b.h's latest entry certainly sparked many thoughts in my head. The fear of listing 'criteria' or dreams is something I can surely relate to. But considering the fact that even by not listing or saying them out all these years never made a difference anyway, I'm hereby kicking superstition in the face by revealing mine. So here goes...
When I was young I used to think that 24 was an ideal age to get hitched. Is it just me or do other girls agree that there's just something comforting about the even number… Twenty-four... An age old enough but not too old, youthful but not too young. Isn't it a cool age to get married, I thought.
But I knew it would remain a dream for as long as... well until I found 'the one'. So I drew up a mental checklist of the basic requirements for 'the one'. It started out as a guideline to help me 'recognise' him should I encounter such a guy.
Sounds simple enough doesn't it? Pretty basic too, I thought. But truth of the matter is… the sad truth in fact, things never remain simple. Cos times change, needs change, people change and so did my list.
So there you go. What was once bare and simple became complicated and impossible. And 'the one' became unrecognisable.
But lists are just lists.
And dreams remain dreams.
The reality is
I’m no longer 24.
I’m not married.
And I don’t feel loved.
So while my list has evolved, my life hasn’t.
When I was young I used to think that 24 was an ideal age to get hitched. Is it just me or do other girls agree that there's just something comforting about the even number… Twenty-four... An age old enough but not too old, youthful but not too young. Isn't it a cool age to get married, I thought.
But I knew it would remain a dream for as long as... well until I found 'the one'. So I drew up a mental checklist of the basic requirements for 'the one'. It started out as a guideline to help me 'recognise' him should I encounter such a guy.
Adolescent list (not in order of priority):
Someone…
Who is older
Who is humorous
Who is a good listener
Whom I can trust
Who loves me
Who drives me crazy (in a passionate and fun sort of way)
Who is honest
Sounds simple enough doesn't it? Pretty basic too, I thought. But truth of the matter is… the sad truth in fact, things never remain simple. Cos times change, needs change, people change and so did my list.
Adult list (latest):
Someone...
Who is mature in his thinking
Who can see the humour in life even when things are down
Who isn’t just a good listener to others but also listens to himself speak
Whom I can trust and he in turn, trusts me
Who doesn’t just love me but also himself, the world around him and God
Who is contagiously driven in his passion and pursuit for happiness
Who is as honest to me as he is to his feelings
So there you go. What was once bare and simple became complicated and impossible. And 'the one' became unrecognisable.
But lists are just lists.
And dreams remain dreams.
The reality is
I’m no longer 24.
I’m not married.
And I don’t feel loved.
So while my list has evolved, my life hasn’t.
hey, we may be old and single but definitely loved ok! by each other at least :)
ReplyDeleteit's a good list, one i could use for my own guideline. heh. but you forgot one more:
one who has the strength to pick himself up in times of weaknesses, be it his or mine.
but lists are just lists. sometimes, someone may come along who meets your criteria but somehow, you find tat he's not right. a good guy may be in front of you, one who posseses all the 'right' qualities. but somehow he feels wrong. i think chemistry, or tat spark, has to be there also.
or shld we just forgo that and just look for wats on our list? after all, if one has all those qualities listed, he has to be a great catch right?
damn! you commented just as I was about to remove the entry. haha...
ReplyDeletehmm... do you look at the spark past the qualities or find the spark within the qualities? sounds like a conundrum to me...
in any case, i *heart* my fellow hearties :)
and why on earth would u want to delete the entry??? its good!! And its a realistic list... i guess the list does change as time progresses...
ReplyDeletei have to relook my list :P
plastered: cos the fear of jinxing myself made me think of deleting it. haha... you think it's realistic? I was just wondering if it's asking for too much...
ReplyDeleteshare your list leh...
i think for the fact that your life has evolved, therefore, your list has evolved. Not so much of the other way round. In any case, list is a list, when we met someone, i guess its generally how the person make us feel and how we feel about the person. Sometimes even if we found someone with all the ticks in the checklist, he may not be the right one. As one's life evolve further, there will be additions to the list and it will never get simpler.
ReplyDeletewelcome tickling heart :) you're right, my list evolved due to the fact that my life has evolved.
ReplyDeletesure, a list is a list but it does act as a guideline. and if we finally choose a person who lacks a few ticks, it shld be because we ultimately decide that we can accept him that way.
so i guess to put it simply, it's about finding that someone who will evolve together with us. hmm... not so simple though, heh.
yes! I cant agree with you more..it is important that the someone will be able to evolve together and accept the changes as time goes. Nothing and no one is stagnant or should be "stagnanted" by anyone for the fear of change.
ReplyDeletei love that last line! it's so powerful
ReplyDeletehope to hear more from you :)
It's been a while this was posted, but Hearties, I must say this entry made such a huge impact and reflection on me. And yes, it's a good one, I'm so glad wondering heart didn't remove it.:)
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I never really had a list of sorts. I thought I should try scribbling something down, but I gave-up sometime ago cos I figured, what's the point. The likelihood of me meeting those in the list, might or never really happen. Why should I kid myself, right? But as i read through the initial list, hey, it sounds pretty simple, good and quite me too. As i went on to read the adult list, i literally went oh-my-god! Because those shared my exact sentiments, esp being an adult now!
Well, if u were to ask me if i ever get to meet someone with all these, I'd say - yeah kinda. So lovely it is. That awesome chemistry, connection, spark - whatever -you name it. But it's unlikely and remote for me to think of being together. See, sometimes what you really like, what appeals to you, what you thought could be IT, is not quite yours to begin with or within your power to hold it in your hands.
And tickling heart - that last line is indeed earth-moving!! I loike.
-Vanilla
glad that the impact on you had been positive. hehe ok I'll try not to delete any entries in future (if I can help it).
ReplyDeleteyes, sometimes someone who might ideally and possibly be the one isn't exactly in the most ideal circumstances. I know a few women who'd still be willing to make it possible. what may be seen as naivety by some is seen as determination by others.
having said that, a list shouldn't merely list your wants and needs. it should also remind you of the principles you hold dearly to your heart. we choose whatever path we may take but in my opinion, we should never forget the principle rules we make cos once we break one, the rest too, will be broken over time.