~ handle with care ~

serenading unicorn

2010-09-21T18:18:00.003+08:00

quote of the day

2010-09-05T20:30:00.002+08:00

When you're faced with a dilemma...
Just toss a coin...
not because it will help you decide...
but because you will then learn what your heart is hoping for
while the coin is in the air.

the break up

2010-08-28T23:17:00.002+08:00

Its been over 3 yrs. The journey has been most fulfilling, full of highs and lows, lots of laughter and tears,and just as many glorious winning moments as there are weary battles lost. But the relationship is slowly becoming... stifling. Too clingy, too dependent. Not enough room to breathe. Suddenly, things that I'd do out of passion became an obligation. And that sense of dread in the pit of my stomach to face another day, to face you. Never a good sign. The thought of leaving crossed my mind, but I never had the courage to actually do it. A fear of the unknown? And if I could find someone who could treat me as well as you do?

Then something unexpected comes along. A long lost contact, a familiar voice calls me up with an offer to pick up where we left before. One meeting was all it took to make me reconsider my options. Against well-intended advice from friends and family, I felt it's time to move on.

Breaking the news was awkward, because I never showed signs of unhappiness. Always with a ready smile, never complaining. It came as a shocker, I'm sure. At first acceptance, and then came the slow talk.

"What can I do to make you stay?" he asked. I knew he genuinely wanted me there.

To my utter disbelief, he made me an offer I find hard to resist. It's what I always wanted, dangling in front of me. But it means staying for all the wrong reasons. The reasons to leave will still be there, the nagging, little problems that sowed seeds of my discontent will persist. And yet, he promises me a better future, that things will get better, to just give him a little more time.

This is of course, a safer path to take. A route I've traversed for years and for all its problems, one that I'm comfortable with.

On the other hand, there is someone waiting for my answer. Or rather, already assuming I will say yes. Sure, it's not exciting as what I'm used to now, but I can expect stability, and a fresh start, which I really need badly now.

So what now? I hate dilemmas.

How I wish my love life is as exciting as my work life, and instead of managers, men fight for me. Pfft!

fear & trembling

2010-08-09T00:30:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time, a young lad was madly in love with a princess. But
his love for his damsel cannot be fulfilled. The man has three
choices; either be a slave, a knight of infinite resignation or a
knight of faith.

The slave will bemoan the loss of his love, screaming of the
foolishness of love. He will be dejected and abandon this love.

The knight of infinite resignation will not give up his love for the
princess, but he accepts that they will never be together in this
life. Instead, he keeps the memory of his love for the princess and
this becomes his sustenance for life. He is kept going by the
beautiful memories of the princess and his unfulfilled love. The
knight of infinity may or may not believe that they may be together in
another life or in spirit, but what's important is that the knight of
infinity gives up on their being together in this world; in this life.

The knight of faith goes a step further than this. He believes that he
will get her, by virtue of the absurd. The knight of faith is willing
to believe that they will be together through divine possibility. The
knight is the individual who is able to gracefully embrace life
through his acceptance and leap of faith in the impossible.

Most people live dejectedly in worldly sorrow and joy; they are the
ones who sit along the wall and do not join in the dance (slaves). The
knights of infinity are dancers and possess elevation. They make the
movements upward, and fall down again; and this too is no mean
pastime, nor ungraceful to behold. But whenever they fall down they
are not able at once to assume the posture, they waver for an instant,
and this instability shows that after all they are human like the rest
of us.

One need not look at them when they are up in the air, but only the
instant they touch or have touched the ground–then one recognizes
them. But to be able to fall down in such a way that the same second
it looks as if one were standing and walking, to transform the leap of
life into a walk, absolutely to express the sublime in the
pedestrian–that only the knight of faith can do.

So which would you be?

~ adapted from fear & trembling, by soren kierkegaard

my momma said...

2010-07-07T22:03:00.002+08:00

this was one of the first lessons my mother taught me (one that i can recall anyway). i remember her saying this to me when i was very young, probably when i wasn't even in primary school yet.

jangan suka-suka sangat, nanti jadi duka.

which literally translates to "don't be too happy, or else you'll be sad later."

she always said it when i was laughing very hard about something. or sometimes to people who made babies laugh too much. she would tell them to stop it, or else something will surely make them cry in a while.

i thought it's a very odd warning, still do. but it has rubbed off me somehow.

whenever i feel happy for no reason (don't you get one of those days?) or am excited over something, i always catch myself and my mother's words will ring a warning bell in my head. it's like an emergency brake on my joy, not to overdo it, as if there is a limit to all the happiness and when it runs out, sadness will come pouring in.

not sure if it's a self fulfilling prophecy, but sometimes it does happen to me.

so on those rare occasions i get an emotional high, it's always mingled with a touch of fear and worry. coz when the good times are here, i always get the feeling that the bad ones are near too.

like now.

it's inexplicable, but i've been feeling kinda light-hearted and smiley these few days. probably it's cos most of my major events are now over, thankfully. it just feels so good to get a breather, and just spend some me time - reading books, catching up on the news, watching crappy tv.

i'm.... happy. my heart feels lighter, it seems so much easier to smile. and it kinda worries me.

lol. weird huh?

let me know if there's anyone else who shares this same theory or tell me how i can get over this strange fear of happiness.

quote of the day

2010-06-01T13:13:00.002+08:00

via lacylipstick

the one that got away

2010-05-20T00:09:00.002+08:00

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with…and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little nice ties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequential become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flash point of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come.

Hopefully you’re single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about. You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, “What if they were here today?” You’ll wonder, “What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?”

That’s what the one that got away is, the biggest “What if?” you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her ever so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a “might have been,” but it happens… Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different.

What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple…find him, find her. Because the very existence of a “one that got away” means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee, ask her out for a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be “the one that got away” as well for the person who is your “the one that got away.” You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference.

If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, “Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away.”

by Mark J. Macapagal

something i came across and thought it's nice to share coz i couldnt agree more or said it better. i think most of us have experienced this... pondering about the what ifs, and could haves. one can go mad thinking about it, but i guess what's important is acknowledging that everything happens for a reason. and how ever the situation turns out, it's always a consequence of your own actions, so no regrets :)

teenage love affair

2010-05-08T16:30:00.007+08:00

contributed by one of our readers, anonymous heart

I was fourteen. Young, naïve, and juvenile. All I wanted was an older boyfriend. Of course I needed to have an older boyfriend. All my friends had boyfriends who were older than them – and at that time, I thought it was “cool”.

My self-esteem was at an all-time low. Compared to my friends, I had no admirers chasing after me, asking for my number or just wanting to get to know me. I was the “ugliest” lot amongst my four best friends. My hair was thick and there’s nothing attractive about my facial features. I had bee-stung lips (and I still do now) and people say I was way too skinny for their liking. Walking skeleton, some might say.

Quoting from a popular girl in my class, “Guys like girls with some junk in the trunk.” (read: big boobs, ogle-worthy derriere, curvaceous silhouette) Obviously I didn’t fit into that category. I was flat-chested and I still wore a training bra. Oh well. No one will ever like me, I thought to myself.

Then entered Syam, a handsome and tall 20 year old whom I met through a mutual friend. I was attracted to him the moment this mutual friend introduced us to each other. What’s not to like about him? He’s

good-looking even though he’s donning nerdy spectacles
taller than me (though I’m not so tall myself. But guys like girls shorter and smaller than them, right?)
6 years older than me (hello? I need to have somebody older than me, not the same age as me)

I was beyond ecstatic when Syam text-messaged me, saying that he would like to get to know me better. I already envisioned of us holding hands by the beach as a couple. I know. Far-fetched.

One thing led to another. And the next thing I knew, Syam expressed his feelings for me and would like to “propose” me to be his dearly girlfriend. I was on cloud nine.

Yay! I have got a boyfriend now! I smiled to myself. It felt good showing him off to my friends. Every time he fetched me, waiting for me at the void deck near my school, I felt really special. Now all my school mates who dubbed me as “not pretty” will know that I do have a boyfriend after all. Older boyfriend. It made me feel like I am a mature individual already.

One Sunday afternoon, we were eating Mee Soto at Ayer Rajah Food Centre with his friend Fazlee and Fazlee’s girlfriend, Seri. (Ever since I officially became Syam’s girlfriend, we frequently hung out with Fazlee and Seri. So-called double date). While eating, Syam rummaged through his sling bag and took out the set of photos that he just retrieved from a photo developing shop this morning. It was his Hari Raya pictures. His family and him. There he was. Standing beside his mother, who was seated beside his father. His sisters were standing behind their parents and there was a cute baby in his mother’s arms.

“Awww…look at your baby brother. How adorable! He looks just like you,” I purred.

“How old is he? There must be a huge difference in your age gap lah!” I added. Syam just kept silent for a few moments while I browsed through his set of pictures.

“Actually… That little boy is my son,” Syam finally voiced out.

What??!! I stared at him, flabbergasted. Turns out that it was his lovechild with his previous girlfriend. Apparently his ex-girlfriend didn’t want to take care of their child after giving birth. Syam had no choice but to take care of the baby (or rather, Syam’s mother).

It was a shocking truth for a fourteen-year-old like me to handle. This was my first real boyfriend for goodness sake. After his so-called confession, things were definitely different between us.

He even asked me, “Will you still accept me? With my son? Are you willing to be his step-mother?”

I was like, woah. Hang in there boy. I’m just fourteen, still young and carefree, our relationship are still considered new. I didn’t even know if I even want to marry you in the future. I mean, I like you very much and all (like, not love yet), but let’s take things one step at a time. So I just plastered a fake smile on my face.

Few weeks went by. We began to see each other less frequently – to a point where he didn’t call or message me at all. I called and left him dozens of messages, but to no avail.

What happened to him? My little heart wondered.That was when I received a text-message from him. Speaking of the devil, I thought.

Syam: For these past few days when I didn’t sms you, I’ve been going through a lot of thinking. My mom is fed up with me because she’s the one who has to take care of my son, not me. Two days ago my parents went to my ex’s place to meet with her parents. They want us to get married.

Right. This was a hint for me to go. I’m not going to be the third wheel in someone’s marriage (or someone who’s about to get married). Right on that moment I told him that I like him and everything, but we have to end our relationship there and then. I was furious with him for being such a coward. Why did he have to avoid me before telling me the reason for his silence? And break-up over the phone? He’s not a man enough to see me face-to-face. Jerk.

Of course when I think back, How silly of me. Maybe he was just finding a reason to dump me, so he cooked up a very big lie just to get rid of me. But now, it doesn’t matter. It’s from these experience that we learnt, and it made us a stronger person than we were before. I’m glad this happened, by the way. If I’m still stuck with that joker, I think I won’t be happy and I would be deceived by all his stupid lies.

Now, when I saw young schoolgirls displaying public displays of affection with their older boyfriends (I can tell because the girl is wearing her secondary school uniform and the boy is wearing his ITE uniform), I smiled to myself. I was in their position before. So naïve and yet so desperate to have a boyfriend, being intimate in public, ignoring the disapproving glances from passers-by… I cringed at the thought of that.

Well readers. That was my story. About a young teenage love experienced by yours truly.

Hope the intricate details will make you feel as if you’re in my shoes while reading it. And oh. All the names have been changed to protect every stakeholder’s confidentiality.

5 Ways Facebook Changed Dating (For the Worse)

2010-04-16T16:43:00.004+08:00

Thought I'd quickly bubble an article I just read...

Facebook can mess up your life in a whole bunch of ways. It can get you fired or evicted, plunge you into debt with its addictive games, and even (yeah, right) infect you with syphilis. We wouldn’t look at all of those as serious threats, but we all know from experience that one threat is real: Facebook makes dating far more complicated than it used to be.

You can use Facebook’s privacy settings to mitigate the pains, and you can even make an impossible-to-maintain rule that you won’t accept friend requests from people you’re dating, but it’s almost guaranteed that Facebook will somehow catch up to your budding relationship and challenge it with some confusion eventually.

The site can be a boon for dating in some ways too, of course, but for now we’re talking about how it makes things complicated. Here are five ways that Facebook’s erosion of personal boundaries and privacy has made finding security in love and sex more difficult.

1. Overanalyzing Will Drive You Crazy

He posted on your wall four times today — does that mean he’s too into you? She keeps posting status updates about the cute guys in her office — should you be worried that you’ll be outdone? You’ve hardly seen any updates on his profile since you had a fight — is he hiding the updates from you, is he so depressed that he’s not engaging, or is it just a coincidence? Why does she keep untagging herself from photos with you in them?

If you’re already feeling insecure or suspicious, your partner’s Facebook feed will contribute about ten gallons of gasoline to it.

It’s obviously best not to indulge any obsessive or stalking behaviors, but love (and lust) drive people to do silly things. Sometimes you just can’t help but wonder what this or that update means for your relationship. Chances are it means nothing, but that won’t stop those nagging insecurities.

2. You See All the Action Your Ex Is Getting

That guy just posted on her wall thanking her for the wonderful time they had last night, but she just broke up with you last week. Man, that smarts.

Most of the items on this list have something to do with privacy. In this case, it’s not your privacy, it’s hers. It’s tough to get over someone you’ve just lost, but it’s even harder when you know she’s having a smashing time without you. Facebook makes sure of that.

Maybe it’s important for Facebook users to carefully watch their feeds to make sure that nothing comes up that will cause any hurt to any exes, or maybe their exes are responsible for clicking “hide” in the news feed until they’re over it. If at least one of those things doesn’t happen, it can get painful for one person, minimum.

3. Relationships and Breakups Are Public

Dramatized in the above scene from the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory, it’s the most classic Facebook dating dilemma: Who pulls the trigger to make a relationship official on Facebook first? It would be embarrassing to declare yourself to be in a relationship if your (you thought) significant other doesn’t reciprocate.

Changing Facebook relationship status has, for better or worse, joined first date, first kiss, first night together, exclusivity talk, and first “I love you” on the list of important relationship milestones. It’s one of the most awkward milestones because it’s public by necessity.

That first status change isn’t the only challenge. When a relationship ends, how soon is it okay to switch back to single? Doing so right away seems callous, but holding on for too long makes you look fixated. And God forbid that somebody break the news to her partner that she’s dumping him or her by publicly switching her status over to “Single.” But we’ve all heard stories of that happening.

We’ve also heard stories of people seeing their dates switch to “In a Relationship” with someone else. That can’t feel good.

4. It’s a Record of Every Relationship Mistake You’ve Made

If he can’t help but snoop, he can look back and see all those consolation posts from friends about your last breakup. Maybe he’ll see your previous partner’s angry wall posts after you let him know that you wouldn’t be seeing him again. Maybe this new friend of yours will see your immature responses. Worst of all, he might see just how much of a loser your last man was and decide you’re playing in different leagues.

Facebook serves up a record of everything you’ve done since you created your profile. It’s best to carefully curate all that information to make sure none of it comes back to haunt you later, but that takes a lot of work, and some things are bound to slip through the cracks.

To make things even more frustrating, you can’t modify the privacy settings for things you’ve already posted. You might have hidden that incriminating status update from your last boyfriend, but since your new one just friended you today, you’ll have to remember to go back and delete it if you’re afraid he’ll be browsing.

5. Other People’s Comments Will Make Your Date Jealous

This has caused many a breakup. Some people tend towards jealousy, and as with item #1 on this list, the flame of insecurity will get doused in gasoline.

Let’s say some girl has a bunch of innocuous guy friends who are innocently posting flirtatious messages on her wall. Most folks are okay with flirting, but some can’t handle it, and something about seeing it written out on Facebook makes it worse. That girl’s boyfriend will either become passive aggressive or burst out in jealous rage, setting the stage for the end of an otherwise positive relationship.

This one illustrates the same point as all the others: Facebook brings us too close to people too quickly. Dating is as much about maintaining healthy and safe boundaries as it is about intimacy — at least at first — and social networking makes that harder than ever. It’s not dissimilar to dating someone who works in your office; you can’t control the exposure you’ll have, and that can be a recipe for disaster.

by Samuel Axon (Source: http://mashable.com/2010/04/10/facebook-dating/)

stick boy and match girl

2010-04-15T17:26:00.002+08:00

quote of the day

2010-03-31T23:59:00.002+08:00

Love does not consist in gazing at each other,
but in looking outward in the same direction.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

love is the beauty of the soul

2010-03-28T23:12:00.002+08:00

Love is a temporary madness.
It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together
that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness,
it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.
That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches
we found that we were one tree and not two.

