the one whom I slept with

I don't believe I have ever confided this secret in anyone. But I figured since I'm protected by anonymity...

Though it happened years ago, I still remember the scene...

My eyes lifted slowly...
a distinct humming sound in the background...
my body lurched forward slightly in gentle inertia.

I tilted my head slightly to my right.

There he was sleeping next to me. Our heads against each other with mine resting on his shoulders.

Then stealthily and gradually, I inched my head away from him, secretly hoping I wouldn't wake him up cos I wouldn't know what to say. When we were finally apart, I sat upright and straightened my back, trying to look as nonchalant as best I could.

I remember darting my eyes around the environment I was in.

I remember sighing in relief and thinking, "Thank god I didn't miss my bus stop".

the embarassed one

This happened way back in 2003. this guy worked at the same place I was formerly in, only in a different section. It all started when he suddenly dropped me an email through the work’s email system one day. He had also left me his handphone number. At the end of the day, i smsed him those cliché smses i.e. have a good weekend ahead and he went on to reply, informing me that he was going to JB with parents over the weekend…

and so it started. as we working at the same place, he would email me in the mornings saying that he left me some stuff in the pantry i.e. food. He  said  it  was  too risky if he was seen passing me stuff personally i.e. people would talk. I was ok with that. As days passed by, he started to ask me out during  weekends for lunch. Although he was very much older than me i.e. 9 years difference, we could get along rather well. I must say he was  fun  to  be  with as he was quite chatty. but one day, not too long after, I found out something about his character…

It  was  one  of  those  weekend  lunch outings and we were at a certain shopping mall. We were walking when suddenly….

  He: “Alamak!”
  Me: “Why?” *baffled*
  He: “Look, its “M”!! And she’s approaching us. How?”
  Me: “How, what??”

And “M” then approached us and salam-ed me and said ‘Hi’ to him. Fyi, we   were  all  working  in the same department. “M” chatted with us for less than a minute and then she left.

After "M" left, this guy looked so pale. I had asked him why?

  He:  Please,  if she asks tell her that there’s nothing going on between us.
  Me: Of course lah, we were just going out what…nothing going on anyway.
  He: Yes, please say so.
  Me: Hmm…why? Oh...you were going out with her, eh? (I teased)
  He: Errr…no lah. No…

And  from that incident, I started to distance myself from him. Actually I  felt  rather  pissed.  It’s  like...why must he react that way? My thoughts were, “Why? Is it an embarrassment to be seen with me? Hmmph!!” or, “maybe he is seeing other girls as well??”

It  was  really  helpful  that  by  the  end of 2003, he went to another  division  for  a transfer, so we didn’t see much of each other, save for during some of the department’s functions etc.

In  2005,  he  tried  to come back to my life, after we bumped into each other at a colleague’s wedding. He asked me out again, but I lied. Yes, I lied...and said that I was already seeing someone else.

My heart had since been plastered shut for him…