my momma said...

this was one of the first lessons my mother taught me (one that i can recall anyway). i remember her saying this to me when i was very young, probably when i wasn't even in primary school yet.

jangan suka-suka sangat, nanti jadi duka.

which literally translates to "don't be too happy, or else you'll be sad later."

she always said it when i was laughing very hard about something. or sometimes to people who made babies laugh too much. she would tell them to stop it, or else something will surely make them cry in a while.

i thought it's a very odd warning, still do. but it has rubbed off me somehow.

whenever i feel happy for no reason (don't you get one of those days?) or am excited over something, i always catch myself and my mother's words will ring a warning bell in my head. it's like an emergency brake on my joy, not to overdo it, as if there is a limit to all the happiness and when it runs out, sadness will come pouring in.

not sure if it's a self fulfilling prophecy, but sometimes it does happen to me.

so on those rare occasions i get an emotional high, it's always mingled with a touch of fear and worry. coz when the good times are here, i always get the feeling that the bad ones are near too.

like now.

it's inexplicable, but i've been feeling kinda light-hearted and smiley these few days. probably it's cos most of my major events are now over, thankfully. it just feels so good to get a breather, and just spend some me time - reading books, catching up on the news, watching crappy tv.

i'm.... happy. my heart feels lighter, it seems so much easier to smile. and it kinda worries me.

lol. weird huh?

let me know if there's anyone else who shares this same theory or tell me how i can get over this strange fear of happiness.