Captain Corelli's Mandolin6

still alive, just dormant

2010-03-26T02:05:00.001+08:00

I can’t sleep… despite knowing that tomorrow’s gonna be a looong day. So yea, here I am trying to bubble. Geee… bh was right. We’ve really been bad, bad hearties.

But but… to be fair, even my personal blog was sorely neglected. Then again maybe I’m not such a bad heartie considering my last written entry was 3 posts ago :P (shame on you, bh!)

Ok ok shan’t stress her out.

Bubbling should NEVER be an obligation.
It’s a popping stress-reliever!

Okaay… a sudden wave of sleepiness just hit me. I’d better seize the moment and hit the sack before I lose it.

I apologise for this skimpy entry, but believe me, I had such big plans when I switched on the computer.

Sigh bh… Are we the only ones up to our eyebrows?

priceless.

2010-03-20T14:21:00.001+08:00

time

2010-03-11T16:40:00.001+08:00

“Time is too slow for those who wait,
too swift for those who fear,
too long for those who grieve,
too short for those who rejoice,
but for those who love,
time is eternity."

Henry Van Dyke

love is in the air

2010-03-01T19:16:00.005+08:00

I was so happy last weekend when I bumped into the couple I successfully matchmade! And get this, I have never met them ever since I gave them each other's numbers - that was some FIVE years ago!!!

And they're getting married!

It's so surreal.

The thing was, when they first got in touch via sms, things got off on the wrong foot. I remember my last conversation with the girl... how I was apologetic that things didn't take off, although I knew I wasn't to be blamed... But some months later, I got wind that they somehow hooked up!

So yea that night we hung out and the couple finally submitted their progress report after all these years. Haha...

When the girl was out of earshot, the guy profusely thanked me for introducing her to him. And he said something which was really sweet:

"Which couple would not quarrel...? but I have to say, having learnt my lessons from past relationships, we have managed to go through the distance. I must say, her presence in my life... it was timely..."

Aww... *dabs tears

I know this sounds silly but it feels as though they're my babies. I feel so blessed to be able to witness their union.

I really really wish them a lifetime of bliss. *throws confetti

in the doghouse

2010-02-18T13:15:00.006+08:00

I must forget

2010-02-15T11:16:00.004+08:00

slightly past a year
but it seemed as clear
as yesterday...
yesterday...

Everything simply flooded back to me...
The scenes, the emotions, the words...
Couldn't hold back negative thoughts.
I knew I shouldn't be thinking them but I couldn't help myself.
The more I tried to control them, the wilder they became.
It was awful.

I felt awful.

husband after the wedding

2010-02-12T12:48:00.002+08:00

make the right choice.

an american finds love in paris

2010-02-10T10:48:00.003+08:00

I love this ad.

will you?

2010-02-08T21:31:00.004+08:00

A proposal app.
How about that?
the creator must be a guy who thinks he's rescuing
all the stumped and lazy guys out there...

Unless the guy had painfully scripted and written this app from scratch
just for a girl and surprised her with it (which would be romantic),
we girls want the REAL thing.

Don't you girls agree?

* will you is an entertainment iphone app developed by sanji celeski

of work & weddings

2010-01-26T21:36:00.006+08:00

i think this blog has gathered so much dust that it should be chucked. apologies to our readers (if there are any left). we've been bad, bad hearties.

not making any excuses for myself but work's been really crazy these few months. it's only january but i've got my project schedule lined up all the way to june. and already i'm feeling so burnt out that i'm thinking of planning my much deserved vacation in july! yes, already!

i love what i do, but it doesn't help that i'm the only one left in the dept, after my manager left in november. yeap, been holding the fort all by myself.

more bad news is that all my weekends in may are going to be packed with pr events. bad coz one of my dearest gal pals is getting married in may and i'm the bridesmaid! somehow, i need to squeeze my time to plan a bridal shower for her then. and i'm praying that i dont have to work on the weekend of her wedding!!!

speaking of weddings, 2010 is really THE year i think. 2 colleagues already got hitched this year, with one more in june. another 2 in the pipeline, both of which, i'll be the bridesmaid. hee. not sure what i'm supposed to do really. i hope my duties are just just to stand beside them, hold/answer their hps, fan them occasionally and look pretty. and of coz, check out the groom's single male frens :P

when my mom found out tat my frens are getting married, i was kinda worried what her reaction would be. i thought she'd be pressurising me even more, now that most of my frens are officially off the market.

but to my surprise, it was quite the opposite. mom told me that she and my dad thinks that i shldnt rush to just choose anyone, and that its ok i take my time, as long as the 'candidate' is a good guy (in her words, "biar lambat, asalkan dapat yang bagus").

what a different tune they're singing now. but of coz, i'm glad and thankful for that. i guess they didnt want me to get upset and just find someone to marry coz of peer pressure, and to keep up with the jones.

so while i pelan-pelan kayuh to look for mr right, i got plenty of work to occupy my time with. well, at least until june :)

top 5 of 2009

2010-01-18T12:57:00.003+08:00

1. When I say never, always or forever, it rarely works out.
Lesson learnt: Never say never.

2. When I have notions of the future in my head, they almost never come true (for eg imagining how my wedding or future house is like. HAHA!).
Lesson learnt: Stop daydreaming!

3. Things happen when I least expect it. It applies for the good and the bad.
Lesson learnt: Never let my guard down and always expect the worst. (oops, broke lesson #1!). Lemme rephrase that to: go in with zero expectations but don’t lose faith in people and that things could be better. A bit tricky to do, and still trying to strike a balance here.

4. I tend to second guess myself after a decision is made. And more often than not, it’s too late to make amends or change my choice when I do change my mind afterwards.
Lesson learnt: Think before I speak. After that, think twice. And don’t shoot my mouth off.

5. What one consider to be honesty may be taken as inconsiderate and insensitive by others.
Lesson learnt: Refer to #4.

i'm not one for new year resolutions, and it IS a bit late now. but hopefully, by putting these down, i will be constantly reminded to be wiser in my choices.

quote of the day

2010-01-13T17:05:00.004+08:00

no one is worth my tears; and one who is will not make me cry

straight from the horse's mouth

2010-01-08T18:03:00.007+08:00

Just yesterday, two men were in my office, servicing the printer. For a couple of servicemen on the job, they sure talked a lot… and loudly too.

So while I was minding my own business at my desk, I couldn't help but overhear their conversation.

They were chatting about several different topics when Guy A started sharing his problems to Guy B. He talked about his mother, brother and basically sighed a lot.

Guy A: itulah… banyak benda (see… there’s plenty of problems)
Guy B: alah kau dah kahwin ape (well, at least you’re already married)
I suppose Guy B was consoling him that at least he wasn’t alone in this.
Guy A: kahwin? Kahwin, tak kahwin… kahwin tu untuk lepaskan nafsu (married? Marriage makes no difference. Marriage is just to relieve your lust)

I was appalled! I felt like turning around and smacking Guy A’s bloody face. But then it wouldn’t be worth it – he’s not worth it.

It reminded me of this episode of this Malay programme I caught on Suria called Mahligai Kaca (it basically means “Glass Castle”… aptly captures the fragility of marriage). I was told that the storylines were derived from real family court cases, although I’m not too sure about the accuracy of this.

But I must say the programme was an eye-opener. I only managed to catch one episode, which happened to be the last one.

It was about this lady who’s been divorced twice but doesn’t give up her search for the perfect man. She finally fell in love with a man, also divorced.

However, her good friend and even the man’s ex-wife advised her not to marry him. They warned that he’s a womanizer and that he could turn abusive. But she turned a deaf ear on them and chose to follow her heart instead.

However, just a few weeks before the wedding, she started to have doubts about him. But by then, all the wedding invites were sent out and in her opinion, it was simply too late to back out. So she proceeded with the wedding any way, praying that she had been wrong to doubt him.

Sadly, just three days after the wedding, he started not coming home, preferring to keep himself busy in the company of other women. When his friends reminded him that he was married, he replied something along the lines of:

“I get married so that I do not have to commit a sin. Having a wife means you can have ‘it’ anytime you want, without resorting to visits to back alleys. A wife saves you costs.”

While I was disgusted with that notion, at the back of my mind, it was just an actor delivering his lines.

Nothing beats the disgust of hearing the actual words from a man himself.
N o t h i n g .

Food for thought:
We often wonder if we're marrying for the wrong reasons.
But how often do we wonder if the man isn't marrying for the wrong reason?

So I shall quote this from Mahligai Kaca which I think is very true:

"It's easy to find a man, but it’s not easy to find a husband.”

in search of the elusive one

2009-12-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

a pointless but enlightening conversation on a dreary wednesday afternoon…

p.q: that time i went there i saw another malay guy

p.q: n this guy was wearing a suit so he's definitely in the business side

barren: wah corporate malay guy

barren: why is it so surprising to find corporate malay guys?

barren: lol

barren: i find it so rare and refreshing

p.q: yea

p.q: he LOOKED refreshing

p.q: haha

barren: lol

barren: tat time i had a meeting with a mediacorp sales guy

barren: malay also

barren: refreshing also

barren: lol

p.q: lol

p.q: i wonder how they're like in person

p.q: are they humorous? witty?

barren: i dunno, i hardly come across such species

barren: its almost like they're an urban legend

barren: *ponder

p.q: i know!

p.q: but i don't think i can be in a relationship with one?

p.q: actually im not sure

p.q: i think such men come with big ego

barren: or high standards

barren: which i don't think i can keep up with

barren: hiak2

at the risk of sounding racist (but how could we, we’re malays too!), this is really true for my friend, ms p.q. and i. we hardly come across corporatey malay guys, or at least the straight ones. I only noe of two, and yeah, their standards are damn high la.

Are they such an elusive specimen, that we’re not quite sure if they even exist? And single ones? Even harder to find!

And why are we so intimidated by the idea of a high-flying malay guy? More often than not, we’d assume that these men, especially the good-lookers, “won’t go for malay girls” and stereotype them as “sure wanna look for angmoh or chinese gf”.

Why ah?

Anyone care to refute our totally baseless assumptions? Or has evidence that the opposite is true?

happy bubbleday!

2009-12-23T17:32:00.002+08:00

Yes, we’re officially ONE today!

Gosh, it just seemed like yesterday when bh, ph and I were chilling out at macs just lamenting about our lives. (errr… ok, that doesn’t sound too good)

But we were hardly sobbing. That’s the thing I love about my fellow hearties - we’re always laughing in our laments! And it was that very session that we started bubbling some ideas about our own space.

I loved that session, I loved our ideas and that motivated this very blog.

We started off as just the three of us, wondering, pondering and reflecting… Will we all find love and settle down in future? Well, we can never know what lies ahead for us, but it’s been a year and it’s definitely good to know that we’re not alone :)

Thank you all readers and contributors. Happy Holidays!

PS: Sorry hearties for disappearing. I just needed to get myself away from the world I knew for a while. So I did and now I’m back and feeling better. bh, you did an awesome job manning the blog all by yourself! *hugs

the one that was not meant to be

2009-12-20T16:22:00.004+08:00

contributed by one of our readers, random heart.

One of the first guys I met online & offline was someone who used the moniker “Armitage” on IRC. He was an extremely interesting person to chat with. At that time, I was a self-confessed IRC addict, would log on daily to chat.

Anyway, I was in my 2^nd year of JC while I chanced upon this guy “H”, he was at that time in his 2^nd year of Singapore Polytechnic and he was in the same course as one of my close friends. Apparently, he was a close friend of my friend’s “uncle” of the same age.

After my A levels, I pretty much did not work and the only odd job I had was shuttling to Boonlay to teach tuition to my cousin. I even introduced IRC to her and on nights when I slept over, we’d be giggling together while chatting on IRC. Of course she knew of my online friend and also got acquainted with him.

Back to the guy…I’ve never gotten any photo of him on IRC hence I don’t know how he looked like. We chatted on the phone and his voice was sooooo swoonsome…even my cousin says so. She actually went: Sis, his voice makes me melt! (LOL). Being THE GOOD GIRL who followed mommy’s rule of study first boys later, I never went out on dates. I’ve always projected myself as this fierce girl in sec sch and when I get to JC, hmmmm…there isn’t any guys interested I guess. And I’m very bad at lying…so I shall not even try.

Anyway…”H” asked me out and I’ve always politely declined him. I wasn’t so scared because I knew he was a real person…kinda 6 degrees of separation. However, one day an opportunity arises…there was this seminar regarding after A level options that I wanted to check out so when he asked me out, I told him…well…if you don’t mind following me to that seminar, then I’d meet you. He agreed instantaneously. The date was fixed and I refused to ride his bike so what we did was agreed to meet and go to City Hall via MRT. Now, I was torn as to which MRT I should meet him at…If I chose the one near my place…I’d probably bump into neighbours or something. I had wanted to meet at Woodlands MRT but decided against it because it was too crowded. Finally, I agreed to meet him at Marsiling MRT station.

While waiting for him, I realized I was being too brave…I never really know who he was and have no idea how he looked like…just that he was supposed to be 1.8m tall. Then I finally met ’H’ and we took the train all the way to City Hall. (He had apparently boarded the train from SP to Marsiling) ‘H’ wasn’t a looker. He was tall, lanky and dark skinned but he’s alright on the whole. Anyway, my good friend was already waiting over at City Hall.( I had planned it in such a way that it would turn out to be a double date with my friend and her boyfriend) What I hadn’t planned was my friend to be at loggerhead with her boyfriend and we met all the rest of the gang at that seminar!

What was supposed to be a date instead became a group dinner at First Muslim Noodles Shop at Far East Plaza. It was really laughable. Luckily, “H” hadn’t seemed to mind. And when it was time to go home after the dinner, I had opted to take the bus home instead of going to the train with the rest. So he sent me back home.

Anyway after that he asked me out again. Again I declined…knowing full well that I would not be able to lie to my mom (my mom is kinda strict you see).

So he retorted on the phone: You tak boleh jumpa ke tak nak jumpa? (You can't meet or don't want to meet?)

To which I replied: Tak boleh la…my mom. (Can't la...my mom)

Him: kenapa? (Why?)

Me: Mak dia ingat anak dia lawa sangat. (This mom thinks her daughter is so pretty)

Him: Lawa ape…. (Pretty what...)

Hahaha. His reply really cracks me up. But of course I didn’t meet him again. I accidentally met him on the train when I was going to my Aunt’s place. He looked pleasantly surprised but that was to be our last meeting.

When I finally joined my school after A level, where I had a lil bit of freedom…he happened to be attached already. Apparently to a plump girl too! I guess plump was his idea of a perfect girl hehe.

And the last I heard about him was that he was involved in a bike accident where he was the pillion to my friend’s uncle. May Allah bless his soul. He had by far been one of the nicer guys I’ve met whom I got to know through online. Of course it was an experience worth remembering and well I guess in a way…it was not meant to be.

Hmmm how’s that for a sappy ‘love’ story? *winks*

p/s: i noe it's always w.h who posts contributions but unfortunately, all my fellow hearties are on a hiatus right now. so that leaves me as the sole custodian of this blog (not for long i hope!) let's wish they'll come back soon, missing you ladies!!!

in the arms of an angel

2009-12-13T22:15:00.002+08:00

I would rather have had
one breath of her hair
one kiss of her mouth
one touch of her hand
than an eternity without it.
One.
               city of angels

love the show and ost but hate the ending nevertheless.

settling down for less

2009-12-02T16:47:00.001+08:00

Being single is a choice. I think most of us, including you, our dear readers, can get attached is a jiffy, if we choose to. It’s a matter of dropping your expectations and thinking long term isn’t it – procreating for the greater good, making our parents happy, escaping boredom in old age. So many reasons to just go out and settle down, to settle for less...

We could. But why are we not doing it? Why am I not doing it?

My answer to this question came recently, when I saw pictures of my freshly attached friends.

That look on their faces.

Bliss. Just pure bliss of gazing each other in the eyes.

The joy of proclaiming to the world (or your facebook friends, at least) that yes, you’ve finally found someone!

Not caring if everyone thinks you’re a love sick nut case, coz YOU are happy.

That overwhelming feeling that consumes your whole being until it shows on your face even as you walk down the street alone.

I want that. I really do.

But oh wells. Not everyone can get what they want eh?

On to the next match-up!

p/s: in pms mode. Guess that’s self explanatory.

crazy

2009-11-20T11:57:00.003+08:00

It seems lately I've been crazy over acoustic songs...
Listen to this sexy swoon-worthy cover of Gnarls Barkley's song by Ray Lamontagne.

