A colleague had turned up at the office with something he whipped up himself for everyone. It just so happened that I was on medical leave that very day. Fortunately, I still managed to get a taste of his culinary skills via his personal home delivery service that evening. Haha, yea, very sweet colleagues I have.
Anyway, I was relating it to my girlfriends. One of them asked, “Is the guy married or not?”. She seemed rather happy to entertain the idea of having a boyfriend who cooks well and I offered to introduce him to her. It was hilarious how the conversation evolved from there.
The topic then arose - everyone knows the phrase, “The way to man’s heart is through his stomach”. But what about us women? Which is the way to a woman’s heart?
And it seemed that my dear foodie girlfriends were both unanimous in their answers “Stomach!” But I refuse to take their answers seriously cos (1) they were feeling peckish (2) they were feeding their imagination of chef boyfriends serving up dishes of love and (3) we were obviously not taking things seriously.
When I asked them that question, I wasn’t thinking of a guy’s ability to whip up a storm in the kitchen...
Fact is, women are such complex cerebral creatures. What we don’t feel, what we don’t understand, we can never bring ourselves to do. We can lie to that busybody auntie to get her nose out of where it doesn’t belong, we can lie to that irritating friend just so he would stop bugging us but we just can’t lie to our hearts and order them be opened to just any Tom, Dick or Harry (even if he does possess some mean culinary skills).
So what would or could a guy do to win my heart? Later, I started asking myself questions…
How can I fall in love with a man if I can’t see something good in him?
How can I be touched by his actions if I can’t feel his sincerity?
How can I feel secure if I can’t taste his efforts and the fruits they bear?
How can I miss someone whose presence I’ve never smelled?
How can I share a fulfilling relationship with someone whom I can’t hear his thoughts, ideas and dreams?
And then I found my answer.
Of course I’m not representing all women in this, but yes, my take on which would be the way to a woman’s heart?
It would be through her senses.
Showing posts with label theory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label theory. Show all posts
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
what’s your aura?
I was walking past a group of male colleagues from a different department who were bantering amongst themselves when one of them turned to me and asked, “You’re married?”
I was stunned for a while at the sudden spring of question. I can’t remember what immediate thoughts came to mind but a couple of them were probably “Don’t I still look like a student?” and “Do I exude a married aura?” Haha.. but while I was stoned out from the lack of sleep that led to my delayed reaction, one young male colleague pointed to my hand.
I looked down and saw the ring gracing my right hand’s ring finger. “Haha… yea, I’m married to my mum,” I thought and looked at the other ring on my left hand… “and myself too”.
“Not yet,” I laughed in reply, only to regret later. Because I wasn’t there in the earlier part of their conversation, I had no clue what topic they were on. I’m not gonna delve into details, but let’s just say, with some guys (*gag), you’d rather leave them to believe you’re already taken or married just so that you’ll be left alone.
Anyway… it just reminded me of my friend who complained to me about being a swinging single but was always being mistaken as attached. Even after her last break up with her boyfriend, others always presumed she had already hooked up with someone else, although her social life was only just packed with catching up with her girlfriends over coffee and cakes.
Or another friend who laments about always being dismissed as unavailable just because… well, reasons unknown. She wondered, is it her dressing? Her looks? Her attitude?
A guy friend said that with some attractive girls, he wouldn’t be surprised to find out that they’re attached. In fact, he admits sheepishly that he would instinctively presume that they’re already “reserved” and are “untouchable”.
More often than not, the presumption would lead to a dismissal of any show of interest.
And when he finally befriends a particular girl and discovers that she is unattached, he’ll think of it as a case that’s “Too good to be true”.
I don’t know if he represents the majority in men. I have always had the impression that men would try their luck anyway and would only back off only if they had confirmed that the girl is unavailable or blatantly uninterested in them.
We stereotype, we presume, we judge – it’s human nature. How often have we girls been guilty of saying the infamous line “All good men are either attached or married”?
Isn’t it a curious thing how people presume what they presumed about you?
It depends on your aura, I tell you… like what sort of vibe you emanate or airs you possess.
There are obviously pros and cons to having a contradictory aura. While a single girl can use her mistaken ‘identity’ or ‘aura’ to her advantage to easily avoid unnecessary advances from undesired men, unfortunately, that would also mean that she would also be crossed out from the lists of eligible single men.
Can one's aura be changed then?
Anyway for me, it appears that I have a range of auras from single to lesbian to married.
So what’s your aura?
I was stunned for a while at the sudden spring of question. I can’t remember what immediate thoughts came to mind but a couple of them were probably “Don’t I still look like a student?” and “Do I exude a married aura?” Haha.. but while I was stoned out from the lack of sleep that led to my delayed reaction, one young male colleague pointed to my hand.
I looked down and saw the ring gracing my right hand’s ring finger. “Haha… yea, I’m married to my mum,” I thought and looked at the other ring on my left hand… “and myself too”.
“Not yet,” I laughed in reply, only to regret later. Because I wasn’t there in the earlier part of their conversation, I had no clue what topic they were on. I’m not gonna delve into details, but let’s just say, with some guys (*gag), you’d rather leave them to believe you’re already taken or married just so that you’ll be left alone.
Anyway… it just reminded me of my friend who complained to me about being a swinging single but was always being mistaken as attached. Even after her last break up with her boyfriend, others always presumed she had already hooked up with someone else, although her social life was only just packed with catching up with her girlfriends over coffee and cakes.
Or another friend who laments about always being dismissed as unavailable just because… well, reasons unknown. She wondered, is it her dressing? Her looks? Her attitude?
A guy friend said that with some attractive girls, he wouldn’t be surprised to find out that they’re attached. In fact, he admits sheepishly that he would instinctively presume that they’re already “reserved” and are “untouchable”.
