bull's eye. I guess I did my good deed for a fellow single lady :)

upset to the max

on days like these, i wish i had my very own personal human punching bag.

xoxo,
barren "not-thankful-it's-friday" heart

truth i must face

contributed by one of our readers, amorphous heart.

Kinda sorta started hanging out with my ex- again. A repeat, a pattern of seeing each other again once every 2 years when he is back in the area. We broke up 4 years ago, both leaving each other broken and hurt and changed.

I saw him 2 weeks ago. He hadn't called or emailed since I kissed his sweet lips. So I was depressed the entire past week and cried three times. Any sappy song on the radio or I heard during gym class got me teary.

I won't say that it's complicated - it's just very tangled up. We both know we are not getting back together. I take it that him not contacting me is a clean break... to think he did it because he loves me is comforting, to think he did it for himself is not so.

And then this evening just 5 hours earlier, I heard my cell ring and saw his name on my phone. I was elated… talked nervously and stammered and stuttered. I got him to laugh a few times. Guess my humor is still alive and kicking even when I am nervous talking to a guy I loved over and over.

When I found out that he spent his last weekend driving 45 minutes to a co-worker's for dinner, doing laundry and walking around the city, I was furious and hurt that he didn't have 5 mins to call me 7 days earlier. He didn't even have the courtesy to call to say he accepted his job offer last Friday! I didn't want to talk to him anymore. My stomach almost turned over inside out. He mentioned that he would be away for the next few 2 weekends for bachelor's parties. Which, to my internal calculations, means that we won't see each other till the June 20 weekend. I was mad at his indifference at my tears, my missing him, my hoping to see him too soon - even though I have no right to when I didn't tell him about all that. And I couldn't tell him all that because, in spite of my knee-jerk anger, I know I have no right to. Plus any other rights revoked since we are no longer together.

My good friend said I should be happy that he at least called to share a part of his life with me. I said I am only half happy. She said I am not longer his priority, his 1st person on speed dial, to break news to. I couldn't face the reality, his reality with my current expectations.

wonder : love is ...

wonder trigger:

m.c: my partner doesn't smell at all leh... even after exercising her sweat smells sweet. was telling her that even after she runs a few clicks, i can still kiss her armpits.
me: hahah! hmm... love is...

===========================================================

hmm...
if you can't see, you're blind
if you can't hear, you're deaf
if you can't speak, you're mute

But what if you can't smell?
Hmm... thanks to google, I found the answer.

"Anosmic".

How weird. you wouldn't think "anosmic" was related to its one-syllable cousins "blind", "deaf" and "mute", would you? It certainly doesn't sound like it belongs. But oh well... anosmic it is.

So the next time you hear someone using the common phrase "Love is blind", you can try to impress them by adding, "Love is anosmic" too. Haha...

Although of course, don't count on the phrase to be as popular cos it's not as widely applicable as the former in the context of love.

I mean, can you imagine loving someone with body odour? How the hell can one ever smell pass that?

random

I spotted these tees and immediate fell in love with them! So apt don’t you think? :P

Should I get them?? So tempted but I’m not sure if I have the balls to wear them out. hehe

the one who caught me unaware

I met mr j about 4 years ago through friendster. He messaged me online first and I remembered it was a witty one. None of those “you’re so sweet, can I befriend you” kinda shit. I listed tim burton’s the melancholy death of oyster boy as one of my fav reads and in his message he mentioned he likes it too, adding on that he had a thing for morbid things. I thought that was cute and we corresponded from there. he wrote me long, funny messages… and he just talked about the most random things. From tim burton, we moved to the horrors of horror flicks, weird antics of the anal people we know, music (he played in 2 bands), work gripes, part time studies...

The thing about his writing was that he could make the most banal topic seem interesting and it was a real joy to get his messages coz he’d always make me laugh in front of the pc. What I liked most was that he didn’t need to try to hard to write all these. The impression I got was that he’s a real friendly, easy-going, talkative kind of person.

After sending almost-daily messages online for about a month, we finally decided to meet. First outing was fine, just dinner and coffee afterwards. He’s exactly what I imagined him to be. During our meet-up, he was chatty and disarming, and we arranged to meet again soon.

The next time was lunch on a Saturday. He said he’s working that day but can still meet me. So ok, while eating, he told me to drop by his office after that. I thought it’s kinda weird, coz what office is so open to visitors right? But he insisted that his colleagues won’t mind.

Off we went to this building which was nearby. There were a lot of people milling around outside, and mr j seemed to know everyone… he stopped to say hi to the people outside, on the way up the lift, at the corridors. It was quite a crowded office for a Saturday, I thought. Still I didn’t know what his company was doing, so I asked. Then he showed me to the reception area which had cashiers and a showcase of products they sold. Up to that point, I just assumed he was giving me a tour of his office. Then we came to this huge room with even more people. mr j told me this is where they have trainings. Then came the punchline.

“We’re having a talk for newbies soon. You want to sit in?”

I hesitated. I know I was a bit slow but it then dawned on me what this was. A recruitment exercise for unsuspecting victims into an MLM scheme. Duh! But there I was, stuck. The irritating thing about me is that I can’t say no. Or rather it’s hard for me to say no to someone face to face. He said it won’t take long, no obligations, just listen, blablabla…

So I sat. And I listened to the trainer (another young 20something guy), along with a few other newbies. From their unsmiling faces, I bet they were duped into coming here too. Trainer guy was saying how the most successful ones in the company could afford Ferraris and were already planning to retire by the time they hit 35. Then they showed us the products, a range of magnetic sheets… mattress, mattress covers, pillow covers, bracelets, the works la.

And it lasted all of 3 hours can! After that was done, I was assigned a ‘partner’, one of the salesperson there, who was trying to get me to sign in. To join, obviously I had to buy a product first. These things cost a lot mind you, at least $300 for the cheapest one. Of course I didn’t want, but these MLM people are damn persistent man! My partner told me to have a drink downstairs to think about it. All the while, I didn’t even see mr j, until at the coffeeshop where he appeared. Still as smiley and ‘genuine’ looking as ever. Even though I was peeved, it’s hard to show my anger with a place full of energetic, super-psyched up, motivated MLM-ers. I was outnumbered!

So what to do? I just couldn’t take any more of the persuading and cajoling and sales spiel. Just needed to get this over and done with. So I just bought the cheapest thing there, one magnetic sheet for the pillow case (was about $200 or $300).

By the time I got out of the hellhole, it was 7 in the evening and I met mr j at 2pm! By the end of the ‘date’, I was drained, broke and armed with a stupid sheet which I used for less than a month before it got lost in the storeroom.

Even now, this has been my worst and most embarrassing date ever. Who the hell gets conned on a date? But I have to say kudos to mr j for the brilliant build-up of a so-called friendship.

So can anyone beat my record? Please share if you do. At least I don’t feel like the stupidest girl on earth.