God, I love his voice!

hi, my name is…

2009-11-14T23:00:00.002+08:00

Chuck. Good Luck Chuck.

I swear it’s true. For those who don’t know, Good Luck Chuck is a movie about this guy who thinks he's cursed, coz after a girl sleeps with him, she finds the true love of her life and gets married.

There were a few instances where I ‘turned down’ a guy (not sleep with him!), and he’ll hook up in no time, and more often than not… they’ll get married!

For example:

Specimen 1: Mr F

Time: Circa early 2007

Synopsis: Met Mr F in late 2006, hit it off really well but we kept things casual and didn’t want to rush things. Around Dec, my ex made a proposal (as in suggestion, not the on-one-bended-knee kind) for us to try again. I faltered for a moment and told Mr F i’m considering the ex. Disappointed, he went off to get married within months.

Specimen 2: The Ex

Time: Still early 2007

Synopsis: After Mr F got hitched, I was kinda upset. Even though Mr F was no longer in the picture, I still couldn’t give my heart completely yet (yeah, I’m fickle like that). I asked for more time, which unfortunately, during that time, he met someone else. They tied the knot about a year later.

Specimen 3: The one who made me go hmmm

Time: Last month

Synopsis: An update on that entry. It turned out all that he was considering us getting together, which explained all that weird actions. To cut things short, I kinda blew him off initially. After thinking things over, I told him that we could give it a shot. But what’s done is done, and I couldn’t take back what I said before. He was in a depressed, suicidal mood just 2 weeks ago, telling me about how it’s hopeless coz he doesn’t think he can find someone now. But just a few days ago on facebook, I saw that his relationship status has changed! It’s someone he knew from childhood apparently.

So there you go. These are just the main ones I highlighted. There were a few others that I dated briefly who also got married to the next girl they dated.

Coincidence?

Of course la! I don’t believe I have such a curse (or gift, depending on how you see it. heh). It’s just uncanny, don’t you think?

november rain

2009-11-12T23:10:00.005+08:00

dedicated to the month and the weather...

the video is somehow cut off at the end, but otherwise, enjoy this acoustic cover of the Guns N' Roses song :)

there is no sun and there is no sound

2009-11-11T14:54:00.004+08:00

I awake to see no light shining bright through my window.
I awake to feel an empty beating and an empty room.
I awake to hear the sound of the silence with all of its sorrow.
I awake to smell the scent of something I know.
Something is missing. Something is not in its place. Something hurts.
Something, something, that something is you.

http://www.makeliterature.com/reviewing/storyline-7047

which is the way to a woman’s heart?

2009-11-08T17:53:00.009+08:00

A colleague had turned up at the office with something he whipped up himself for everyone. It just so happened that I was on medical leave that very day. Fortunately, I still managed to get a taste of his culinary skills via his personal home delivery service that evening. Haha, yea, very sweet colleagues I have.

Anyway, I was relating it to my girlfriends. One of them asked, “Is the guy married or not?”. She seemed rather happy to entertain the idea of having a boyfriend who cooks well and I offered to introduce him to her. It was hilarious how the conversation evolved from there.

The topic then arose - everyone knows the phrase, “The way to man’s heart is through his stomach”. But what about us women? Which is the way to a woman’s heart?

And it seemed that my dear foodie girlfriends were both unanimous in their answers “Stomach!” But I refuse to take their answers seriously cos (1) they were feeling peckish (2) they were feeding their imagination of chef boyfriends serving up dishes of love and (3) we were obviously not taking things seriously.

When I asked them that question, I wasn’t thinking of a guy’s ability to whip up a storm in the kitchen...

Fact is, women are such complex cerebral creatures. What we don’t feel, what we don’t understand, we can never bring ourselves to do. We can lie to that busybody auntie to get her nose out of where it doesn’t belong, we can lie to that irritating friend just so he would stop bugging us but we just can’t lie to our hearts and order them be opened to just any Tom, Dick or Harry (even if he does possess some mean culinary skills).

So what would or could a guy do to win my heart? Later, I started asking myself questions…

How can I fall in love with a man if I can’t see something good in him?
How can I be touched by his actions if I can’t feel his sincerity?
How can I feel secure if I can’t taste his efforts and the fruits they bear?
How can I miss someone whose presence I’ve never smelled?
How can I share a fulfilling relationship with someone whom I can’t hear his thoughts, ideas and dreams?

And then I found my answer.

Of course I’m not representing all women in this, but yes, my take on which would be the way to a woman’s heart?

It would be through her senses.

single, desperate, ugly... not!

2009-11-01T14:30:00.002+08:00

Two ads caught my eye in the papers last weekend. One was promoting a Dating Challenge, another on some Dating Treats promotion. Both were organised by the Social Development Network (that’s the new name for SDU, guess they got sick of the SingleDesperateUgly jokes). I’ve always seen ads and articles on the events and campaigns that SDU has been working on to ‘encourage’ us singletons to find a match and get married. Used to skim through their newsletters that was sent to my ex last time; I didn’t get it, coz apparently only full time grads from local unis are automatically enrolled.

I remembered being kinda peeved with the ‘discrimination’ (part-time grads don’t need help meh?) and having the impression that these events always have more women and most participants were not malays anyway. So I never bothered to check them out. But since jaded heart was asking about places to meet new people, I thought no harm in seeing if this is a viable channel. And I was kinda curious what kinda events they organised so I went to their webby to take a look.

They really have a lot of events going on… speed dating lunches, overseas trips, mass movie dates, charity events. But I get the feeling I’m not quite the right target audience. Most of the venues are at pubs or fine dining restaurants, and some are exclusively for Christian singles… so nah.

But a few caught my eye, like the street photography workshop and the paintball trip up to Johor. Not for the dating element, but it could be fun if you gather a few friends to go together.

After looking through the website, even though it shows how much effort our gahmen is putting into this, it all seems so… contrived to me. Blame it on the romantic comedies, sappy Korean drams or love songs that I’ve been exposed to, but maybe I’ve been conditioned to fall in love, as opposed to finding it at a “fun activity especially for SDN LoveByte Users that includes buffet dinner and free flow fruit punch.”

The best things happen when you least expect it, not when you purposely seek out for it in an SDU forum.

That’s just my two cents’ worth. Maybe this will work for others. I’m sure there are success stories that SDU can be proud of. But it’s just not for me. I’ll go back to hanging around the aisles of Border’s and trawling myspace for my husband-to-be. Heh, ok kidding.

Paintball, anyone?

all about signs

2009-10-27T21:45:00.007+08:00

Taken from the shoppinglifestyle.com's article:

5 Body Language Clues He (Definitely) Likes You

SIGN #1: He flashes his brows and smiles when he sees you.

Body Language Decoder: Raised brows signal attraction: It's the universal sign of interest and it exists in every culture. In fact, some experts think it's the most recognized non-verbal sign of greeting used by humans. When we're attracted to someone, our eyebrows rise and fall subconsciously. And when the other person is similarly attracted, they raise their brows and smile in return. The whole exchange lasts less than a second, though, so it can be easy to miss unless you're looking out for it!

Bubble Decoder: So ladies, look out for ziana zain wannabe, in er, a man? Not too sure about this one... I thought the eyebrow raising thing is kinda like a universal gesture of acknowledgment and recognition? Like you see an acquaintance on the streets but he's not close enough for you guys to stop and chat. Cue the eyebrow-raising, with a slight wave of the hand, and walk on by. No? Maybe it's a different arch of the brows that we need to look out for? hmmm

SIGN #2: He points his body towards you.

Body Language Decoder: If he's across the room, take a peek at his hands and feet: We tend to point toward the object of our desire subsciously. When we find someone attractive, we'll often point (with our hands, feet or toes) toward that person. If you're engaging in a conversation with him sitting next to you, it's even easier to tell: If he leans slightly forward and keeps his shoulders and upper body squarely facing you, it shows that he's deeply interested in you and what you have to say.

Bubble Decoder: I read about how you will lean towards someone if you're interested in him, I guess it works both ways too. Just as long as he's not too close to encroach into my personal space, I'm fine :)

SIGN #3: He gazes at your lips while you're talking.

Body Language Decoder: Our eyes have a body language all their own. A major telltale sign of how we feel about someone is our gazing pattern: When we look at acquaintances, like at business meetings, we keep our gazes at eye-level, focusing on the other person's eyes and the bridge of the nose. With friends or someone we like, we hold our eye contact longer than usual and our gaze moves down to include the nose and mouth. And if he's romantically drawn to you, the look can further drop down to include parts of your body like the neck or shoulders. This type of intimate gaze conveys interest. It's as if he can't resist caressing the rest of your face and hair with his eyes, or he's imagining what it feels like to kiss you on the lips.

Bubble Decoder: This could be a lil creepy, depending on where he's looking. It'd better be above the neck...

SIGN #4: His pupils widen and he blinks more when looking at you.

Body Language Decoder: The size of our pupils adjusts according to two things: Light and attraction. It's a biological reaction we cannot control. Secretly compare his pupils and another person's (like your girlfriend if she's sitting beside you) in the same surroundings. If we're looking at a person we like, our pupils will dilate, so will our blink rate. The reason: When we're excited, our body releases more adrenaline which results in dilated pupils and faster blinks – the same physiological process that makes our heart pump faster and our knees weak!

Bubble Decoder: Wah, this is a tough one... how the heck am i gonna compare it someone else's? Or take a pic of him gazing? Definite no-no for men with nervous eyes :P

SIGN #5: He laughs at just about everything you say.

Body Language Decoder: If his eyebrows remain slightly raised while you're talking, it signals that he finds you fascinating. Another obvious sign that he likes you a lot: He nods, smiles, laughs and agrees with just about everything you say, including the silly stuff. He's not just being cordial – he's genuinely happy to be with you!

Bubble Decoder: aaww, i want a yes-man too!

so there you go, jaded. hope this helps you a bit. not sure if these are all true, i guess the only way is to ask a male friend or our male readers (are there any left??).

if all else fails, i think you should just follow your gut and women's intuition. if a guy is giving mixed signals and i cant read them, then i'd assume he's stringing me along.

a lazy friday entry

2009-10-23T16:37:00.003+08:00

For the past hour, I’ve been fighting to keep my eyes open. A few times, I almost dozed off in front of the pc. It’s always during the magical hour between 3-4pm… looks like it’s gonna be an early friday night for me today.

Wanted to bubble an entry here but realised I’ve got nothing to write about! Pfft.

How about you, our fellow hearties and readers, tell me what you wanna know? Topics to raise, burning questions you wanna know about the hearties, what you hate/love to read about… anything la. As long as it doesn’t compromise our anonymity of cos :)

I know it’s cheating but I’m on a dry spell here, need some help to get those bubbling thoughts popping... heh.

Anyway, tgif peeps!

blackbird

2009-10-19T21:35:00.006+08:00

It’s a rock ballad by Alter Bridge, so I guess not everyone would enjoy it as much as I do.

First heard the song during an extremely emotional period. Simply love the lyrics, the voice and the build up of melody… Somehow ‘Blackbird’ to me, represented my heart that had lost its way…

As I revisit the song, I’m praying hard for all my hearties…

May love return and our hearts never be broken again.

Can’t find the official video online, but I hope this will do.

the one who made me run (part II)

2009-10-16T00:22:00.004+08:00

Have you ever reflected on something you did ages ago and wondered why the hell you even did it? Like why, why, why?

Well, that’s how I felt whenever I think back about Mr big eyes.
Ok… after my sprinting episode, he finally left me alone. Thank God... No more sudden appearances, no more staring, no more stalking, nothing. Months passed and he graduated. I no longer saw him around in school and I soon forgot all about him...

Until the day I met him again.

Was walking towards my usual bus stop when I spotted him standing there. We boarded the same bus but did nothing more than to give each other the eye of recognition.

It happened quite often after that but he never did anything that scared me so I soon decided that he was harmless. Only after crossing paths a few more times, he made small talk with me. It was no longer something lame like the weather but we sort of exchanged nuggets of information.

I can’t remember what happened in detail but oddly we became friends. Why, why why? I guess I remember thinking that he probably scared girls away with his looks and weird approaches and deduced that maybe all he needed was just a friend. I suppose that’s how I decided to give him a chance.

I have a pretty good memory but I can’t remember how or why I passed him my address. But it must have happened otherwise he wouldn’t have written me letters. Yea, yea… Why, why why? The irony of it… being pen pals with your ex-stalker.

Anyway, we kept in touch via letters, emails and even hung out a few times. I know, I know.. Why, why why? Well, until…

I invited him to an exhibition that I was a part of. He turned up. I thought it was rather nice of him and was appreciative about it but as I couldn’t bring him around myself, I advised him to look around by himself.

I remember this scene distinctly. I was standing with my friends when a friend pointed out to me, “Hey your friend’s been staring at you the whole time from upstairs”. I looked up and there was Mr big eyes, two levels above me, his big eyes fixated on me.

Realising that I have caught sight of him, he gave a slow wave.

I don’t know why but I froze that very minute. A familiar feeling started to creep up on me.

I suddenly recalled a time when he asked what perfume I applied. When I told him I didn’t apply any, he stood close to me and took a deep long sniff of my hair with his eyes closed.

I shuddered. The familiar feeling started to make sense...

It was fear.

You might think I’m silly but I never quite gotten over that fear. It creeped me out so bad that I avoided his calls, did not reply his emails and letters. In fact he was the original reason why I used pseudonyms online.

From that day on, it’s as though I suffered a short circuit in my memory. Imagine, I could remember the entire earlier scary experience of being stalked in school but couldn’t remember much of what happened during our friendship.

His last letter to me was a few years ago. He had just returned from the United States after five years and wanted to make contact again. I suppose he was trying his luck by sending me a letter.

I still remember his last letter… it was white and had tiny heart designs all around.

I never replied.

You could say I made myself scarce from his life.

quote of the day

2009-10-15T11:35:00.002+08:00

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

:)

single ladies

2009-10-13T20:59:00.003+08:00

All the single ladies! Now put your hands up if you've caught Beyonce's original 'Single Ladies' music video. If you haven't, perhaps you might like to watch it here before you watch the second video below.

To watch the video above, click here.

the one who made me go hmmm

2009-10-12T23:36:00.001+08:00

An old friend asked me out for dinner on sat night. Although I had no plans and was kinda bored myself, it was quite late, the weather was drizzly and my butt was heavy from inactivity during the fasting month (was holed up at home during the weekends baking cookies). So I ended up whining to him about how I wish he could fetch me and trying to psycho him to come over to my neighbourhood instead (to no avail). I noe, I must sound like a superbly spoilt brat to you now :P

At this point, he exclaimed, “macam mana la kau nak kawin macam ni?” Which translates to how are you gonna get married like this? What he meant was, he’s already asking me out and there I was, making excuses not to meet him.

Hmmm. Was this supposed to be a date?

Anyway, I asked him what’s there to do if we meet. Coz there was nothing good to catch at the movies, and it’s rather pointless to go out to town just to eat and then go back right?

His reply? “We should go out and do something we haven’t done before. And we should just let things happen.”

Hmmm. Should let WHAT happen?

This is one guy I’ve known for about 3 years now, on a purely platonic basis. He’s sorta like my online punching bag… someone to complain and rant to when I’m not happy about something. It’s not like I’m bullying or using him, really! He’s just the perfect candidate coz HE’S got a lot of grouses of his own which he heaps on me. Without me realising it (no thanks to my goldfish-short term memory), I’ve unloaded to him about my family, work, exbfs, bad dates and the many awful days I went through over the years we’ve known each other.

For me, I just let off steam by typing whatever comes to my mind when I see him online. Also coz he’s always online no matter what time of day it is. Random thoughts, daily whingeing about everything and nothing in particular at times; things I never thought would see the light of day after that.

To my surprise, I realised recently that he remembers most of the stuff I’ve been telling him. Of coz, there are the notable bad dates that he never fails to bring up (some are so bad, who could forget??). But there are also other details that I don’t recall ever telling him.

In recent weeks, he’s been telling me stuff that I told him before which made me go, “did I tell u that??” and “how the hell do you remember all these stuff that I told u eons ago??”

As I type this, I am recalling another convo we had a few weeks ago. I cant remember what we were talking about but it came to a point when he said that we never got to start anything coz we were always involved/interested in someone else at one point or another.

Cue my third hmmm moment. Start WHAT?

