the one that got away

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with…and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little nice ties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequential become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flash point of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come.

Hopefully you’re single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about. You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, “What if they were here today?” You’ll wonder, “What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?”

That’s what the one that got away is, the biggest “What if?” you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her ever so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a “might have been,” but it happens… Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different.

What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple…find him, find her. Because the very existence of a “one that got away” means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee, ask her out for a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be “the one that got away” as well for the person who is your “the one that got away.” You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference.

If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, “Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away.”


by Mark J. Macapagal


something i came across and thought it's nice to share coz i couldnt agree more or said it better. i think most of us have experienced this... pondering about the what ifs, and could haves. one can go mad thinking about it, but i guess what's important is acknowledging that everything happens for a reason. and how ever the situation turns out, it's always a consequence of your own actions, so no regrets :)

in search of the elusive one

a pointless but enlightening conversation on a dreary wednesday afternoon…

p.q: that time i went there i saw another malay guy

p.q: n this guy was wearing a suit so he's definitely in the business side

barren: wah corporate malay guy

barren: why is it so surprising to find corporate malay guys?

barren: lol

barren: i find it so rare and refreshing

p.q: yea

p.q: he LOOKED refreshing

p.q: haha

barren: lol

barren: tat time i had a meeting with a mediacorp sales guy

barren: malay also

barren: refreshing also

barren: lol

p.q: lol

p.q: i wonder how they're like in person

p.q: are they humorous? witty?

barren: i dunno, i hardly come across such species

barren: its almost like they're an urban legend

barren: *ponder

p.q: i know!

p.q: but i don't think i can be in a relationship with one?

p.q: actually im not sure

p.q: i think such men come with big ego

barren: or high standards

barren: which i don't think i can keep up with

barren: hiak2

at the risk of sounding racist (but how could we, we’re malays too!), this is really true for my friend, ms p.q. and i. we hardly come across corporatey malay guys, or at least the straight ones. I only noe of two, and yeah, their standards are damn high la.

Are they such an elusive specimen, that we’re not quite sure if they even exist? And single ones? Even harder to find!

And why are we so intimidated by the idea of a high-flying malay guy? More often than not, we’d assume that these men, especially the good-lookers, “won’t go for malay girls” and stereotype them as “sure wanna look for angmoh or chinese gf”.

Why ah?

Anyone care to refute our totally baseless assumptions? Or has evidence that the opposite is true?

which is the way to a woman’s heart?

A colleague had turned up at the office with something he whipped up himself for everyone. It just so happened that I was on medical leave that very day. Fortunately, I still managed to get a taste of his culinary skills via his personal home delivery service that evening. Haha, yea, very sweet colleagues I have.

Anyway, I was relating it to my girlfriends. One of them asked, “Is the guy married or not?”. She seemed rather happy to entertain the idea of having a boyfriend who cooks well and I offered to introduce him to her. It was hilarious how the conversation evolved from there.

The topic then arose - everyone knows the phrase, “The way to man’s heart is through his stomach”. But what about us women? Which is the way to a woman’s heart?

And it seemed that my dear foodie girlfriends were both unanimous in their answers “Stomach!” But I refuse to take their answers seriously cos (1) they were feeling peckish (2) they were feeding their imagination of chef boyfriends serving up dishes of love and (3) we were obviously not taking things seriously.

When I asked them that question, I wasn’t thinking of a guy’s ability to whip up a storm in the kitchen...

Fact is, women are such complex cerebral creatures. What we don’t feel, what we don’t understand, we can never bring ourselves to do. We can lie to that busybody auntie to get her nose out of where it doesn’t belong, we can lie to that irritating friend just so he would stop bugging us but we just can’t lie to our hearts and order them be opened to just any Tom, Dick or Harry (even if he does possess some mean culinary skills).

So what would or could a guy do to win my heart? Later, I started asking myself questions…

How can I fall in love with a man if I can’t see something good in him?
How can I be touched by his actions if I can’t feel his sincerity?
How can I feel secure if I can’t taste his efforts and the fruits they bear?
How can I miss someone whose presence I’ve never smelled?
How can I share a fulfilling relationship with someone whom I can’t hear his thoughts, ideas and dreams?

