The following was a comment contributed by our reader, Vanilla, in response to plastered heart's post. We felt and thought (no heart and mind battle there!) that it deserves its own published space. :)
L-O-V-E, oh what do we all know about it, right?
It comes in different shapes, forms, sizes, colours, smiles, prayers, kisses, words, almost anything you can imagine. I've concluded for myself, to love is not to reason. And love never really has a reason. When we love something or someone, we just do. We don't need reason to love, nor does love need any reason. It's a feeling. It's here (touches the heart).
Somewhere in this process, the mind suddenly reappears to remind you - 'hey you, don't forget me!'. And there you go - we start to justify or give explanations to certain things which never did require any of those. When we need to rationalise love, then at best what we can have is a relationship. Someone once shared this previous line with me, till today it's tattooed in me.
I guess, it's a habit to think after we feel. Sometimes that spoils the pure beauty of a simple sensation called 'F-E-E-L'. Special things behold unexplainable understanding. Sometimes the tendency to think too much is pretty high on the scale, then it becomes a bloody pain and a tumour at the back of our mind. So I quit thinking when i'm feeling, especially when in love, still loving or loved before. It never made any sense in the first place.
I thought I could rationalise so that I know how to justify what I'm doing or why I'm feeling this and that. Is it because of hidden insecurity, just a habit or guilt of not using the brain, or whatever it may be - I gave up, it doesn't matter.
So some will say, I'm being naive or don't be stupid by letting your emotions get over you, and be driven to a state madness. Some will say, love is blind or love only sees what it wants to see. Sometimes, it's darn tiring to always hear what others have to say. Well, I've learnt and want to trust my heart. If it fails me, so be it. Get up and walk again. And, I don't mean to completely leave behind the mind totally, of course.
Now now now, Hearties, this perpetual war between mind and heart; reasoning and feeling; logic and sense, rationale and baseless; and what-have-you, shall be a whole lifetime affair it seems! I may have been through the thickest of such battle that it almost drove me completely nuts, it bashes me to the bone, and gooossshhhh I was like the world's most miserable-looking-thing! I'm better now (or so i believe). It can be depressing because you're constantly fighting with that inner voice of both the heart and mind.
Can u imagine when two voices are trying to compete for your attention at the same time, and justifying to you why one is superior than the other? It's insane!
Try listening to 'Have You Ever Been in Love' by Celine Dion.
I love it.
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ur words almost put me to tears.
ReplyDelete'I've learnt and want to trust my heart. If it fails me, so be it. Get up and walk again.'
it takes a lot of strength and courage to do this, and i admire your faith in your heart.
i think if we let this internal battle go on inside our head/heart, without taking any sides, at the end of the day, we'll just turn numb and empty inside. desensitized to the cries from both ends.
that, to me, is the most depressing state of all.
more than just a habit, I think it’s impossible to feel and not think or think and not feel. the brain, being the ‘command station’ of our entire body sends out signals (to move the body, etc) as well as picks up on any new senses under its radar (feelings). when the heart feels a certain emotion (like a crush), the brain picks up the signals and tries to identify and define what it is, “hey, why am I feeling this way, do I like this guy?”
ReplyDeleteI guess it works that way so that we learn to understand ourselves better. I mean, if we never understood why we react and behave in certain ways, my god, I think we’ll be troubleshooting every minute, every second. we wouldn’t even be able to identify the simplest things that make us happy, much less identify the right man! haha
you’re right about the war between mind and heart being perpetual. cos life is full of decisions. the brain and the heart constantly battle it out to be the one to decide. but like barren said, we just have to learn to take sides.
I got this from a friend recently: “a wrong decision is better than indecision”
once we have decided on which to follow, we have to believe that it is the best for us. if it doesn’t bring victorious results, we need to have faith that this is the path we were meant to take… that it is necessary for us to learn something from. it’s never easy.
but if we were never acquainted with difficulty, we’ll never appreciate ease.
thanks for sharing this, vanilla. from your words, I do believe that you’re a strong woman and I sincerely hope you’re no longer bashing your bones :)
oh my!!!! Never did i expect that you would post this as dedicated entry! I'm soo overwhelmed....still am as i type this. Thank-you hearties....thank-you.
ReplyDeleteAnd as i read your comments, you ladies give me so much more hope and strength. So wise and sound. I'm re-reading them again and again.
I must have gotten carried away as my fingers typed the comment to Plastered Heart's entry. Now that i re-look at my own writings again, gossshh what an emotional sponge i am! Must be because of my hormones (again, blaming it on them although i refuse to). :P
Hearties, you know what, I almost teared when i saw that favourite music video of the song loaded above. Very nice.