Then, just a few nights ago on msn, he started asking me weird questions. Like, would you invite me if u got married. When I replied yes, he said, “ok, so we’re in the friends zone.”

Next question: “Would you date me if I wasn’t an asshole?”

HMMMMMM. I never considered that an option and I told him as much. Jokingly, I said it’s also coz he will always be an asshole, so that probability is zero. Heh. He seemed contented with that answer, saying that it’s good to know where he stands hypothetically. So that was that.

Maybe I’m reading too much into this. Anyway, whatever la. All I know is that I just treat him as a friend. No other thoughts other than… say it all together now… hmmmmm.

chemical learning

2009-10-08T17:36:00.002+08:00

the relationships in chemistry or the chemistry in relationships?
hehe enjoy the video below

the test

2009-10-07T14:21:00.003+08:00

We often hear ppl say that the course of true love never runs smooth. And that you have to overcome obstacles before you find bliss at the end of the line. That hardships will give way to happiness eventually. That if we just hold on and persevere, we shall be rewarded with a love that stood the test of time and troubled waters, making it that much sweeter.

On the other hand, I’ve been personally told that if the person is not right for you, then some sort of higher power will not make that path easy for you. That we should take these obstacles as ‘signs’ that things are not meant to be. Cos if he’s the right person for you, the road wouldn’t be paved with endless problems.

So which is which? Someone said that if you’re meant to be with someone, there are bound to be obstacles but you will eventually come out of them or are able to solve them together, making your relationship stronger.

So we must figure out if these obstacles are ‘solvable’ or not, to determine if we should hold on or let go?

I never found out. But let go anyway.

How about you?

struck

2009-10-06T13:29:00.003+08:00

to watch the video, click here.

the one who visited my house

2009-09-27T20:30:00.005+08:00

the one who had little to say was introduced by a close family friend; he's actually the younger brother of this lady who's very close to my mom.

given the close ties my parents have with their family, it's a sticky situation and both families have been pushing very hard for this to go through. that means i cant just turn down or cease contact with him even though theres no chemistry betw us and i dun see myself going further in this.

it's been over a year since we were introduced, with about 4 dates under our belt, once-in-a-blue-moon smses and still, zero phonecalls. the one similarity i see with him is that we're both shy with people we're not comfortable with and we take a very long time to warm up to people. usually similarities are a good thing isnt it? but in this situation, it's kinda detrimental and makes it quite impossible for us to take this further.

i voiced out my concerns to my parents; but they still insist that i should maintain that minimum contact we have and try to keep this going. nevertheless, sensing that this really isnt going anywhere, my mom half-jokingly told that family friend that if nothing happens by this hari raya, it's a no-go.

obviously, i have been secretly wishing that NOTHING happens but, whaddya noe, just this afternoon, my mom told me that his family will be coming round our place for visiting..... *dread*

so how was it? awkwardness to the max la!

i'm not the super friendly type, nor am i the chatty hostess who can make small talk with guests who come to my house. usually, tat's my parent's job and i'll be helping out in the kitchen. even with my close relatives, i do the same.

but suddenly, today, i was expected to sit beside this guy and make small talk in front of his family (which btw, comprised of his mom, elder brother, his wife and 3 kids, his sister and her husband).

how am i supposed to talk to him in front of our families when we hardly talk when we were alone? the seat beside him at the dining table was always somehow empty, and his sister and my mom kept asking me to sit down. riiiight... and do what?? nt wanting to appear rude, i just smiled at their 'requests'.

i didnt even say a word to him the whole time they were here. heck, i didnt say anything to anyone actually! hehe. but as they were leaving, i just said my thanks to him for coming over and asked a qn or two on how he's doing (at the door!).

sigh. it was so weird la. i dunno why other people cant see that this whole thing wont go anywhere. just coz someone is nice, has a good family background and stable job, doesnt mean that its so easy to get married to them. when 2 people are introduced, isnt it common sense to understand that there is a chance that it wont work out, even tho there are no major differences or factors involved? when a 'matchmake' like this is arranged, is it impossible to get out of? the worse thing is, i dun see him being so excited or psyched about this whole thing either. it's the families who have been pushing us, telling me that "he's interested but he's just shy", and trying to point out 'signs' that he's keen on this.

but even if he is, i'm not!

i noe i said that i'd give this a shot. but it's so so sooo hard when ur heart is just not into it. saying no is not an option, too. i noe, i tried it already.

i'm at my wit's end here. i guess all i can do now is to take each day at a time, stay as non-commital as possible and see how things go.

of blushes and silly grins

2009-09-27T20:15:00.005+08:00

the breath stolen
the heart aflutter
a single moment
of multiple heartbeats
while the rush lived
as long as it lasted

...

love detector

2009-09-25T16:56:00.004+08:00

I’m loving the sexy graphics of Love Detector*.

Wouldn’t you wish such a device truly existed?

* love detector is an entertainment iphone app developed by longneck

selamat hari raya

2009-09-18T20:17:00.004+08:00

Here's wishing all fellow Muslim hearties and readers a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri :)

Let's relish the quality time spent with loved ones and close friends.

Be happy.
Be merry.
And beware of mark-chicks.

hairy, hairy, quite contrary

2009-09-17T15:19:00.003+08:00

I boarded the MRT earlier than usual today, mentally prepared for the selfish, annoying passengers amongst the rush hour crowd.

As expected, there were no empty seats. I stood holding a pole and looked around when my gaze landed on a head of hair a few steps in front of me.

Against the glass window, the head of hair glistened. It was a lady’s head of hair. Her hair was long, oily and tied untidily, exposing unwashed scalp. I could see white specks of dandruff clearly from my view.

In my silent disgust, I wondered how anyone could neglect his or her personal hygiene. I was seriously appalled especially cos this was a lady!

I cruelly wondered if she could find herself a husband should she continue to walk around in that state. Would any man be attracted to her?

My eyes bore through silhouettes and I observed her t-shirt, her sleeve, her arm, her hand…

Hold it!

Her fingers were entwined in another person’s hand. My eyes shot up, trying to see the person standing next to her…

It was a man. Her boyfriend? Husband?

Well, her male partner's head of hair wasn’t any better. It was dishevelled, exposing his scalp here and there, obviously unstyled from the moment he stepped out of bed. He didn't even look like he had showered.

They sure were made for each other.

L-O-V-E (part II)

2009-09-10T06:15:00.011+08:00

The following was a comment contributed by our reader, Vanilla, in response to plastered heart's post. We felt and thought (no heart and mind battle there!) that it deserves its own published space. :)

L-O-V-E, oh what do we all know about it, right?
It comes in different shapes, forms, sizes, colours, smiles, prayers, kisses, words, almost anything you can imagine. I've concluded for myself, to love is not to reason. And love never really has a reason. When we love something or someone, we just do. We don't need reason to love, nor does love need any reason. It's a feeling. It's here (touches the heart).

Somewhere in this process, the mind suddenly reappears to remind you - 'hey you, don't forget me!'. And there you go - we start to justify or give explanations to certain things which never did require any of those. When we need to rationalise love, then at best what we can have is a relationship. Someone once shared this previous line with me, till today it's tattooed in me.

I guess, it's a habit to think after we feel. Sometimes that spoils the pure beauty of a simple sensation called 'F-E-E-L'. Special things behold unexplainable understanding. Sometimes the tendency to think too much is pretty high on the scale, then it becomes a bloody pain and a tumour at the back of our mind. So I quit thinking when i'm feeling, especially when in love, still loving or loved before. It never made any sense in the first place.

I thought I could rationalise so that I know how to justify what I'm doing or why I'm feeling this and that. Is it because of hidden insecurity, just a habit or guilt of not using the brain, or whatever it may be - I gave up, it doesn't matter.

So some will say, I'm being naive or don't be stupid by letting your emotions get over you, and be driven to a state madness. Some will say, love is blind or love only sees what it wants to see. Sometimes, it's darn tiring to always hear what others have to say. Well, I've learnt and want to trust my heart. If it fails me, so be it. Get up and walk again. And, I don't mean to completely leave behind the mind totally, of course.

Now now now, Hearties, this perpetual war between mind and heart; reasoning and feeling; logic and sense, rationale and baseless; and what-have-you, shall be a whole lifetime affair it seems! I may have been through the thickest of such battle that it almost drove me completely nuts, it bashes me to the bone, and gooossshhhh I was like the world's most miserable-looking-thing! I'm better now (or so i believe). It can be depressing because you're constantly fighting with that inner voice of both the heart and mind.

Can u imagine when two voices are trying to compete for your attention at the same time, and justifying to you why one is superior than the other? It's insane!

Try listening to 'Have You Ever Been in Love' by Celine Dion.

I love it.

everything men know about women

2009-09-08T05:47:00.003+08:00

"Famed psychologist Alan Lowell Francis has written a landmark book on men's understanding of the most complex of all creatures - women. Based on years of research and interviews with thousands of men from all walks of life, he presents the most complete picture ever revealed of men's knowledge of their opposite sex. Fiercely frank and brilliantly insightful, this work spells out everything men know about such topics as:

making friends with women
romancing women
achieving emotional intimacy with women
making commitments to women
satisfying women in bed

image from maniacworld

conditions of love

2009-09-06T21:11:00.005+08:00

"we particularly relish in the other precisely the qualities that we lack ourselves. it would be absurd to crave what you already possess. in loving the other, we can come by to possess these qualities."

while i was cleaning out my closet yesterday, i came across this old diary i kept. one entry dated 21 nov 04 had a few quotes from this book conditions of love, by john armstrong. i remember reading it a few days after i broke up. it was a time of loss and trying to come to terms with what just happened, what went wrong. i guess i was trying to get some answers from this thin paperback from borders. hah.

the reason i jotted this quote down was coz reading it made me realise how true it is (for my case, at least). even now, as i reflect back on the guys i liked after 2004, it's still true.

the attributes that attract me to the guys i like are those that i dun possess myself. we love someone in the hope that what we love in them will rub on us, somehow. i think it makes sense, just that we dont do it consciously, just on a subconscious level.

say, my first ex... he's confident, speaks and writes well, a literary whiz to my then-17 year old self. one of the first things i loved about him was that he had a way with words, which i was (and still) a sucker for. it is what i aspire to be, so it could be one of the factors that made me fall in love then.

more recently, a co-worker i have a teeny crush on. he's my age, and yet he's already a manager, handling huge projects and with a team under him. on top of that, he has his own little entertainment company that he manages at night, something that he does simply coz he loves it. his passion to work and play just as hard is what i like about him, coz maybe im not someone whos so driven like him. of coz, he's kinda cute too :P

another one is this guy i met 3 yrs ago. he's one adventurous bugger, the kind who cant sit still and needs his adrenaline fix all the time. he regaled to me his dirt biking days, the times he went camping outdoors, cycling all around singapore, riding out to malaysia every other week, and how he's taken probably 20 part time jobs in his youth... as i sat there open-mouthed at how much he's done. again, it just amazes me how passionate and driven someone can be, something that's almost alien to one who's in a constant state of inertia as me :)

anyway, this could only be true for me, i dunno.

why not you guys reflect on this and tell me if it's the same for you.

the way I am

2009-09-01T10:15:00.007+08:00

I'm in love with this song.

Listen to her smooth vocals:
"The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson

...................................................................................

If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cuz I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine if you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

the one who made me run

2009-08-28T16:26:00.005+08:00

This happened back when I was still studying. Yes, it’s an old story but my encounter with Mr big eyes left me haunted even till today. I was reminded of this when I recently spotted someone who looked like him.

I was making my way home from the bus interchange one day when I noticed in front of me, a tall guy whom I recognized as a senior in my school.

There was light drizzle but as my steps, at its usual speed were rather quick, I didn’t let the slight patter bother me. Pretty soon, I almost overtook the guy.

Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks in front of me. He held his hand out to feel the drops of rain on the skin of his palm and turned to me. “It’s raining,” he said.

I just nodded.

I continued walking. So did he, right next to me, matching my steps while trying to make conversation with me. I can’t remember the conversation that ensued but I’m sure it wasn’t much and that it was mainly a question and answer session with me trying to be polite.

By the time I had covered about two-thirds of my journey home, he was still walking next to me. He told me where he stayed (which was only a few blocks before mine!) and asked where I stayed. I lied and pointed to a block neighbouring mine. I just wasn’t comfortable in telling him where I stayed.

We parted ways when we reached near his block and I made my way home quickly, all the while making sure I wasn’t being followed.

He appeared again another day and walked next to me when I was walking home. I pretended to be cool when deep down I felt really uncomfortable.

Then suddenly the ordeal began. I never failed to catch him and his big eyes staring at me amongst any crowd in school. He was somehow always in sight at the canteen or corridor or quadrangle. You name it - somewhere, somehow and always. Even when I stayed beyond the normal school hours, he could be seen lurking around the school compound.

I was freaked out.

And I had every reason to.

Once, when I spotted him at one end of the canteen, my friend and I made our way to the back of the canteen and dashed to the other end of the canteen, unobstructed. When we reached the OTHER end, he was already there! It was insanely terrifying.

How on earth did he make his way across so fast through the crowded canteen, I don’t know. But I knew I was scared shitless.

Every day I was in fear of being followed.

One day, my friend and I boarded the bus and he was already seated there! After my friend alighted at her bus stop, I deliberated on what I should do.

To my relief, he stood up and alighted way before we reached the interchange. I thought to myself, perhaps I had been too paranoid. He wasn’t following me. Maybe it was mere coincidence all along.

Feeling a lot calmer, I made my way home the usual way. Well, actually, there was only ONE way I could walk home from the bus interchange.

To my horror, he appeared right beside me out of the blue! And I hadn’t even noticed where he came from!

My mind wondered how the hell he could have reached the same place at the same time when he alighted many stops earlier. It just didn’t make any sense!

He tried to make conversation again, but this time I just walked away. I crossed the road to the pavement on the opposite side. But I could still feel him observing me. From the corner of my eye I could see that he was matching his steps to mine.

I was terrified but I decided that I couldn’t possibly walk home. My block was situated at the end of the straight road. It wasn’t as though I could weave my way in and out of blocks of flats and try to lose him.

The quicker I walked, the faster my heart beat. It felt like it was expanding with every beat and was rising up to my throat to choke the life out of me.

Before I understood what I was doing, my legs lifted themselves and started to run. I ran like I had never run before, not towards home but as far as I could and away from that area.

And I stayed away for some time before I decided to make my way home again.

to be continued

the ones who played peekaboo

2009-08-25T14:04:00.003+08:00

I’m reading the time traveller’s wife now. Such a lovely read, also coz im a sucker for good narratives. It’s a story of a man who time travels (duh!) and his wife who has to wait for him to come back whenever he disappears into the past/future. Time-tripping husband has no control over his disability/power and is unwillingly sucked into different time zones whenever he gets too emotional or sometimes, for no reason at all. His solidly-present spouse has the unenviable task of worrying for his safety til he returns coz time travel isn’t all that breezy (I wont disclose too much info, lest you call ‘Spoiler!’).

Anyway, reading this just reminded me of the time traveller-wannabes I’ve come across who also pop in and out mysteriously. I seem to know a number of this species of males who come and go as they please. For a week or two, they can be constantly smsing or calling me, asking me out. And suddenly, *poof*! Disappear for a few months, appear again out of the blue. Repeat cycle.

The one who was my best friend was the first of these males I encountered, back when we were friends. If there’s a hiatus from his daily calls, it could only mean one thing. He was attached. But his absence wasn’t too bad, he’d only be gone for at most a week or two (as long as his prev rships went. heh).

So from there, whenever the guys I know run AWOL on me, I’d just assume they got attached or are distracted with someone else. For some, I’d assume that they’re in some kinda accident or got into trouble and thrown into jail. Yeah I know, don’t you just love the optimism in me? :)

Recently, I had an experience with 2 different guys who said they wanted to meet me on a certain day (not on the same day of coz). The day came and no word, call or sms from them. Maybe something cropped up and they couldn’t make it or even sms to tell me... so I didn’t call them to bug. Weeks pass and still no word. Ok, I can take a hint. Above scenarios run through my mind and I forget about it.

But lo and behold, some moons later, these 2 guys make their re-appearing act. Just a nonchalant sms or MSN, “I’m back. Wanna meet?” or “So long never hear from you. How are you?”, like nothing happened.

Hmmmmm. Maybe I was overreacting? Maybe I misunderstood them and they DIDN’T say they want to meet?