And then I found my answer.


Of course I’m not representing all women in this, but yes, my take on which would be the way to a woman’s heart?

It would be through her senses.

the one who made me go hmmm

An old friend asked me out for dinner on sat night. Although I had no plans and was kinda bored myself, it was quite late, the weather was drizzly and my butt was heavy from inactivity during the fasting month (was holed up at home during the weekends baking cookies). So I ended up whining to him about how I wish he could fetch me and trying to psycho him to come over to my neighbourhood instead (to no avail). I noe, I must sound like a superbly spoilt brat to you now :P

At this point, he exclaimed, “macam mana la kau nak kawin macam ni?” Which translates to how are you gonna get married like this? What he meant was, he’s already asking me out and there I was, making excuses not to meet him.

Hmmm. Was this supposed to be a date?

Anyway, I asked him what’s there to do if we meet. Coz there was nothing good to catch at the movies, and it’s rather pointless to go out to town just to eat and then go back right?

His reply? “We should go out and do something we haven’t done before. And we should just let things happen.”

Hmmm. Should let WHAT happen?

This is one guy I’ve known for about 3 years now, on a purely platonic basis. He’s sorta like my online punching bag… someone to complain and rant to when I’m not happy about something. It’s not like I’m bullying or using him, really! He’s just the perfect candidate coz HE’S got a lot of grouses of his own which he heaps on me. Without me realising it (no thanks to my goldfish-short term memory), I’ve unloaded to him about my family, work, exbfs, bad dates and the many awful days I went through over the years we’ve known each other.

For me, I just let off steam by typing whatever comes to my mind when I see him online. Also coz he’s always online no matter what time of day it is. Random thoughts, daily whingeing about everything and nothing in particular at times; things I never thought would see the light of day after that.

To my surprise, I realised recently that he remembers most of the stuff I’ve been telling him. Of coz, there are the notable bad dates that he never fails to bring up (some are so bad, who could forget??). But there are also other details that I don’t recall ever telling him.

In recent weeks, he’s been telling me stuff that I told him before which made me go, “did I tell u that??” and “how the hell do you remember all these stuff that I told u eons ago??”

As I type this, I am recalling another convo we had a few weeks ago. I cant remember what we were talking about but it came to a point when he said that we never got to start anything coz we were always involved/interested in someone else at one point or another.

Cue my third hmmm moment. Start WHAT?

Then, just a few nights ago on msn, he started asking me weird questions. Like, would you invite me if u got married. When I replied yes, he said, “ok, so we’re in the friends zone.”

Next question: “Would you date me if I wasn’t an asshole?”

HMMMMMM. I never considered that an option and I told him as much. Jokingly, I said it’s also coz he will always be an asshole, so that probability is zero. Heh. He seemed contented with that answer, saying that it’s good to know where he stands hypothetically. So that was that.

Maybe I’m reading too much into this. Anyway, whatever la. All I know is that I just treat him as a friend. No other thoughts other than… say it all together now… hmmmmm.

hairy, hairy, quite contrary

I boarded the MRT earlier than usual today, mentally prepared for the selfish, annoying passengers amongst the rush hour crowd.

As expected, there were no empty seats. I stood holding a pole and looked around when my gaze landed on a head of hair a few steps in front of me.

Against the glass window, the head of hair glistened. It was a lady’s head of hair. Her hair was long, oily and tied untidily, exposing unwashed scalp. I could see white specks of dandruff clearly from my view.

In my silent disgust, I wondered how anyone could neglect his or her personal hygiene. I was seriously appalled especially cos this was a lady!

I cruelly wondered if she could find herself a husband should she continue to walk around in that state. Would any man be attracted to her?

My eyes bore through silhouettes and I observed her t-shirt, her sleeve, her arm, her hand…

Hold it!

Her fingers were entwined in another person’s hand. My eyes shot up, trying to see the person standing next to her…

It was a man. Her boyfriend? Husband?