Barren heart - thank-you for your kind words and i like what u said about "desensitized to the cries from both ends". Learnt something new today.
Wondering heart - totally spot on the part about "we need to have faith that this is the path we were meant to take" and about being "acquainted with difficulty" helps us to "appreciate ease". Aptly put.
I must admit I'm not that strong. I try. Really try....but it's so easy to crumble.
But whatever it is, we all attempt to fix our own current plus past emotions and thoughts some way, somehow. We just need to do that.
hi vanilla, we all need to strengthen our hope and courage sometimes. and what better way to do that other than by sharing our thoughts with one another? so pls keep them coming :)
ReplyDeleteFirst, I gotta say, this blog rocks. I have been lurking for the longest time and have finally summoned enough courage to post comments.
ReplyDeleteEverything said here makes total sense to me and I am so glad I am not the only one going through such turmoils when it comes to matters of the heart.
I have always been book smart (humble eh? :D) but a total moron when it comes to matters of the heart. When things get too serious too quickly with someone, and I'm not too sure of how I feel, I bolt. In my sick head, I actually justify this as 'better to hurt then be hurt' or 'get out while you still can'.
So it is pretty poetic that when I finally encountered this thing called L.O.V.E, I fell hard. No amount of logic is enough to explain why I feel the way I feel about this guy. At first, I didn't even know I was in love since I had never been in love before (or allowed myself to be in such a vulnerable state before). However, nothing else could possibly explain this intense feeling. Not a crush, infatuation or even lust. When it happens, I guess you just know.
Typically, I went through the whole process of trying to justify my feelings. Yes, I even thought of running away. But something he said made me think twice. He said he wasn't even looking and doesn't need anybody in his life and yet there I was and he thinks it would be a great mistake for us to ignore this feeling even though it doesn't make sense. What's the worst thing that could happen? What's the best?
I guess I'm finally learning the lesson of taking risks in matters of the heart. Wish me luck ladies! I'll quit rambling now, sorry.
firstly, no apologies needed for rambling, jaded. if that were so, i'd be saying sorry non-stop :P
ReplyDeletei cant agree with u more.. no matter what u read or see in other ppl, that first time you open up your heart to someone else is always scary.
i looove wat he said... i went "aawwww" automatically in my head. lol! so lovely how things happen when you least expect it... make it all sweeter doesnt it?
your story reminds me of one of my fav movie quotes from runaway bride, when richard gere proposed to julia roberts:
"I guarantee there’ll be tough times; I guarantee that at some point, one, or both of us is gonna wanna get out of this thing; But I also guarantee, that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life... because I know in my heart, that you’re the only one for me."
good luck, have faith and keep the love strong my dear. and please keep us in the loop!
ouh I like the sound of him already :)
ReplyDeletecongrats jaded, for summoning the courage to take a risk in love n even for simply posting a comment here (not that there ever was a risk in this bubblewrapped blog heh).
hmm sounds like love's positive effects have already rubbed off on you :)
all the best jaded! (altho I'm thinking at the moment that your nick shouldn't even be 'jaded')
Wondering heart: thanks! yup yup..you're right, sometimes, we all need to strengthen our hope and courage. And I soo need it. :)
ReplyDeleteJaded heart: Hi hi there! I read your comment with close enough attention and feel the way you do. Been there. Your entire 4th para is exactly what some people have experienced (e.g. me). No amount of logic is enough to attempt to explain why we feel the way we do towards someone. Which is why, i sort of like quit thinking for a brief moment to embalm the feeling for a while.
Trust me, I fell pretty hard too cos this person i happened to meet without searching made me realise what real love could be like...but (ohh well long story..)For you, seems like it's a postive start, we seem to like the sound of him too hehehee, all the best yeah. :))
Barren heart: That line of the ever-so-fav movie, totally rocks! Good one. I'd go totally weak and just melt like ice under hot sun with those lines...awwwwww... ;)- Vanilla
Wondering heart: The very fact that I am 'jaded' convinced me that this is not youthful optimism at work, but the real deal! Does that make sense? I can't help feeling jaded based on all that I have observed of relationships around me...
ReplyDeleteGlad that everyone seems to be giving him the green light though. I am still so wary that I have not told anyone about us other than you guys! Only time will tell....
I have another line that just popped into my head. I am so bad at quoting but it goes something like this...
"I won't say that I can't live without you because I can. I just don't want to."
Which movie is this from? Even I can't recall...
jaded: ohh... us hearties were the first to know? so honoured, we are :)
ReplyDeletehmm a check with google showed that the line was from the movie "Rumor Has It". haven't caught that movie tho...