I dunno. I stopped wondering long before they came back. Let’s see how long they can stay in my presence before they disappear again.

conversations with myself

2009-08-23T23:21:00.001+08:00

I'm really bad at saying no.

When I really wanna turn someone down, or when asked to do something I don't like, that simple two-letter word isn't that simple to say out at all. It takes a lot of beating around the bush, going round and round, before I can get my message across... most times, I fail and end up saying yes instead. So I gave up trying to say no and just silently protest.

Recently, I did say it.

NO, I can't do this.

NO, I really tried.

NO, I think this is a bad idea.

What do you know, even when it does come out of my mouth, it doesn't work.

NO, this isn't acceptable.

NO, YOU have to try harder.

NO, I won't take no for an answer.

What am I to do? I begin to second guess myself. Maybe saying 'no' is a bad idea. Besides, all they have is my interest at heart. Maybe, I should push myself to say yes instead. If everyone thinks it's such a good idea, it has to be.

YES, I can do it.

YES, I will try again.

YES, even though my heart says no.

The heart could be wrong. Based on past experience, it hasn't been that reliable and is prone to make overly emotional decisions, with pretty dire consequences. Maybe this time, I shouldn't listen to it too much. Anyway, apart from saying no, it really hasn't said much. Maybe it's just gotten into a bad habit to saying 'no'. It's time to train it to say yes now.

Not all decisions can be made based on what your heart says.

Say, when you're setting up a company and looking for a suitable business partner. What do you look for? You don't just go for someone whose face you like, who gives you a good 'vibe' and who says nice things to you right? Who knows, that glib talker might be out to swindle you. This partner-to-be has to have a stable background, good financial history, no criminal records, etc... someone you can depend on. From there, it's easier to establish a partnership that will last. Yes, that makes perfect sense.

All that has to be done now, is to hope and pray that this stubborn barren heart learns to open up again and finally say yes.

barren

2009-08-21T15:26:00.005+08:00

this time, i'm really living up to my name.

my head is devoid of any ideas/inspirations/thoughts for this blog. and i *think* i've documented all my dating chronicles. or those worth mentioning, anyway. sorry, my fellow hearties!

i do have some stuff in my head. but it's a bit too emotional to blog about at the moment.

in due time (and soon, i hope!).

same guy, same agenda

2009-08-15T00:48:00.006+08:00

Was checking my mail and was about to delete what I thought was typical spam when I realised I knew the name of the 'sender'.

Apparently I've been added as a friend on "SpeedDate.com" by the guy whom I thought is married. Sigh.

Previous readers may remember him from my previous entry (click here to read).

URGH!

the one whom I slept with

2009-08-11T16:48:00.000+08:00

I don't believe I have ever confided this secret in anyone. But I figured since I'm protected by anonymity...

Though it happened years ago, I still remember the scene...

My eyes lifted slowly...
a distinct humming sound in the background...
my body lurched forward slightly in gentle inertia.

I tilted my head slightly to my right.

There he was sleeping next to me. Our heads against each other with mine resting on his shoulders.

Then stealthily and gradually, I inched my head away from him, secretly hoping I wouldn't wake him up cos I wouldn't know what to say. When we were finally apart, I sat upright and straightened my back, trying to look as nonchalant as best I could.

I remember darting my eyes around the environment I was in.

I remember sighing in relief and thinking, "Thank god I didn't miss my bus stop".

gabe bondoc

2009-08-07T14:11:00.012+08:00

Fell in love the moment I heard him. Especially love the lyrics of his original songs.

Here's the oh-so-adorable singer songwriter with the first song I heard, "Dorm Room"

"Dictionary" makes me smile... cool concept :)

And "Temporary" almost made me tear

doormat. definitely.

2009-08-02T20:02:00.001+08:00

why do men love bitches?

apparently, i'm not the only asking coz there's a book with that title. which i'm reading now.

before i go on, let me give you the definition of a bitch in this book. (please retract your claws now, all you real biatches reading this. thankyou.)

here, bitch doesn't mean 1) a female dog or female species of any canine or 2) a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, esp. a woman.

it just refers to a woman who stands her ground in a relationship, someone not afraid to voice her opinions when the situation calls for it and one who wont compromise the most important thing, her dignity and self-respect, for any man.

this lady has that je ne sais quoi, translating to 'i don't know what.' basically it's that something special that men cant seem to put their finger on, but are drawn to nonetheless.

it's not about looks; gorgeous women get dumped and end up with jerks too.
it's not about intelligence; even the not-so-smarts are known to possess this quality.

so what is this attribute? it is a woman that's comfortable in her own skin.

the opposite of the bitch is... the 'nice girl', or a less pleasant term used in the book, a doormat.

she's described as one who gives everything blindly to a man (even when they just get into a rship), because she wants so much for her actions to be reciprocated. she's the one who goes along with what she thinks her man will like or want because she wants to keep him at all cost.

to further explain the difference between the two, here are some case scenarios:

#1 He calls you and expects you to be at home
the nice girl will let the guy know she's leaving, where she'll be and wat time she'll be back
the bitch lets him think about where she is now and then. no 'reporting strength' here :P

#2 He says he'll call at ard a certain time. the call is 4 hours late
the nice girl yells at him and says she's worried, "you should have called!!"
the bitch isnt so easily upset, so she's harder to read. even if he does call, she may not even pick up the phone

#3 He seems withdrawn, pensive, nt particularly talkative
the nice girl continually pesters him and asks, "what are you thinking about?" she's worried he's pulling away from her.
the bitch is in her own thoughts, she doesn't panic, which makes him come her way.

#4 He is late for a date and keeps her waiting
the nice girl waits, calls him incessantly and tells him that he should 'value her more'
the bitch waits for half an hour, then make other plans

going back to the main question here, why are men so attracted to bitches? the difference here isn't so much about how you treat the guy. it's how you treat yourself. we may think that by giving a man extra tender, loving care, he will stay by your side. but mostly, that's not always enough. for most men, it'll make them run away even, especially if you give too much in the beginning.

let's face it. men love the thrill of the chase. if someone comes across as too 'easy' for them, they lose interest quickly. but when he sees you as a mental challenge, his interest is piqued and he'll try harder to get you. even after he gets the girl, he'll treasure her more. after all, he did have to put up a fight to get to where he is. imagine a child who's given a shiny new toy for christmas as opposed to one he bought himself after saving up for months. which do you think he'd treasure more? :)

in case you're wondering which one you are, they even had an "are you too nice" quiz. a test in which i failed miserably. lol! i shan't pose the questions here, you go read it yourself if you're interested :P

but here are 10 characteristics of the bitch mentioned in the book, where you may ascertain for yourself whether you are one or the other :)

1. she maintains her independence - she earns her keeps, not depending on her man or with her hand out to anyone.

2. she doesnt pursue him - the moon, the sun and the stars don't revolve ard him. she doesn't chase or keep tabs on him, he is NOT the centre of the world.

3. she is mysterious - this isn't about being dishonest. she doesnt lie but she doesnt reveal everything and wont put her cards on the table too soon. familiarity breeds contempt and predictability breeds boredom.

4. she leaves him wanting - she doesnt see him every night or leave him long messages. shes not always available to him, which leaves him to long for her.

5. she doesnt let him see her sweat - she avoids communication when upset. she clears her head first, making sure shes rational and speaks in a "bottom line" way.

6. she remains in control of her time - she takes it slow, especially when he wants to hurry. all in her time, preventing him from controlling her.

7. she maintains a sense of humour - this lets him now shes detached. but she doesnt treat disrespect as a laughing matter.

8. she places a high value on herself - she appreciates a compliment. she doesnt ask what his ex looked like or compare herself to other women.

9. she is passionate about something other than him - when he feels that he's not the "be all and end all" of her existence, it makes her more desirable. and staying busy ensures she isnt resentful when he's unavailable.

10. she treats her body like a finely tuned machine - she maintains her appearance and health. a person's self-respect is reflected on how she maintains her image. if he tells her he doesnt like red lipstick, she wears it anyway, coz it makes her feel good.

bitch or doormat, i think the above is pretty solid advice for any woman to take, whether she is single or attached; seeking for love or not.

love guru vs love victims

2009-07-30T00:50:00.006+08:00

It seems that my once-in-a-blue-moon nocturnal appearances in msn have always been greeted by love victims. Never mind that I’ve no credentials in Psychology whatsoever or that I’m no love guru myself - they don’t seem to care.

I can’t help but suspect that few of them are lying in wait, all ready to test the threshold of my patience.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m always happy to offer a listening ear and my honest opinion, especially so when a good friend of mine is concerned. But pleaaaseeee…. if you ever need to talk, don’t ask me for my opinion once and then again, and again, and again just cos my initial reply wasn’t what you wanted to hear.

Anyway, thought I’d compile a few of them here in case there were similar love victims.

........................................................................................................................
CASE 1:

Guy is interested in Girl, who is pretty and popular. Guy asked Girl out, she accepts invitation. Date went “alright” although “alright” really meant “different” which really, really meant “awkward cos there weren’t many things in common”.

Girl loves cutesy annoying songs which Guy absolutely detests. But Guy complements them anyway. “Nice,” Guy said. He even pretends to enjoy the music when he is actually gagging. 'Isn’t this what they term as “sacrifice”?'

Guy believes that love is blind and that he is behaving how he is because he is in love with her.

To guys:
Firstly, if there’s anything a girl hates, it’s deceit.
Secondly, please think with your brain, not with your …
Interest based on physical attraction alone cannot withstand the test of time.

To girls:
If a guy tells you that you both have lots in common, take it with a pinch of salt.
Then wait and see.

........................................................................................................................
CASE 2:

Guy likes Girl. But something came between them and they lost touch. Finally, somehow the friendship was rekindled.

Then Guy confesses to Girl that he used to like her. At the same time he assures her that the feelings are long gone – he lied. He didn’t want her to run away.

To guys:
What is the objective of lying again? A girl who learns that she has been struck off your list will similarly strike you off HER list.

To girls:
This is a rare case. If a guy says he’s over you, no need for second-guessing - he means it.

........................................................................................................................
CASE 3:

Guy loses sleep over quarrel with best friend, Girl. He is unable to focus at work, and is trying all sorts of methods to seek her forgiveness. He doesn’t even realize that he has stopped courting another girl he was interested in.

“She’s my best friend, my soul mate,” Guy said regretfully as he recalls all the hurt he had caused her. He explains that she know him best and feels terrible at the thought of losing the friendship.

To guys:
Best friend?!!!
If you’ve found a soul mate in a girl, that means she’s THE one. Don’t let her go.
Isn’t it obvious?

To girls:
If a guy fails to see or acknowledge just how important you are in his life, LEAVE!

........................................................................................................................
CASE 4:

Guy hits on Girl B only to learn that her best friend is his ex-girlfriend, A whom he secretly had never been able to let go since their break up. He had always regarded their split to be one of unrequited love.

He tries to find ways to chat with Girl A without Girl B’s knowledge but it seems like she’s avoiding him.

To guys:
Come clean.

To girls:
Good guys are hard to find but good friends are even harder.

........................................................................................................................

So there, hopefully, by doing this, I’ll be sparing friends of love victims the agony of repeating their advices over and over again.

Anyway, a couple of updates:

Case 1: Guy snaps out of love blindness and finally displays signs of common sense.

Case 3: Guy and Girl are now in a relationship – yes, they realized that they’re meant for each other… finally, heh.

Note: the love victims were males

hearties on holiday

2009-07-22T22:51:00.010+08:00

No dates...
No stress...
No men...
Well, except for the polite men who graciously welcomed and greeted us like royalty :)

The hearties found time to escape to an undisclosed haven. It was amazing that despite little planning, everything fell into place and the hearties were all available those same days.

Good to know that we haven't lost our sense of spontaneity :)

Can't wait for our next stop, hearties.
Please grab your passports!

*Pls click on image to view in better resolution.

love advice from a man

2009-07-21T17:33:00.003+08:00

was surfing around and stumbled upon this on dailycandy.com. the lone male editor of this online mag answers some of the most frequently asked qns we ladies ask...

Q: Brains or beauty? Really?
A: Say the following sentence aloud:

I met a guy last night, and he is sooo hot!

Now say this one:

I met a guy last night, and he is sooo smart!

Which one sounds more accurate?

barren: hey, i'd swoon over a smart guy too! single ones are rare species y'know...

Q: How do I move on after a breakup in the least painful way?
A: I’m not saying you should fool around with a bunch of men, but if your mom were to call up and advise you to fool around with a bunch of men, I’d say listen to your mother.

barren: ok, my momma would never say that. but i always say, the best way to get over a man is in the arms of another. rebound does work in some cases!

Q: How early can you sleep with a guy without being considered a whore?
A: 6 a.m.

Q: My boyfriend said he would prefer that I dress sluttier. He didn’t go in to detail. What exactly does he mean?
A: Assuming your boyfriend doesn’t want you to dress like a hooker, I would guess that by “sluttier,” he means sexier. Meaning, the next time you try something on and think, “I’m too old to wear this,” that is exactly what he wants you to wear. The next time he takes you on a date, surprise him with a short skirt, low-cut top, and a thesaurus.

Q: What does it mean when a guy doesn’t call you the next day after you spend the night with him for the first time?
A: It can mean any number of things: that he lost your phone number, that he was in a tragic skiing accident, or that the experience of being with you was so emotionally overwhelming that he needs an entire 24 hours to compose himself. But usually it means he’s too busy carving a notch in his bedpost to get to the phone.

barren: lol! one of the major failings of us girls is that we give the guy too much credit!

Q: My boyfriend treats me well, includes me in everything, and is a great guy. But after one year of dating, he refuses to tell me he loves me. I am starting to feel very insecure.
A: The use of the L-bomb is entirely subjective.

barren: a totally guy answer. tsk tsk.

Q: Are men truly intimidated by smart, successful women, or is that just something unattractive girls tell themselves to make them feel better about being single?
A: Let’s just say that there aren’t that many smart, successful, really friggin’ hot women filling up the singles mixers.

Q: Why do guys say, “I’ll call you,” when they know they have no intention of ever calling? Why don’t they have the balls to just say, “Had fun, but I don’t think we should do this again”?
A: For the same reason you say it’s no big deal when your boyfriend says a skirt doesn’t look good on you, when in reality you die a little inside. It’s just easier that way. Do yourself a favor and, when a guy leaves after saying he’ll call, automatically assume he gets hit by a truck. That way if he calls you, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

barren: mental note: remember to assume my date is dead if he doesnt call.

Q: Why is it that guys act attentive and then suddenly, without reason, disappear and become totally unreachable?
A: Sounds like you’ve fallen for the oldest trick in the book – it’s called dating. For weeks on end a man will be very nice to you (dinners, movies, midpriced wine) until he realizes he doesn’t like you after all, at which point he will vanish. Either that, or you’ve been unknowingly dating international spies.

barren: lotsa james bond wannabes in my dating list...

Q: My boyfriend and I just broke up. I want to start dating again, but most of my friends are partnered up, and I don’t go out to the bars a ton anymore. Any suggestions?
A: Do what most guys do: Treat every possible destination (the grocery store, public transportation, elevators) as a place to find love. Soon you’ll be so fed up that bars will be fun again.

Q: My ex-boyfriend drunk texts me at 2 a.m. saying he wants to meet up for drinks to celebrate his birthday. The next day I reply saying, “Sure let me know when and where.” But then he replies that he’s still recovering from too much birthday celebration. What gives?
A: I stopped reading at “the next day,” and I’m assuming he did, too.

Q: Does putting out on the first date pretty much guarantee that the relationship will never be anything serious?
A: No, but it does guarantee that everyone had a good time.

Q: Should you keep in contact with an ex-boyfriend after he breaks up with you?
A: Do you keep in touch with old bosses after they fire you?

barren: i do! for both the ex AND the bosses. lol

Q: Why can’t I find Mr. Right? I’m a single, attractive physician who just turned 30, and I can’t even seem to find a date, let alone make a relationship work! What on earth am I doing wrong?
A: First of all, stop talking about Twilight. We don’t understand it, nor do we want to. Second, stop looking for Mr. Right and just settle for Mr. Good in Bed or Mr. Does My Taxes or Mr. Cooks Me Dinner. It’s not lowering your standards; it’s raising your limitations.

barren: mr cooks me dinner sounds like a great potential candidate...

what is that?

2009-07-14T11:30:00.005+08:00

Love is patience.

---------------------------------------------------------------

(Updated 26 July 09)

The above is a Greek short film made in 2007. I just discovered a Petronas advertisement for Hari Raya which bore the same storyline. It also dates back in 2007.