Well, her male partner's head of hair wasn’t any better. It was dishevelled, exposing his scalp here and there, obviously unstyled from the moment he stepped out of bed. He didn't even look like he had showered.

They sure were made for each other.

what’s your aura?

I was walking past a group of male colleagues from a different department who were bantering amongst themselves when one of them turned to me and asked, “You’re married?”

I was stunned for a while at the sudden spring of question. I can’t remember what immediate thoughts came to mind but a couple of them were probably “Don’t I still look like a student?” and “Do I exude a married aura?” Haha.. but while I was stoned out from the lack of sleep that led to my delayed reaction, one young male colleague pointed to my hand.

I looked down and saw the ring gracing my right hand’s ring finger. “Haha… yea, I’m married to my mum,” I thought and looked at the other ring on my left hand… “and myself too”.

“Not yet,” I laughed in reply, only to regret later. Because I wasn’t there in the earlier part of their conversation, I had no clue what topic they were on. I’m not gonna delve into details, but let’s just say, with some guys (*gag), you’d rather leave them to believe you’re already taken or married just so that you’ll be left alone.

Anyway… it just reminded me of my friend who complained to me about being a swinging single but was always being mistaken as attached. Even after her last break up with her boyfriend, others always presumed she had already hooked up with someone else, although her social life was only just packed with catching up with her girlfriends over coffee and cakes.

Or another friend who laments about always being dismissed as unavailable just because… well, reasons unknown. She wondered, is it her dressing? Her looks? Her attitude?

A guy friend said that with some attractive girls, he wouldn’t be surprised to find out that they’re attached. In fact, he admits sheepishly that he would instinctively presume that they’re already “reserved” and are “untouchable”.
More often than not, the presumption would lead to a dismissal of any show of interest.

And when he finally befriends a particular girl and discovers that she is unattached, he’ll think of it as a case that’s “Too good to be true”.

I don’t know if he represents the majority in men. I have always had the impression that men would try their luck anyway and would only back off only if they had confirmed that the girl is unavailable or blatantly uninterested in them.

We stereotype, we presume, we judge – it’s human nature. How often have we girls been guilty of saying the infamous line “All good men are either attached or married”?

Isn’t it a curious thing how people presume what they presumed about you?

It depends on your aura, I tell you… like what sort of vibe you emanate or airs you possess.

There are obviously pros and cons to having a contradictory aura. While a single girl can use her mistaken ‘identity’ or ‘aura’ to her advantage to easily avoid unnecessary advances from undesired men, unfortunately, that would also mean that she would also be crossed out from the lists of eligible single men.

Can one's aura be changed then?

Anyway for me, it appears that I have a range of auras from single to lesbian to married.

So what’s your aura?

out

Plastered heart's out of sight...
Barren heart's out of town...
The only thing I'm out of is the office.

I've been on m.c. And boy do I want the stupid virus out of my system...
I'm feeling blue, restless, emotional and just bored out of my mind.

Flu + PMS sure is a potent mix.

And why can't guys have sore balls every month?

wonder : love is ...

wonder trigger:

m.c: my partner doesn't smell at all leh... even after exercising her sweat smells sweet. was telling her that even after she runs a few clicks, i can still kiss her armpits.
me: hahah! hmm... love is...

===========================================================

hmm...
if you can't see, you're blind
if you can't hear, you're deaf
if you can't speak, you're mute

But what if you can't smell?
Hmm... thanks to google, I found the answer.

"Anosmic".

How weird. you wouldn't think "anosmic" was related to its one-syllable cousins "blind", "deaf" and "mute", would you? It certainly doesn't sound like it belongs. But oh well... anosmic it is.

So the next time you hear someone using the common phrase "Love is blind", you can try to impress them by adding, "Love is anosmic" too. Haha...

Although of course, don't count on the phrase to be as popular cos it's not as widely applicable as the former in the context of love.

I mean, can you imagine loving someone with body odour? How the hell can one ever smell pass that?