More often than not, the presumption would lead to a dismissal of any show of interest.
And when he finally befriends a particular girl and discovers that she is unattached, he’ll think of it as a case that’s “Too good to be true”.
I don’t know if he represents the majority in men. I have always had the impression that men would try their luck anyway and would only back off only if they had confirmed that the girl is unavailable or blatantly uninterested in them.
We stereotype, we presume, we judge – it’s human nature. How often have we girls been guilty of saying the infamous line “All good men are either attached or married”?
Isn’t it a curious thing how people presume what they presumed about you?
It depends on your aura, I tell you… like what sort of vibe you emanate or airs you possess.
There are obviously pros and cons to having a contradictory aura. While a single girl can use her mistaken ‘identity’ or ‘aura’ to her advantage to easily avoid unnecessary advances from undesired men, unfortunately, that would also mean that she would also be crossed out from the lists of eligible single men.
Can one's aura be changed then?
Anyway for me, it appears that I have a range of auras from single to lesbian to married.
So what’s your aura?
Monday, May 18, 2009
nothing compares
A friend asked me the other day, “How can I compete with my boyfriend’s exes?”
I really would’ve replied, “Do you really have to because, they wouldn’t have ended up being exes now, would they?”
But I didn’t cos I suppose it’s a valid question. Her new beau had quite a few partners before. And it’s natural to want to know how we measure up in the eyes of someone who’s been dating a lot or has been in multiple relationships. I mean it would really suck to believe all this while that you’re good at something or bringing something positive to the relationship only to learn that his ex was way better than you at it. What better way to feel confident, huh?
I don’t remember how I answered her. But I remember this – once I asked a friend how many girlfriends he had. His answer… “It doesn’t matter because only one girl mattered.”
Oh, I wonder if that girl knew she had such a strong hold on him still... Which leads me to the question – what makes us drawn to a particular person?
There’s no definite answer of course, everyone is different in personality and character and definitely has different tastes. But seriously, have you ever wondered - of all the persons you’ve ever had a crush on, or dated or loved, who mattered to you most? Why?
Cos really, I think that’s the only comparison that ever matters.
With that, let me leave you with this lovely song:
I really would’ve replied, “Do you really have to because, they wouldn’t have ended up being exes now, would they?”
But I didn’t cos I suppose it’s a valid question. Her new beau had quite a few partners before. And it’s natural to want to know how we measure up in the eyes of someone who’s been dating a lot or has been in multiple relationships. I mean it would really suck to believe all this while that you’re good at something or bringing something positive to the relationship only to learn that his ex was way better than you at it. What better way to feel confident, huh?
I don’t remember how I answered her. But I remember this – once I asked a friend how many girlfriends he had. His answer… “It doesn’t matter because only one girl mattered.”
Oh, I wonder if that girl knew she had such a strong hold on him still... Which leads me to the question – what makes us drawn to a particular person?
There’s no definite answer of course, everyone is different in personality and character and definitely has different tastes. But seriously, have you ever wondered - of all the persons you’ve ever had a crush on, or dated or loved, who mattered to you most? Why?
Why is that one person so special to you…I gave it some thought and decided that if that same friend asked me the same question again (which is highly probable, as she has a habit of repeating herself), I would tell her (or anyone who wondered the same thing as she did) this:
That you would kick yourself for all the things you did or did not do…
That you wished you didn't let go...
That you can never ever forget…
That you never found anyone else who came close...
It’s human nature to compare. But instead of comparing yourself to someone’s exes, try measuring yourself up against him/her. Think of all the wonderful things he/she has done/ given to you; can you honestly say that you’d have brought equal, if not more positivity into his/her life?
How would YOU fare against him/her?
Cos really, I think that’s the only comparison that ever matters.
With that, let me leave you with this lovely song:
Thursday, December 25, 2008
r.q.
I seriously think there should exist a term just to define one's ability to obtain and maintain a relationship.
Relationship Quotient (R.Q.)
30% Intelligence Quotient
- the ability to play the game (should I call? oh wait, the ball is in his court now!), read minds (there really is something behind "nothing to say", I'm certain) and master reverse psychology (unfortunately though, it does nothing to your resume).
30% Emotional Quotient
- the ability to show the right amount of affection (too little would brand you unloving and too much would label you clingy), feel what the other person is feeling (if it's beyond you, try harder!) and control your emotions (be it anger or sarcasm, hold them all in - just do it, don't ask me how)
40% Adversity Quotient
- the ability to overturn an issue and convert tiffs into opportunities (no comment).
It sucks to know that I rank really low.
Sigh...
..........................................................................................................
Note: after publishing this entry (one which had been purely unresearched), I googled and found a few web results for RQ. So the term is already in existence, though not calculated in the way above. Heh...
Relationship Quotient (R.Q.)
30% Intelligence Quotient
- the ability to play the game (should I call? oh wait, the ball is in his court now!), read minds (there really is something behind "nothing to say", I'm certain) and master reverse psychology (unfortunately though, it does nothing to your resume).
30% Emotional Quotient
- the ability to show the right amount of affection (too little would brand you unloving and too much would label you clingy), feel what the other person is feeling (if it's beyond you, try harder!) and control your emotions (be it anger or sarcasm, hold them all in - just do it, don't ask me how)
40% Adversity Quotient
- the ability to overturn an issue and convert tiffs into opportunities (no comment).
It sucks to know that I rank really low.
Sigh...
..........................................................................................................
Note: after publishing this entry (one which had been purely unresearched), I googled and found a few web results for RQ. So the term is already in existence, though not calculated in the way above. Heh...
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