Interesting to watch the same story in different setting. (Advertisement is in Malay.)

the one who fell in love with my friend

2009-07-12T19:51:00.003+08:00

do you believe in serendipity?

I got to know mr y from irc (hey it WAS hot then, no judging!). As we got to talking, he found out I was from a certain polytechnic, and told me his cousin was studying there too. And it turned out that I did know her, although she's from a different course.

On our first date, as we were on the bus home, we made another discovery after asking each other which sec sch we came from. He asked me if I knew this girl, and it only turned out to be one of my good friends, who was my classmate for... oh, I dunno... all 4 years there? Then it hit me, as I recalled my friend telling us about her first love. Tadaa.... mr y! But that was eons ago, when they were both too young to love (I think).

Now at that time, I was close to this girl, ms e, and we'd talk to each other for hours, complain about boy problems (mainly hers) and entertain ourselves by teasing boys on irc. I told her about mr y and she was excited that I got to know a nice boy. Once, both of them were online and I think we got to group chatting. Or rather, I opened up a channel just for the 3 of us (it's not exactly msn) and introduced them both.

Ms e was a very outgoing and friendly girl... the kind who can talk and make friends with anyone. From the chat, I saw that they hit it off pretty well. Details are a bit fuzzy now (pls pardon me, this happened way back in poly before the millenium) but I think mr y's cousin was having a bbq party at east coast the next day. So on the channel, ms e and I were planning to meet first and get the present before heading to east coast. And for some reason, mr y offered to follow us to go orchard and suggested we make our way to the party together. I'm not that dense so I kinda sensed something there...

A sense of which came true when we all met the next day. I never believed in love at first sight, but I believe that's what happened to mr y that day, right before my eyes. It's kinda amazing how well they hit it off, both mildly flirting with each other, the way he was looking at her, totally enamored. I told myself, “He's hooked.”

And true enough, the day after the bbq, mr y called me and told me he's so into my friend. Duh! It really wasn't any surprise and honestly, I didnt even feel jealous or anything. I was young then and although mr y was a very, very nice guy, I wasnt that affected. Ok maybe just a little bit, but there was nothing going on with mr y and I in the first place anyway.

So they did hook up and got engaged a few years later. After another couple of years, they broke up for a year I think. But thankfully, they got back together and got married! I was invited of course, even though we lost contact for a long while. At the wedding dinner, the bride and groom were telling their guests about their love story, and they gave their special thanks to me for bringing them both together :) it was all very sweet until they called out my name to ask me to stage. Gah!

There I was in the back, willing myself to look invisible so they couldnt spot me. Lol! Well, I did say hello to them on my way in, so they KNEW I was there...

Bride: Ms barren, ms barren... please show yourself. I think we all want to see who's our matchmaker...
Groom: Tadi dia ade tau, mana dia eh? (She was just here, where is she now?)

It's sweet that they want to give due credit to moi but so embarrassing la! I made it up by showing up at the end to congratulate them...

Looking back, it's kinda funny how things turned out. But I'm glad I had a hand in bringing two people together :)

quote of the day

2009-07-11T00:39:00.013+08:00

how do you know he is a great guy?

he makes you feel good!
~ wondering heart

How's that for the quote of the day? It came to me like an epiphany. I thought it was brilliant (*grin... ego moment here). I ripped... err I was inspired by a quotation I spotted on a wall :)

It's true isn't it? A great guy would love you for who you are, flaws and all. He puts you at ease, motivates you and is always there for you. In short, he makes you feel good!

"I must bubble this," I thought to myself and snapped a photo of the original quotation (yes people, it's only right to cite your sources).

Then I realised that all around it were 'buaya' (crocodile) soft toys.

Suddenly it occurred to me that 'buayas' (playboys) too prey on unsuspecting girls by making them feel good, just to obtain what they want. With their own flirty ways and whispers of sweet nothings, the 'relationship' always come to nought, and the girls left feeling cheated.

Hmm not so great after all huh?

So it seems that my brilliant inspired quote has a loophole.

Damn!

bubblewrapped and bored

2009-07-07T10:39:00.002+08:00

random 1:

Bubblewrap my heart and keep it from harm’s way

May it repel any pokes, prods and unpleasantries

Cushioned in pockets of air, let no fall crack it

Enveloped in a plastic cocoon, where no sadness can reach it

A place of no warmth; where sunshine stifles

With no reprieve from the shackles

Of time lost and chances wasted.

Will there ever come a time

When there’s no need for this absolute protection

Imagine a day

The bubbles are popped one by one

Leaving the heart open, exposed, waiting to be filled again.

Such sweet, sweet release.

random 2:

Found a piece of bubblewrap in the store room and now popping it while surfing. Great stress-cum-boredom reliever

what’s your aura?

2009-07-02T16:57:00.002+08:00

I was walking past a group of male colleagues from a different department who were bantering amongst themselves when one of them turned to me and asked, “You’re married?”

I was stunned for a while at the sudden spring of question. I can’t remember what immediate thoughts came to mind but a couple of them were probably “Don’t I still look like a student?” and “Do I exude a married aura?” Haha.. but while I was stoned out from the lack of sleep that led to my delayed reaction, one young male colleague pointed to my hand.

I looked down and saw the ring gracing my right hand’s ring finger. “Haha… yea, I’m married to my mum,” I thought and looked at the other ring on my left hand… “and myself too”.

“Not yet,” I laughed in reply, only to regret later. Because I wasn’t there in the earlier part of their conversation, I had no clue what topic they were on. I’m not gonna delve into details, but let’s just say, with some guys (*gag), you’d rather leave them to believe you’re already taken or married just so that you’ll be left alone.

Anyway… it just reminded me of my friend who complained to me about being a swinging single but was always being mistaken as attached. Even after her last break up with her boyfriend, others always presumed she had already hooked up with someone else, although her social life was only just packed with catching up with her girlfriends over coffee and cakes.

Or another friend who laments about always being dismissed as unavailable just because… well, reasons unknown. She wondered, is it her dressing? Her looks? Her attitude?

A guy friend said that with some attractive girls, he wouldn’t be surprised to find out that they’re attached. In fact, he admits sheepishly that he would instinctively presume that they’re already “reserved” and are “untouchable”.
More often than not, the presumption would lead to a dismissal of any show of interest.

And when he finally befriends a particular girl and discovers that she is unattached, he’ll think of it as a case that’s “Too good to be true”.

I don’t know if he represents the majority in men. I have always had the impression that men would try their luck anyway and would only back off only if they had confirmed that the girl is unavailable or blatantly uninterested in them.

We stereotype, we presume, we judge – it’s human nature. How often have we girls been guilty of saying the infamous line “All good men are either attached or married”?

Isn’t it a curious thing how people presume what they presumed about you?

It depends on your aura, I tell you… like what sort of vibe you emanate or airs you possess.

There are obviously pros and cons to having a contradictory aura. While a single girl can use her mistaken ‘identity’ or ‘aura’ to her advantage to easily avoid unnecessary advances from undesired men, unfortunately, that would also mean that she would also be crossed out from the lists of eligible single men.

Can one's aura be changed then?

Anyway for me, it appears that I have a range of auras from single to lesbian to married.

So what’s your aura?

travel together...

2009-06-29T11:04:00.001+08:00

It was a nice sultry morning and it was during a tea break outside class when I saw a small middle-eastern looking family consisting of husband and wife and 2 young kids. The wife was carrying a lonely planet guidebook in one hand while carrying her toddler daughter. Another kid, a boy, probably 5 years old was carrying a medium sized Spiderman haversack and trawling behind his mom. As for the husband, he was pulling a really huge hard shell-type of suitcase. They entered the popular backpackers’ i.e. Sleepy Sam’s but came out soon after. I guess there were no rooms. Sleepy Sam is always packed with travellers. It’s located at such a nice area, it’s no wonder why it’s so popular. The family then left and walked on.

A family that travels together stays together!

It was such a wonderful sight of family togetherness that, instantly, I felt inspired...when oh when?

They say love hides in corners. Then, I must be walking in circles...

the one who had little to say

2009-06-28T18:41:00.004+08:00

I should have thought things through before I gave that little teaser at the end of my last entry.

What can I possibly say about a date who doesnt talk much right?

But anyways.

I got to know mr n last year. We started off conversing over the sms and met up a few times before. It's sort of a matchmake thingy by my family so I just gave it a shot for the sake of the other people involved in this.

The problem every time we meet is this...”cricket...cricket...” (sound efx courtesy of plastered heart).

At first I thought it was merely because we just got to know each other. But the last date I had with him a few weeks ago, which was the 4th, was really not much different from the 1st one.

The first time we met was for dinner after work, at this eating place both of us had always wanted to go. I ended work at 6, made my way down and reached there at 7 and I was home by.... 8.30. I told my mom that I wasn't coming home for dinner and SHE was surprised to see me back so early cos usually my dinner with friends will last until at least 9ish or 10.

During dinner, we tried to keep the conversation going... it usually revolved around work. Other topics surfaced but none were engaging... I really didn't remember much of it. You know how a typical dinner date will be followed by maybe drinks or coffee somewhere else but how could I suggest it when we were barely talking over dinner. It's not like we had so much to talk about to each other that we had to go elsewhere. So yeah, I was sent straight home (and it's not like HE suggested it either).

Dates two and three were slightly better (lasted more than 2 hours), but in terms of er.. quality of talk time, it was still so-so. After that, there was a long hiatus when he didnt ask me out, so I was relieved (at least I could tell my mom that HE stopped calling me mah).

But he did ask me out again for a movie recently. So how did it go? I really enjoyed it... the movie, that is. The show ended at about 4.30pm, still early right? So I thought we'd go for a meal at least. I was starving but when I asked him if he was hungry, he replied, “actually i'm not hungry.... but if you wanna eat, I can accompany you la.”

ok granted, he did offer to eat with me but so weird right? What is he gonna do while I eat? Twiddle his thumbs? We got nothing to say to each other! So I said it's ok, i'll eat at home. After that we basically just walked around the whole mall, without really shopping or window shopping. I was waiting for him to say something about where to go next or at least say that we should go off now, but he didnt! When we reached the spot where we first started walking from, I couldnt stand it anymore and just told him “Where you wanna go now? If you have nowhere in mind, just go home ah.”

Even though dates with mr n were very short, I always feel drained out. I think it's coz I have to think so hard of the next topic to talk about... have you guys ever done that before? It's tiring! Plus, I have to keep a polite smile or at least, try to not look too bored. That also sapped my energy...

As much as I want to give this a shot, and as much as my parents want this to work out, it's really futile. What's this talk about ppl getting better after they get married and will open up more then? At the current rate we're going, it's a huge risk that i'd be taking, by hoping that he would be a different person.

Maybe he's one of those guys who really don't know how to express themselves with words. But even if I accept the fact that he's not a very vocal person, I dont know how to work around it and build a relationship out of this. If there's some initial attraction or common grounds to start with, maybe it's possible. But this, like a friend said, is like fitting a circle into a square. It wont work.

I decided after I got home that day that I'm not going to waste time (mine and his) on this anymore. If he ever asks me out again, i'll have to say no. and if my parents ask about my progress with him, i'm going to have to tell them I cant do this anymore.

Wish me luck, hearties.

love without talking

2009-06-25T10:45:00.002+08:00

to watch the video, click here.

the first man in my life

2009-06-21T23:30:00.015+08:00

If there were any truth to my friends’ comments that I sometimes think like a man, I only have one person to attribute it to – my dad.

I love my dad. I honestly do. But I’m also declaring this cos I’m certain he can’t read this. Gosh, if he could, I know he’d be reacting awkwardly and uncomfortably, and so would I.

Dad is really one tough shell that’s hard to crack, but when you do (after a lot of patience), you’ll be surprised to discover tenderness and warmth.

In fact, his act of love is sometimes beyond the ordinary. This was the man who loves children but did not even carry any of his own when they were babies cos he didn't want them to be too emotionally attached to him. All because he truly believed back then that he would die young.

There was a time when I would always become the mediator between him and Mum. I was told that he harbours a soft spot for me. I don’t know why… perhaps he somehow could see himself in me (albeit a much diluted version heh).

In turn, as I grew up and learnt more about Dad, I saw in him, the same characteristics I would love to see in my own man.

Dad had always been some sort of a rebel since his youth. Based on his early corporate days, I can’t decide if he was popular or notorious. His confidence hardly wavers when he’s stating his opinions, even in the face of those older than he is. It amazes me that he can be defiant yet respectful towards elderly.

He is smart and cunning (in a positive way, of course, lol), capable at making things fall into place. He always enjoys a good debate and exchange of ideas. And he is principled, unafraid to stand up for his family and what he believes in.

I love his creativity and rationality, how he’s objective and focused in solving a problem either through his own devised strategies or based on sound investigation. I must add, though that he’s been showing more of his emotional side in recent years.

He knows what he wants and how to get it. In the old days Mum had no lack of suitors and when Dad heard that someone was going to propose to her, he swiftly asked for her hand in marriage days earlier. Haha what a hoot! I imagined it must've been romantic.

But I must confess that though I would love to see comparable qualities in my own man… I know those same qualities come with unfavourable “side effects”.

Dad’s confidence is flanked with ego, chauvinism and impatience I could never fathom.

I’ve never told anyone this. But one memory that I had since I was a child is so vivid that I suspect it had a profound effect on me.

I was young and hardly ever saw my parents in the days and nights. Sometimes I’d stay up really late just to have a glimpse of their faces. Other times when I’d succumb to sleep, I’d wake up real early just so I could catch them before they left home.

But one time, I woke up to hear Dad’s loud booming voice. Mum was equally loud and defiant. My parents were quarrelling in their room and it certainly was not pleasant to a young child.

And I think maybe… just maybe… a voice inside my head whispered to me… “I don’t want an angry man.”

That was a conclusion of six-year-old me.

Now, at twenty-seven, I have learnt to view things in a different perspective in an effort to see the bigger picture cos a good relationship is not unlike a jigsaw puzzle where two very different pieces fit perfectly together.

Instead of wondering half the time how Mum could tolerate Dad's temper, I started to observe... and I discovered that similarities need not necessarily give couples common ground cos they brought my parents clashes as much as differences did. Instead of worrying if they were ever gonna split up, I looked at how the marriage had lasted. I'm happy to say that while my parents still quarrel like any other couple, it was never in the same way again, thank goodness.

The adult me has observed that a lot of times we are so certain about the qualities we do or do not want to see in a partner that we forget to envision how the same qualities can make us stronger or weaker as a person.

So a tip I gathered... before we can find a partner that best compliment our own qualities, we’ve got to understand ourselves well first.

And so the first man in my life has taught me a lot of things.

Happy Dads' Day :)

man's biggest secret

2009-06-15T12:08:00.013+08:00

Recently, I was enlightened by the discovery of a little known fact. Someone told me that from reading this blog, he realised that men’s dating experiences and thought processes are not much different from us girls’.

I find it hard to believe, but there you have it, coming straight from the (male) horse’s mouth.

"The fact is that we men are less reluctant to express ourselves… but still feel the same emotions as any other woman. They do think much of things. Just tat they don’t show it. I guess tats how men are being built."

So there you go folks. Man’s biggest secret: They are just like us. Maybe they do post-mortem on their dates. Maybe they are just as insecure about us as we are about them. And they find us hard to decipher.

But the difference is this – even though they think like us, they don’t act the same. They are not likely to express what they’re thinking, or discuss their dates with their mates or jot them down in a public space like this :)

To me, this is one of the most frustrating attributes of the male species. Why can’t they express themselves more? Or say what they feel? I’ve always felt that honesty is the way to go to make any relationship work. So how will it work when one party doesn’t say what’s going on in their heads?

This was one of the main causes of many recurring fights I had with my partner before. We can’t possibly live like that all our lives can we? It’s not healthy when such genetic differences get in the way of a relationship.

I lamented on how guys seem more attentive and are more likely to share their emotions when they first get to know us girls. After the courtship is over, they tend to get lazy and not be as expressive as the first few months.

His take on men being less attentive after courtship is this… the concept of love in a man is very simple. Man loves woman and decides to be with her. To a man...that’s the ultimate declaration of his love. He doesn’t have to express anything else after that.

Ok. That’s discovery no. 2 for me. So since we can’t change the way the male brain works (and god knows how hard we’ve tried), what to do?

His solution is that each gender must understand the psyche of one another. It’s not just about fitting the bill or finding the perfect partner. It’s the ability to be comfortable with each other's psyche… It’s a feeling, not an action.

I guess that’s compromise at the very top level. Whoever you end up with, you have to understand that guys are built differently from us. But I think it’s much easier to compromise if you’re with someone you love in the 1^st place. If not, it’s going to be the hardest relationship ever.

I think the underlying lesson my companion was telling me was this:

There is no point in blaming or finding fault in all the men that we dated, coz ultimately, men are built differently.

Perhaps the reason I’m still single and searching is because of my mindset.

I could either wait (possibly a long, long one) for the right kind of guy to come along. Or I could have a mindset change, a paradigm shift, or perception management, if you can call it that.

Once I accept the fact that very few men are going to pour out their heart and soul to me, maybe it’ll be easier to be with a man of very few words.

We’ll see about that. Stay tuned for updates of my date with The One Who Had Little to Say.

p/s: thanks to the guy with whom i had this interesting conversation with. but if i had misrepresented what you said in any way or left anything out, please feel free to make it right :)

juice spreader

2009-06-08T17:55:00.008+08:00

The other day I received an sms from a close relative. She was asking me about a recent unfortunate event with regards to my love life. She was concerned about my well being of course, but I was too stunned to feel the slightest appreciation.

How the hell did she know? It was something very personal to me. Although it wasn't something wrongly committed by me, it was something private I had been guarding fiercely and only managed to share with a few of my very close friends.

How the hell did she know? I felt so exposed.

My mind whirled, tracing and mapping the links. I was so pissed! I had been so careful in controlling and containing the secret and pain but it slipped my mind that I was not and could not oversee the other party’s management of the event that had taken place.

It didn’t take me long to identify the source, the common place. Horror hits me when I realised I had also roped in a business associate to use the services of the same place. And that business associate is close to another friend of mine who’s not exactly the best guardian of secrets.

Shoot.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised if the rest in the clique knows about it too.

Was that why they were wondering how "I've been doing" more frequently?

Was that why they had then ‘considerately’ left me out of certain sensitive topics at our last gathering? Honestly, I was relieved at the time, but was that because they knew?

Sigh... I swear if the H1N1 could spread like any juicy news or rumour, the human race would be defeated.

infatuated

2009-06-04T17:21:00.005+08:00

whenever i walked into a room, my eyes will unconsciously scan around for the object of my affection. and somehow, it usually only takes 2 seconds to zoom in on him. i find it amazing how i can spot him from the corner of my eyes even in a room crammed with people.

sometimes, all i needed to do was look up and there he was. just the sight of him was enough to cool my heart. some moments, our eyes met and... *melts*

this time, it lasted all of 5 days. after that, i was done with my infatuation and i lost interest.

infatuation. talk about cheap and fast thrills. :)

out

2009-05-28T20:55:00.006+08:00

Plastered heart's out of sight...
Barren heart's out of town...
The only thing I'm out of is the office.

I've been on m.c. And boy do I want the stupid virus out of my system...
I'm feeling blue, restless, emotional and just bored out of my mind.

Flu + PMS sure is a potent mix.

And why can't guys have sore balls every month?

no miracle cure

2009-05-24T09:40:00.004+08:00

Which girl doesn't dream of the perfect wedding? The perfect dress. The perfect ring. The perfect man.

Sometimes the idea of a wedding is so enticing that we lose focus. All we want is the perfect wedding, when really, shouldn't we work towards the perfect marriage instead?

Before you plan your wedding, shouldn't you make sure you're with the right person first? What happened to making sure he's The One? And shouldn't we ask ourselves if we are mentally ready to take the next step? It's a marriage, not playing house with your boyfriend. Are we so wedding-oriented that we would just grab the guy next to us and make him sign on the dotted line with us?

No, this isn't about me again. I'm just perplexed by what I observed so far. I know people who'd do whatever it takes just to get married, to the point of deluding themselves.

Example: Couple A have been together for 5 years. As with most couples, they bicker, they have problems. But since they've come this far, they're not seeing anyone else or meeting anyone new and the whole world knows them as “Couple A”, they take the next step. Get married. It seems like the natural progression huh? But the truth is, there are still many kinks to iron out, many issues remain unresolved. There are things they hate about each other, but deep inside, they tell themselves, “It'll get better once we're married.”

Will it?

After that, the madness of planning the wedding starts. This process can be arduous and straining to the relationship (or so I've been told) and couples have been known to break up and call off the wedding in the planning stage. I'd say good for them. Better than after you say your vows right?

For those who do get through the wedding, they'll face the next challenge ahead: the rest of their lives together. The first few months of honeymoon period will be bliss for sure, when you are settling into life as one. After the perfect wedding, this is what you've always been waiting for. Coming home to your loved one, cooking for your husband, basking in your new found status as “husband and wife”.

And when you think all is well, something happens. You realise, the guy you married is still the same as before. With the same quirks and flaws that seem to be exponentially blown up now that you're living under the same roof.

Nothing really has changed. Reality bites. And marriage is no miracle cure.

Some people fight to work things out, which is admirable and well, isn't that what marriage is all about? Other aren't so lucky. The cracks that appeared during their courtship had escalated to a gaping hole between them; one that's beyond repair, impossible to ignore and now you KNOW won't just “get better.” These are the ones who end up in divorce a couple of years after tying the knot.

Sad isn't it? All that trouble, money spent on the grand wedding, only to come to naught.

I, for one, have been dreaming of that white wedding for the longest time. But I hope, if my time does come, that I don't lose sight of it all and will try my best to plan my marriage instead of just my wedding.

L-O-V-E

2009-05-20T13:27:00.002+08:00

When love is involved, which should you follow, your mind or your heart? Which one should rule? Or should it be synergised? Why is love also known as “matters of the heart”? Why is it that when love is involved, the mind becomes blinded? I think love is just unexplainable. Maybe this is why the very same love that could make you very happy could also make you miserable. I’m not just talking about feelings of love for another person, but it could also perhaps love of other things i.e. maybe bags etc but then that should be in a shopaholic themed blog. Just a random thought of mine...

nothing compares

2009-05-18T22:24:00.004+08:00

A friend asked me the other day, “How can I compete with my boyfriend’s exes?”
I really would’ve replied, “Do you really have to because, they wouldn’t have ended up being exes now, would they?”

But I didn’t cos I suppose it’s a valid question. Her new beau had quite a few partners before. And it’s natural to want to know how we measure up in the eyes of someone who’s been dating a lot or has been in multiple relationships. I mean it would really suck to believe all this while that you’re good at something or bringing something positive to the relationship only to learn that his ex was way better than you at it. What better way to feel confident, huh?

I don’t remember how I answered her. But I remember this – once I asked a friend how many girlfriends he had. His answer… “It doesn’t matter because only one girl mattered.”

Oh, I wonder if that girl knew she had such a strong hold on him still... Which leads me to the question – what makes us drawn to a particular person?

There’s no definite answer of course, everyone is different in personality and character and definitely has different tastes. But seriously, have you ever wondered - of all the persons you’ve ever had a crush on, or dated or loved, who mattered to you most? Why?

Why is that one person so special to you…

That you would kick yourself for all the things you did or did not do…

That you wished you didn't let go...

That you can never ever forget…

That you never found anyone else who came close...

I gave it some thought and decided that if that same friend asked me the same question again (which is highly probable, as she has a habit of repeating herself), I would tell her (or anyone who wondered the same thing as she did) this:

It’s human nature to compare. But instead of comparing yourself to someone’s exes, try measuring yourself up against him/her. Think of all the wonderful things he/she has done/ given to you; can you honestly say that you’d have brought equal, if not more positivity into his/her life?

How would YOU fare against him/her?

Cos really, I think that’s the only comparison that ever matters.

With that, let me leave you with this lovely song:

the one about the crush (part iii)

2009-05-14T08:57:00.000+08:00

contributed by one of our readers, random heart.

M and I exchanged numbers in one of our chats. But we never progressed to chatting on the phone. If I remember correctly, he called once on the pretext that his University mate was looking for a tutor for the cousin or something and he had passed on his phone to his friend and I had passed my phone to my friend. Very silly right? LOL

We only SMSed Hari Raya and birthday wishes.

When M entered University, he was so preoccupied with his new routine that I rarely saw him on msn. Our usual chats died down and the only thing that kept our virtual friendship going were occasional emails. Each time I decided that it’s time to forget M, he’d pop back into my life.

Meanwhile, I was an avid blogger on Multiply and each time I blogged about something, he’d receive a copy of my entry. The beauty of Multiply allowed me to know who read my entry and when. But of course the person had to choose to open the email in the first place.

I realized then, that he’d pass on boring titles like "My day at work" and go for titles like "My Date with..." So I couldn’t help but adopt attention-grabbing titles. He was the first to read my entry grousing about my granny (the title had sounded like I was chiding a love interest).

Through that avenue, he managed to find out my birthday. He was 4 days too late but sent an SMS anyway:

M: Happy belated birthday! How, lots of presents? For me I never get any in fact have to give presents on my birthday.

I was pleasantly surprised to get that SMS, quite unexpected because our contact with each other had been sporadic lately.

Anyway being cheeky, I sent a reply:

Me: That’s all? No presents?

He: Yes, there is… A little prayer that you’ll be happy always, dunia & akhirat. (english: in this lifetime and afterlife)

Awwww! Do you guys get how I feel? These are exactly the kind of things that makes me fall deeper and deeper!

By this time, he had completed his degree and was scheduled to train in another country for 2 years.

At that time, he was already drawing his paycheck from his job training. Funnily he liked to withdraw his money at the ATM near my block even though there is one in the one of that central place near his block. And how did I know that? Because I get weird SMSes from him like: Eh still so early how come your kitchen light is on? Langsir dapur lawa sey. (english: Nice kitchen curtains)

How did he know which unit I lived in? I suspected that he had probably had checked it out when he was serving NS at the NPC right about the same time I shifted house. Yea, this naïve girl had disclosed her name then.

Anyway, after he landed a high flying job, our contacts had been very minimal. I no longer have his number after he had gone off to another country to do his training. MSN was our only mode of communication.

It dwindled from occasional chats to just a few liners.

And even when he returned back to Singapore, it seemed that his status on MSN is always OUT FOR LUNCH. Cannot be always out for lunch right?

And after reading Mr Greg Behrendt’s “He’s just not into you” self-help book… Well that’s probably what it was all about - He just wasn’t that into me.

Because let’s face it, he had every chance of asking me out if he wanted to. He can’t be that thick not to know that I have crush on him - after all he’s very intelligent.

So there I had my closure. It had always been a one-sided thing. I had a humongous crush on him but that’s about it.

Up till now I still have not deleted him from my contacts. It’s just a constant reminder of my memories with my dear VERY VIRTUAL friend/crush.

Well nevertheless I hope he is happy always and of course having memories like this is part of the growing up process.

And that my dear hearties, is my story.

I didn’t promise a happy ending now did I?

the one about the crush (part ii)

2009-05-11T14:39:00.008+08:00

contributed by one of our readers, random heart.

(Actually I forgot to mention, M was able to pinpoint who I was from his patrol rounds was because it was not very common for someone in my area to go to the JC that I was schooling in. It is also mainly due to distance.)

M wasn’t exactly the pin-up guy that I’d drool over but certainly was pleasant looking. Being a ChiLay (mixed ah tu, of course not Chili and Olay LOL), he’s fair skinned. I’m partial to guys who are fair-skinned. But looks wasn't exactly the issue here.

(In response to wondering heart’s comment earlier about him sounding like a sincere guy as he still talked to me after knowing how I looked like… well that’s what attracted me in the first place. I had developed such a huge crush on him without realising.)

We continued chatting because looks wasn’t an issue for me and it seemed, not for him too. But hey, I might have weights issue but I’m gorgeous, lol! He is an interesting character – witty and funny. He was also religious and would advise me when I was whining sometimes. He even offered to lend me a “buku persiapan Umrah” (book on the preparations for Umrah) when he found out that I would be going for my Umrah trip (stupidly I had declined because firstly, I was stupid and secondly, because I had my own guidebook).

Anyway, in my own way, I tested to see if he’d agree to teach my brother tuition for Math. He was a Science student and judging from his Alma Mater, his Math must have been excellent. Apparently, he was in two minds about it… I even told my mom about this friend of mine when my mom was looking for a tutor for my brother. He didn’t take up the offer, though.

But one day, a fire broke out at the flat behind mine… and guess who was on duty that day? M was there in full view, cordoning the area off! He was facing my kitchen so I even called my mom to look. LOL!

So when we were having our normal chat on ICQ…
M: Were you at home last Thursday?
Me: I was out for registering myself at the school.
M: Can’t be out the whole day right?
Me: Oooh…no…in fact I managed to catch the drama unfolding behind my block. There was a fire. Policemen were activated. So many police cars, so many policemen! Some policemen were talking to reporter…and one particular one was cordoning off an area!
M: !!!

I realized then, that M was a shy guy. In fact a senior whom he was acquainted with, whom I sometimes chatted with, also said he was so. Anyway since my mommy knows what he looks like, she saw him when she was buying breakfast one day.

She told me and I asked him… “eh you went that someplace someplace to buy breakfast eh?”
M: Eh how come you never come over and say hi?
Me: I wasn’t even there lorr. I was in Botanical Garden on a field trip. (This is of course the truth)
M: Then how did you know?
Me: My mom saw you.
M: What? Oh no cover blown!
Me: Cover blown over so long already.
M: !!!

In fact, it was always my mom who saw him. And for a few times too! It was like Chinese movie “Turn Left, Turn Right”. There was two occasions that this was so:

1st occasion:
I was supposed to wait for my mom and my sis at an LRT stop. I had alighted at another stop (near his place) and when I called my mom to confirm the meeting point, I walked over to the correct stop. When my mom appeared, she told me: Eh we saw your ‘friend’, he was on the same train as us.

Imagine, if I had stayed at that stop, I might have probably met him there and then!

2nd occasion:
My family had planned a 2nd Umrah trip in 2005. Due to my insistence, because of work-related reasons, the dates were changed from the 2nd of June to a week later. And because of that… I had missed on being on the SAME flight and SAME hotel with M who was doing his Umrah then too. How much coincidence can it get? I got rather embarrassed about this but there and then I had prayed to God to give me a sign. If he was not the one for me, please let me forget about him and have him far away from my mind.

But guess what, just minutes before I was about to leave Mecca, I received an SMS: “Where are you?”

No prizes for guessing who sent it.

To be continued…

the one who was my best friend (part deux)

2009-05-09T23:38:00.000+08:00

mr a was my first love. The best part about being with your best friend was that communication was always open and I could always count on him to be honest. But with the good, came the bad.

Since we started out as friends, we knew each other inside out. Unfortunately, that turned out to be a double-edged sword. Coz that meant you knew his flaws as well. So much so that you’d assume a lot… and that created a lot of problems. Same with being too honest. While it’s healthy to some point, sometimes the brutal truth can hurt.

He spoilt me silly initially, maybe coz it was my first relationship. But soon after, I began to take him for granted and more problems arose. I won’t go into the gory details of our relationship, but it ended with him falling for one of his colleagues.

It was messy; it was dramatic when I found out. But looking back, I cant blame him for everything. Ok, the cheating was his fault but he wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t take him for granted in the first place. I was a very difficult gf when we came into the 4th year of the relationship. After the anger has subsided, the dust has settled and you reflect on what went wrong, I came to realise that it took both hands for the break-up to happen. And in all fairness to him, he was a good boyfriend (except towards the last couple of months). I'm not sticking up for him but hey, it's a matter of fact. My family loved him, I got along fine with his parents... there were really no major obstacles to the relationship...

I know a lot of my friends still refer to him as the jerk who dumped me but even so, he’s still one of the best friends I ever had. Even after such a bad ending to us, I can still hang out with him and talk to him as a friend, coz that was what we started out as.

Most people are perplexed that I can be so nice to him after what happened but a friend is a friend.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t nice to him at all right after the break. It WAS a very bad ending. But to let go of all that we had before… it just doesn’t make sense. I think we stuck to what we agreed to years ago, that no argument was big enough to end our friendship, not even a break-up. What did end it all was his marriage last year. It was only then we stopped contacting each other.

That chapter is all over and done with now, but I can safely say that I have no regrets even if it didn’t end with a happily ever after. I had good times with mr a, and like some of you said, I do feel lucky to have experienced a love like that at least once in my lifetime.

the end :)

the one about the crush

2009-05-08T10:14:00.007+08:00

contributed by one of our readers, random heart.

Now how do I start?

Let’s just say I was a net addict right from the start… after all towards the new millennium (at that time), Internet was the rage. Even with dial-up internet connection back then, it was really very addictive. I got withdrawal symptoms just by not using the net for a day. That was how bad it was.

mIRC was really the rage then. A/S/L was at the tip of my fingertips. It was fun… to able to hide behind anonymity, talking to many different people… sharing views… getting to know people.

Anyway, what started was… I was with my aunt who wanted to know what IRC was all about. So she sat beside me while I went through the motion. I told her that when a particular nick was highlighted, it meant someone wanted to talk to me. What I didn’t know was, on that same lazy afternoon, I would get to know someone whom I would eventually develop a huge crush on.

Anyway, he (M) seemed to be an uninteresting person at first. But as we chatted more and more, I got more and more interested. Finally, before we ended our chat, we exchanged emails.

What I had uncovered based on that chat was that he was undergoing NS police at that time, was from a different JC but that we basically lived in the same precinct.

I was 17 at that time, naïve, thinking that I could hide behind this anonymous mask that I’ve projected in this virtual world. Of course, despite my naivety, I still had some common sense to not give my full name and number. (but anyway, where got luxury like now - I got my first hdp when I was 20? LOL)

First on IRC, then on ICQ (the consistent eh oh sounds of yesteryears)… I really can’t remember how we switched to ICQ - probably the email bit… but we chatted quite frequently…. I had so much fun talking to him. We’d spent hours online - More so on weekends where I could stay up till 2a.m. sometimes.

So you see throughout my senior year in JC, where I should have paid more attention in my studies, I’ve spent my time on the internet - internet junkie mah… most of the time talking to this policeman conscript (lol).

Turning point came one day... a few months after my A’s. I was waiting for my results then. Bumming around at home, giving tuition to cousins - my father didn’t let me find a job while waiting for results so I had to abide Daddy’s word. Anyway, I was chatting as per normal with M when the conversation went something like this:

M: So you don’t go out?
Me: I don’t like to go out. (I should have kicked myself here LOL)
M: Why you don’t like to go out?

Readers…I was really in a crazy mood so I went:

Me: Coz people stare…

(Let me explain… to be honest, I was not confident of myself so I always criticized myself. I’m my worst critic… and I had issues with my weights… in essence that staring part was basically my feeling unsure about myself)

M: Why do people stare? Is it because you are plump, with short curly hair and fair?

I almost fell off my seat! IT WAS SPOT ON… but how the hell did he know?
Flustered…I answered back.

Me: Hey are you stalking me?
M: I just happened to patrol in your area and saw this JC girl wearing the JC uniform.

I asked for his photo but he refused to share it with me.

After that chat, the next day I realized something…

Then was in Apr, so it had been 6 freaking months since I donned that uniform. I got really freaked out I tell you… but that still did not deter me from talking to him. I tried many sorts of ways… finally he relented and sent me his photo.

To be continued…

ps: Ok I've decided to send u the first installment of my story. Will continue after Barren Heart finishes hers. LOL.

the one who was my best friend

2009-05-04T17:30:00.003+08:00

2009 marks 10 years of my friendship with mr a. It all started a decade ago, from just one chat on mirc (yes, if you recall, it was all the rage then). Normally, I don’t give out my number to chatters on IRC. But as we chatted, I found that he’s actually a friend of my poly mate. Somewhat comforted by this close degree of separation, we exchanged numbers.

On our first phone call, I remembered being wary of him and was acting rather cool. But even so, there was hardly any awkward moment coz he was easy-going and eloquent, always with something to say but without sounding pompous. He had a way of drawing people out from their shells and soon enough, I warmed up to him. From one call, it progressed to daily calls, sometimes a few times a day. Each call would last at least 1 hour, sometimes 2. Our record was an ear-burning 4 hour marathon. Funnily, in those hours, we never felt tired and it never ceased to amaze even ourselves what we talked about. It was really about everything and nothing… complaining about our siblings, telling each other how our days went, his never-ending girl problems, NS woes and even toilet habits!

Soon it was almost impossible to go a day without talking to each other. Whenever I had a bad day or saw something on TV that made me laugh, he would be the person I’d think of to share it with. He turned to me when he had a crush on someone or broke up with a girl or when his bike broke down in the middle of the road. In short, we told each other everything.

The weirdest part was, we reached that point in our friendship 2 years after that first chat but we had never seen each other. Not one meeting. Yeap, he was my invisible best friend. My confidante without a face. He was practically a stranger and yet, I never felt so at ease with anyone else. On my part, perhaps it was BECAUSE we had not met each other, that’s why I opened up the way I did.

As friends, we loved each other. A friendship not based on looks, money, status or material things but from sharing of experiences and inner most secrets.

All throughout this phase, we only fought once. I can’t remember what it was about but it resulted in us staying on the line for 15 minutes without saying a word, both fuming but refusing to hang up first. 1 week of not talking to each other. But he called me eventually, saying that it’s too weird not talking to me for so long. I admitted that I missed our conversations too and we decided then that no argument will be too big to end our friendship.

We did meet up eventually of course, after almost 3 years of being friends. It wasn’t even a date, we just met up to study together near my place. Even though I was looking pretty hideous with my unruly hair and thick specs, and him with his bloody blue-tinted glasses, how we looked did nothing to diminish what we had, which really was something :)

The turning point of our friendship was when he entered into university. With new friends and a busier social life, he became more preoccupied. Each call would always be about his new found friends, and how he was having so much fun. From there, I felt different. I didn’t know what it was then coz the emotion was something I never felt before, but I was jealous. I felt like he was starting over a new life but without me in it and I felt crappy about it.

Now, I never had any kind of close friendship with a boy at that time. He was my first close guy friend. And I’ve always prided myself as someone who was independent, I was perfectly happy being single and I didn’t feel any need to get attached. So at that time, I surprised myself by being so affected by all these changes happening to him. It dawned on me that maybe he doesn’t need me after all. And another thought came crashing after that. The reason I was jealous was because I was dependent on him.

It was more than I could take. I did NOT want to depend on someone else to feel happy. I was happy on my own. All these years, without me realising, I had opened up myself too much and now I was in trouble. I decided then that I had to ‘break up’ my friendship with him to stop myself from getting any deeper.

When I dropped the bomb on him, he was stunned. In all fairness, things were going great and I never mentioned my insecurities to him. I told him my reasons for doing this. Even though we’re close and we care deeply for each other, he was after all just a friend. Not my boyfriend. I can’t possibly rely on him all my life coz eventually we’re going to hook up with other people.

He panicked and didn’t understand why I needed to leave him. He then began his big speech… on how the chemistry between us was so amazing, how we clicked so well, and how we always ‘get’ each other, and that it’s weird to be with someone else. He asked me, what if we got married to other people? Wouldn’t it be wrong knowing that the only person we can confide in wasn’t our partners, but in each other?

It was then, we both realised, that we can’t just be friends. After 3 years of friendship, we had come to love each other so much that it seemed silly to not take the next step. And the only natural step to take was forward… into a relationship together.

Thus began, my relationship with my best friend.

tbc...

thin lines

2009-05-03T11:38:00.011+08:00

There is always a thin line that divides our emotions, our actions and intent. Most things aren't as clear cut as you'd like them to be. More often than not, we're in this limbo called the grey area.

Between friendship and love. Love and hate. Right and wrong.

I'm loving this series by Susan Anderson.

More here.

mark-chicks

2009-04-26T17:33:00.003+08:00

I stuck my head out my room door to see what the din in my living room was all about...

I was totally unprepared for the sight that greeted me.

Rows of makciks (malay aunties) were sitting on the floor. Who were they? I wondered, not recognising any one of them from my restricted view. And just as I decided to check on my appearance before I went out properly to greet them, a few pairs of eyes turned to me.

Spotted, I smiled. Okay… no chance to turn back now… I walked towards the ones sitting nearest to my room and then I realized… there were so many of them… probably twenty. Even the furniture was pushed to the side of the wall just to make room for them.

It was intimidating.

Despite their smiles, their eyes betrayed their analytical if not critical thoughts. Some nodded as though in approval of my manners and dressing. The rest observed me closely as I salam-ed every makcik and was systematically making my way towards them.

The dreaded questions hung heavily in the air…

“Is she single?”
“ How old is she?”
“What is she doing now?”

Urgh! I felt like an unwilling female contestant being graded by these “mark-chicks” in some reality game show.

* mark-chicks - malay makciks whose second nature is to mark the qualities in "anak daras" (single ladies)

confessions of a metro man

2009-04-22T11:02:00.000+08:00

my interview with the metrosexual man (MetroMan).

a little background info... MetroMan enjoys the company of the fairer sex, he enjoys making them comfy. But MetroMan has a dark secret. He's selfish and can't bring himself to commit for fear of becoming like the "bapak-bapak" types such as his frens who got hitched.

Metroman's weakness is the hot model type woman; his diction goes weak in their presence and is reduced to what i think is akin to the Caveman. He mumbles & grunts. I've seen myself a few of these specimen that MetroMan is attracted to. ok la. Gruntworthy.

When he goes on dates, MetroMan is polite to no end, even if he finds that they talk too much, are too short or too boring. The ladies will ask for seconds, but MetroMan always has some reason... usually very believable but made-up and delivered in a politically-correct and gentlemanly way, always, of course.

A summary of what MetroMan wants?

Manicured & mischievious, organised & outgoing, sassy & smart, and HOT. His M.O.S.H rule.

Well, if this is what most metro men go for, no wonder i'm still single.

the one who was too atas

2009-04-18T08:30:00.002+08:00

Have you ever went out with someone who made you feel inferior? Not someone who looks down on you or talks in a condescending way. But someone who’s just so way up there that you feel… little.

This guy I got to know was just like that. His profile was what made me reply to his msg to me. In less than 50 words, he came off as a witty, smart and yet unassuming kinda guy.

After a few exchanges online and over sms, we agreed to meet. He’s really cute in person, just the right height (haha) and he picked me up in his swanky continental car. Not what I expected at all. As we were talking, I got to know more about him…his high-flying post at a big company, his hobbies, in which I saw just how freaking talented he is, where he was schooling before… In short, his resume is mighty impressive.

Then he went on about the music and bands he likes and general views about pop culture. He’d ask me if I heard about this band or read about this theory… most of the time my answer would be “er…no”. He’d go on telling me about this and that, to which I’d have nothing much to say coz I have no freaking idea what he’s talking about! Cheemology to the highest level man, this one. A smart guy is a turn-on but his repository of knowledge is so vast that I’m beginning to feel like an ignorant little girl beside him. Very unflattering and not great for self-esteem.

He must have felt the same coz after 2 dates, he was gone.

But a few months later, he popped up on the radar and we chatted again. This time, he lamented that there are no interesting girls to get to know online. I guess by that, he meant I’m not interesting enough for him. Fair enough and I couldn’t agree more :P

I told him, there are some happening chicks out there, just that he hasn’t found any. Coincidentally, I knew of a friend’s friend, this girl who was smart and outgoing, which I thought would be suitable for him. So I just gave him her profile page link and told him to just send her a message. I told him I don’t know her, but from her profile, she seemed interesting… which was a half lie coz I did know her a little.

After that, I never heard from him again. But many moons later, I heard from my friend (the friend of that girl’s), that she’s dating this super-atas guy who drives a certain continental car and works at so and so company.

Whaddya know, my Cupid's arrow got a bull's eye. I guess I did my good deed for a fellow single lady :)

upset to the max

2009-04-17T11:05:00.002+08:00

on days like these, i wish i had my very own personal human punching bag.

xoxo,
barren "not-thankful-it's-friday" heart

truth i must face

2009-04-13T13:51:00.001+08:00

contributed by one of our readers, amorphous heart.

Kinda sorta started hanging out with my ex- again. A repeat, a pattern of seeing each other again once every 2 years when he is back in the area. We broke up 4 years ago, both leaving each other broken and hurt and changed.

I saw him 2 weeks ago. He hadn't called or emailed since I kissed his sweet lips. So I was depressed the entire past week and cried three times. Any sappy song on the radio or I heard during gym class got me teary.

I won't say that it's complicated - it's just very tangled up. We both know we are not getting back together. I take it that him not contacting me is a clean break... to think he did it because he loves me is comforting, to think he did it for himself is not so.

And then this evening just 5 hours earlier, I heard my cell ring and saw his name on my phone. I was elated… talked nervously and stammered and stuttered. I got him to laugh a few times. Guess my humor is still alive and kicking even when I am nervous talking to a guy I loved over and over.

When I found out that he spent his last weekend driving 45 minutes to a co-worker's for dinner, doing laundry and walking around the city, I was furious and hurt that he didn't have 5 mins to call me 7 days earlier. He didn't even have the courtesy to call to say he accepted his job offer last Friday! I didn't want to talk to him anymore. My stomach almost turned over inside out. He mentioned that he would be away for the next few 2 weekends for bachelor's parties. Which, to my internal calculations, means that we won't see each other till the June 20 weekend. I was mad at his indifference at my tears, my missing him, my hoping to see him too soon - even though I have no right to when I didn't tell him about all that. And I couldn't tell him all that because, in spite of my knee-jerk anger, I know I have no right to. Plus any other rights revoked since we are no longer together.

My good friend said I should be happy that he at least called to share a part of his life with me. I said I am only half happy. She said I am not longer his priority, his 1st person on speed dial, to break news to. I couldn't face the reality, his reality with my current expectations.

wonder : love is ...

2009-04-10T01:30:00.003+08:00

wonder trigger:

m.c: my partner doesn't smell at all leh... even after exercising her sweat smells sweet. was telling her that even after she runs a few clicks, i can still kiss her armpits.
me: hahah! hmm... love is...

===========================================================

hmm...
if you can't see, you're blind
if you can't hear, you're deaf
if you can't speak, you're mute

But what if you can't smell?
Hmm... thanks to google, I found the answer.

"Anosmic".

How weird. you wouldn't think "anosmic" was related to its one-syllable cousins "blind", "deaf" and "mute", would you? It certainly doesn't sound like it belongs. But oh well... anosmic it is.

So the next time you hear someone using the common phrase "Love is blind", you can try to impress them by adding, "Love is anosmic" too. Haha...

Although of course, don't count on the phrase to be as popular cos it's not as widely applicable as the former in the context of love.

I mean, can you imagine loving someone with body odour? How the hell can one ever smell pass that?

random

2009-04-07T15:06:00.004+08:00

I spotted these tees and immediate fell in love with them! So apt don’t you think? :P

Should I get them?? So tempted but I’m not sure if I have the balls to wear them out. hehe

~ handle with care ~

serenading unicorn

quote of the day

the break up

fear & trembling

my momma said...

quote of the day

the one that got away

teenage love affair

5 Ways Facebook Changed Dating (For the Worse)

stick boy and match girl

quote of the day

love is the beauty of the soul

still alive, just dormant

priceless.

time

love is in the air

in the doghouse

I must forget

husband after the wedding

an american finds love in paris

will you?

of work & weddings

top 5 of 2009

quote of the day

straight from the horse's mouth

in search of the elusive one

happy bubbleday!

the one that was not meant to be

in the arms of an angel

settling down for less

crazy

hi, my name is…

november rain

there is no sun and there is no sound

which is the way to a woman’s heart?

single, desperate, ugly... not!

all about signs

Taken from the shoppinglifestyle.com's article:

5 Body Language Clues He (Definitely) Likes You

SIGN #1: He flashes his brows and smiles when he sees you.

SIGN #2: He points his body towards you.

SIGN #3: He gazes at your lips while you're talking.

SIGN #4: His pupils widen and he blinks more when looking at you.

SIGN #5: He laughs at just about everything you say.

a lazy friday entry

blackbird

the one who made me run (part II)

quote of the day

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.":)

single ladies

the one who made me go hmmm

chemical learning

the test

struck

the one who visited my house

of blushes and silly grins

love detector

selamat hari raya

hairy, hairy, quite contrary

L-O-V-E (part II)

everything men know about women

conditions of love

the way I am

the one who made me run

the ones who played peekaboo

conversations with myself

barren

same guy, same agenda

the one whom I slept with

gabe bondoc

doormat. definitely.

love guru vs love victims

hearties on holiday

love advice from a man

what is that?

the one who fell in love with my friend

quote of the day

bubblewrapped and bored

what’s your aura?

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

:)